(ALL TIMES ET)
9 and 9:30PM | LIFETIME – SERIES PREMIERE
Roseanne’s Nuts – Roseanne Barr, the star of one of the greatest sitcoms of all time, returns to TV with this reality series, which finds her operating a 40-acre macadamia nut farm in Hawaii. Does the title of the show refer to her farm, or Roseanne herself? As she would, and does, say, a little of both. It’s an entertaining viewing experience either way.
8PM | CBS
Big Brother – The episode’s supposed to unfold the whole story behind why Evel Dick already quit.
9PM | ESPN
ESPY Awards – Seth Meyers hosts the 19th annual sports awards show, live from Los Angeles, where Best Male Athlete nominees include Jimmie Johnson and Aaron Rodgers, Best Female Athlete contenders include Lindsey Vonn and Lauren Jackson, and presenters include Jason Bateman, Justin Timberlake, Cee Lo Green, Danica Patrick and Serena Williams.
10PM | DIRECTV – 4TH SEASON PREMIERE
Damages – The same night Roseanne is back on the tube with her reality series, her former TV hubby, the always fantastic John Goodman, debuts on Damages as Howard T. Erickson, the CEO of military contracting company High Star. And, yes, he’s this season’s bad dude.
10PM | SHOWTIME – SERIES PREMIERE
The Franchise: A Season with the San Francisco Giants – The docuseries follows the Giants as they return to defend their World Series crown, including pitcher Barry Zito‘s early season stint on the DL.
10PM | DISCOVERY – SERIES PREMIERE
One Man Army – Green Beret Mykel Hawke hosts this extreme reality competition, in which special forces ops, law enforcement officials, mixed martial arts athletes and other extreme sports practitioners are pitted against each other in physical competitions that the average person would have no shot at pulling off.
10PM | FX – 7TH SEASON PREMIERE
Rescue Me – The final season begins, and a new friendship – Janet and Sheila! – spells trouble for Tommy. Meanwhile, Mickey and Teddy start a business together, Black Shawn wants to get more serious with Colleen and Damien is still wheelchair-bound after his accident last season.
10:30PM | ID – SERIES PREMIERE
I Married a Mobster – There are the Mob Wives, and then there are the women in this new reality series – narrated by The Sopranos and Goodfellas star Lorraine Bracco – which details the very non-glamorous lives of real New York mafia wives.
Worth flipping to during commercials:
– The top 12 perform on So You Think You Can Dance (8PM, Fox), while Modern Family star Jesse Tyler Ferguson is a guest judge;
– Tonight’s Franklin & Bash episode (9PM, TNT) is titled “Franklin vs. Bash” … uh oh;
– On Royal Pains (9PM, USA), best friends and business partners come to Hank when they worry the cleaning product they sell is making one of them sick;
– On The Challenge: Rivals (10PM, MTV), CT stirs up trouble by trying to pit a couple of the females against each other, but he’s the one in for a surprise;
– Dangerous Liaison: What Happened in Room 2806 (10PM, CNBC) goes behind-the-scenes on the Dominique Strauss-Kahn case;
– Chef Irvine helps a twentysomething revamp her family’s Italian restaurant in Philadelphia on Restaurant: Impossible (10PM, Food Network);
– It’s the season 2 premiere of Who the (Bleep) Did I Marry (10PM, ID), the reality series about spouses who find out shocking truths about the people they married;
– Jon gives a dog owner a makeover on Jon Benjamin Has a Van (10:30PM, Comedy Central).
And the late-night line-up:
– Conan (11PM, TBS): Morgan Spurlock, Tyler Perry and the Strokes (REPEAT);
– The Daily Show with Jon Stewart (11PM, Comedy Central): Matthew Richardson;
– The Colbert Report (11:30PM, Comedy Central): David McCullough;
– The Late Show with David Letterman (11:35PM, CBS): Ryan Gosling;
– The Tonight Show with Jay Leno (11:35PM, NBC): Craig Ferguson;
– Lopez Tonight (Midnight, TBS): Randy Jackson (REPEAT);
– Jimmy Kimmel Live (12:05AM, ABC): Jason Bateman (REPEAT);
– Late Night with Jimmy Fallon (12:35AM, NBC): Blake Shelton, Joe Jonas and Gabourey Sidibe;
– The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (12:37AM, CBS): DJ Qualls;
– Last Call with Carson Daly (1:35AM, NBC): Adam Carolla (REPEAT).
Charlie Sheen, Russell Brand and Louis C.K. are getting most of the attention, but I’m most excited that one of the best new shows of last TV season — Wilfred — returns for its second season on FX tonight (10PM ET). Season one of the series ended with a cliffhanger — had Ryan (Elijah Wood) […]