Happy New Year and happy TV viewing this week!

NEW YEAR’S EVE, Thursday Dec. 31 (all times ET)

MARATHONS:

Burn Notice (USA): 6AM-6AM (Friday)

Fact-based movies marathon: Willing to Kill: The Texas Cheerleader Story, The Stranger I Married, Outrage in Glen Ridge, A Mother’s Fight for Justice, Amber Frey: Witness for the Prosecution, Ann Rule’s Everything She Ever Wanted, Ann Rule’s Too Late to Say Goodbye, No One Would Tell, A Date with Darkness: The Trial and Capture of Andrew Luster and A Little Thing Called Murder (Lifetime Movie Network): 6AM-6AM (Friday)

How Do They Do It? (Science Channel): 6AM-3AM (Friday)

Mystery Diagnosis (TLC): 6AM-Noon

House Hunters International (HGTV): 6:30AM-8PM

Alfred Hitchcock movie marathon: The Man Who Knew Too Much, Marnie, Shadow of a Doubt, Psycho, Vertigo and Rear Window (TCM): 7AM-8PM

Three Stooges (AMC): 7AM-6AM (Friday)

The Biggest Loser season three (Bravo): 8AM-8PM

The First 48 (A&E): 8AM-4AM (Friday)

Lifetime Viewer’s Choice Movie Marathon: Acceptance, America, Personal Effects, Nora Roberts’ Midnight Bayou, Prayers For Bobby, Sorority Wars, Maneater and Nora Roberts’ Northern Lights (a.k.a. the movie that allegedly broke up LeAnn Rimes‘ and Eddie Cibrian‘s marriages) (Lifetime): 8AM-2AM (Friday)

Strange Rituals (History): 8AM-Noon and 2-7PM

The Thin Man movies marathon: The Thin Man, After the Thin Man, Another Thin Man, Shadow of the Thin Man, The Thin Man Goes Home and Song of the Thin Man (TCM): 8AM-6:45AM (Friday)

Twilight Zone (SyFy): 8:30AM-6AM (Saturday, Jan. 2)

1 vs. 100 (GSN): 9AM-3PM

Ghost Lab (Discovery): 9AM-3AM (Friday)

Rehab: Party at the Hard Rock Hotel (truTV): 9AM-7PM

SpongeBob SquarePants (Nick): 9AM-8PM

Wolf Lake (Chiller): 10AM-7PM

Las Vegas (TNT): 11AM-7PM

Living With Ed (Green): 11AM-3PM

Notarized: Top 100 Videos of 2009 (BET): 11AM-11PM

Bizarre Foods With Andrew Zimmern (Travel): Noon-3AM

Clean House (Style): Noon-11PM

Platinum Weddings (WE): Noon-5PM

Snapped (Oxygen): Noon-2AM

Untold Stories of the E.R. (TLC): Noon-6PM

American Ninja Warrior (G4): 12:30-4:30PM

Real Housewives of Atlanta (Bravo): 1-5:30PM

America’s Funniest Home Videos (ABC Family): 3-11PM

Next Food Network Star season five (Food Network): 3PM-3AM (Friday)

Cold Blood (ID): 5PM-2AM (Friday)

Embedded (Current): 7PM-5AM (Friday)

Gangland (History): 7-11PM

A New Year’s Eve of Debauchery: My Husband’s Three Wives, Forbidden Love, Anatomy of Sex and Strange Sex (TLC): 7-11PM

30 Rock (NBC): 8-10PM

House Hunters (HGTV): 8PM-4AM (Friday)

New Year’s Toast-athon (FLN): 8PM-Midnight

Sarah Silverman Program (Logo): 9PM-Midnight

South Park (Comedy Central): 9PM-1AM

AND:
– Live From Lincoln Center: The New York Philharmonic (PBS): Check local listings for time and channel
– Fast Times at Ridgemont High (Encore): 1:15PM (you’ve seen it in edited basic cable format so many times … remember how much funnier it is unedited?)
– Fletch (Encore): 2:50PM (ditto)
– WALL-E (Starz): 4:15PM
– New Year’s Star Showdown (Disney): 6PM
– The Graham Norton Show New Year’s Eve Special (BBC America): 8PM
– 2009: That Really Happened?! (VH1): 10PM
– Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve with Ryan Seacrest (ABC): 10PM
– Jersey Shore (MTV): 10PM
– New Year’s Eve with Carson Daly (NBC): 10PM
– Billboard New Year’s Eve (Fox): 11PM
– New Year’s Eve Live With Anderson Cooper and Kathy Griffin (CNN): 11PM
– New Year. No Limits (ESPN): 11PM
– South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut (Comedy Central): 1AM

NEW YEAR’S DAY, Friday Jan. 1 (all times ET)

MARATHONS:

Doctor Who (BBC America): Midnight-10PM (Saturday, Jan. 2)

Hung season one (HBO): Midnight-5:30AM

Rocky I-V (Encore): Midnight-9AM and 9AM-6PM

Ghost Adventures (Travel): 3AM-3PM

Buffy the Vampire Slayer (Logo): 6AM-Midnight

How’s It Made? (Science Channel): 6AM-3AM (Saturday)

Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (USA): 6AM-6AM (Saturday)

Tom and Jerry (Boomerang): 6AM-6AM (Saturday, Jan. 2)

Whose Wedding Is It Anyway? (Style): 6AM-Noon

James Stewart movie marathon: Bell, Book and Candle, Anatomy of a Murder, The Stratton Story, The Man From Laramie, The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance and How the West Was Won (TCM): 6:45AM-8PM

Disaster House (DIY): 7AM-4AM (Saturday)

New Year’s Weigh Marathon: The Biggest Loser: Couples (FLN): 7AM-Midnight

Criminal Minds (A&E): 8AM-4AM (Saturday)

Dance Your Ass Off (Oxygen): 8AM-8PM

Ice Road Truckers (History): 8AM-8PM

Looney Tunes (Cartoon Network): 8AM-7PM

Cats 101 and Dogs 101 (Animal Planet): 9AM-5PM

Cheaters (G4): 9AM-9PM

Family Feud (GSN): 9AM-3PM

Lethal Weapon I-IV (Spike): 9AM-7PM

Martin (TVOne): 9AM-6AM (Saturday)

MythBusters (Discovery): 9AM-3AM (Saturday)

Teen Mom (MTV): 9AM-1PM

Golden Girls (WE): 10AM-7PM

Notarized: Top 100 Videos of 2009 (BET): 10AM-10PM

Speed Racer: The Next Generation (NickToons): 10AM-10:30PM

Beef (FUSE): 11AM-6AM (Saturday)

Jennifer Aniston movie marathon: The Good Girl, Friends With Money, Rumor Has It, Derailed, The Break-Up and Management (Lifetime): 11AM-11PM

Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami (E!): 11AM-3PM

The Matrix movie trilogy (AMC): 11AM-8PM

Wicked Attraction (ID): 11AM-5PM

Ghostbusters I and II (Comedy Central): Noon-5PM

Lockup (MSNBC): Noon-10PM

National Geographic Moments: Most Extreme Moments, Most Astounding Moments, Most Amazing Moments, Most Thrilling Moments, Most Dangerous Moments, Most Astonishing Moments and Most Daring Moments (NGC): Noon-7PM

Sonny With a Chance (Disney): Noon-Midnight

Supernanny (Style): Noon-6PM

Next Iron Chef (Food Network): 12:30-9PM

Degrassi: The Next Generation (TeenNick): 1PM-2AM (Sunday, Jan. 3)

Most Shocking (truTV): 1-7PM

American Greed: Scams, Scoundrel and Scandals (CNBC): 2-7PM

Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader? (CMT): 2-9PM

One Tree Hill (SoapNet): 2PM-Midnight

America’s Funniest Home Videos (ABC Family): 3-11PM

Criminal Minds (Ion): 4PM-Midnight

Jersey Shore (MTV): 4-8PM

Weight-themed programming: I Eat 33,000 Calories a Day, World’s Heaviest Man, Half-Ton Teen: Confronting Addiction, Half-Ton Dad, Half-Ton Mom, 650-lb. Virgin and 650-lb. Virgin: The Weight Is Over (TLC): 4PM-11PM

Married … with Children (TV Land): 4:30-9PM

Deadly Women (ID): 5PM-2AM (Saturday)

Pit Bulls and Parolees (Animal Planet): 5PM-6AM (Saturday)

100 Greatest One-Hit Wonders of the ’80s (VH1 Classic): 6-11PM

Bait Car (truTV): 7-11PM

Fearless Planet (Green): 8PM-2AM (Saturday)

Pawn Stars (History): 8-11PM

AND:
– To Die For (the most underrated movie on Nicole Kidman’s resume, and a campy drama based on the real-life Pamela Smart case) (Showtime): 11AM
– Tournament of Roses Parade (ABC, NBC): 11AM
– Top 40 Videos of 2009 (VH1): Noon
– There’s Something About Mary (one of my go-to feel-good flicks, and a great way to start off the new year) (FX): 8PM
– Better Off Ted (ABC): 8:30PM
– Scrubs (ABC): 9PM
– DogTown fourth season premiere (NGC): 10PM
– Friday Night Alright series premiere (with Pink)  (VH1): 11PM