All the tube news that’s fit to surf …

– The Hollywood Reporter has exclusive clips from the table read of the Family Guy abortion episode that won’t air (but will be released on DVD). Reactions?

– More Family Guy news: Show creator Seth MacFarlane confirms matricidal baby Stewie is gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

– In honor of the show’s anniversary – South Park premiered on Comedy Central on August 13, 1997 – the show’s official Website is featuring the never-aired original pilot that led to the series. The “only all-construction-paper episode” of the show will be available at South Park Studios.com for 30 days.

– Bill Maher‘s bringing in the pretty boys for Real Time with Bill Maher on Friday: Brad Pitt and Ashton Kutcher are the guests.

– Next TV show headed to the big screen: Battlestar Galactica, with Superman helmer Bryan Singer leading the way.

– Twittering wasn’t such a great idea for Paula Abdul, but Man vs. Wild star Bear Grylls is using Twitter to line up guest stars for his show: He Tweeted an invite to Demi Moore to hit the great outdoors with him for an episode.

– TMZ reports that a Paula Abdul Dancing With the Stars judging gig ain’t gonna happen. Why? She and current judge Carrie Ann Inaba aren’t exactly BFFs, apparently …

– In answer to EW.com’s question “There’s no such thing as too much Jon Hamm … right?” the answer is, emphatically, right! Proof: Here’s Jon Hamm in Vanity Fair, Jon Hamm having lunch and chatting about season three of Mad Men with Chicago Tribune‘s Maureen Ryan and Jon Hamm in Huffington Post‘s collection of gratuitous Jon Hamm photos. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

– If this trailer is any indicator, FX has another big winner on its hands with the upcoming Timothy Olyphant “modern Western” Lawman.

– This one’s been rumored for a while, and it looks like the Tony Danza reality show – in which the Taxi and Who’s the Boss star becomes a high school English teacher in Philadelphia (no, really) – is gonna happen.

– Are you, or someone you know and would dare to nominate, the Worst Dressed American? Then you, or your frienemy, are just who TLC’s What Not to Wear is looking for. ‘Fess up to crimes against fashion at the TLC Website … the “winner” gets a makeover courtesy of WNtW‘s Clinton and Stacy.

– Fox has a now-and-then slideshow of the cast of Family Ties, one of my all-time fave sitcoms. Most of them look swell, except for poor little Andy, a.k.a. Brian Bonsall. He’s gone the all-too-familiar former child star route, and looks like he has fangs now. Which, actually, given how ubiquitous anything vampire-related is right now, should get him a gig.