(ALL TIMES ET)

8PM | SUNDANCE – 1ST SEASON FINALE
The Mortified Sessions – In the first season finale, Breaking Bad Emmy winner Bryan Cranston talks about the free love days of his teenage and early twentysomething years, while Community star Danny Pudi talks about his relationship with his father, who he’s seen only a few times in his adult life. Here’s hoping this fantastic series gets the greenlight for a second season.

8PM | NBC
Fear Factor – If the TMZ story is true (NBC wouldn’t confirm), this may officially be the grosses episode of Factor ever, as one of the stunts supposedly involves contestants drinking donkey semen. And urine. Go ahead, make all the jackass jokes you want.

8PM | THE CW
Gossip Girl – Chuck continues to wig about Blaire’s impending wedding, while Georgina ups the stakes for everyone with her pot-stirring return.

8PM | FOX
House – House gets into the blackmail biz when he tries to take advantage of Foreman’s relationship with a married woman.

8PM | ABC FAMILY
Pretty Little Liars – Here comes (more) trouble: Hanna’s stepsister enrolls at school with the girls.

9PM | FOX
Alcatraz – Rebecca is in a tricky position because of a bank robber from the past.

9PM | OWN
America’s Money Class With Suze Orman – Suze covers the value of gold, rules of investing and sussing out money you may not know you have.

9PM | BRAVO
Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Reunion, Part 1 – In part one (of three), Andy Cohen and the gang revisit the infamous tea party and game night fights.

10PM | BRAVO
It’s a Brad, Brad World – Brad gets devastating news from his father.

11PM | BRAVO
Watch What Happens: Live – And speaking of the aforementioned Brad Goreski, he and his Family Guy writer boyfriend Gary Janetti visit Andy in the Bravo clubhouse.

Worth flipping to during commercials:
– One of the women snags some alone time with Ben and then taunts the others about it at the rose ceremony on The Bachelor (8PM, ABC);
– On Heat Seekers (8PM, Food Network) Aaron and Roger taste the Naga Viper pepper, named the world’s hottest chili by the Guinness World Records people last year;
– On Disappeared (9PM, ID), unfolding the case of Jackie Markham, a Florida woman who’s been missing since 2000;
– Back-to-back new episodes of First Week In (9 and 10PM, Discovery);
– Inside the NSA (9PM, NGC) gives viewers a rare look inside the National Security Agency, including the Threat Operations Center that protects the Defense Department from cyber attacks;
– This week’s four-episode marathon of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (9PM, Comedy Central) includes “The Gang Dances Their Asses Off,” with Charlie’s “Take My Breath Away” dance;
– A winner is chosen on the season 2 finale of Next Great Baker (9PM, TLC);
– It’s the season four premiere of RuPaul’s Drag Race (9PM, Logo);
– Back-to-back new Pawn Stars (10 and 10:30PM) on History.

And the late-night line-up:
– Conan (11PM, TBS): Dale Earnhardt Jr.;
– The Daily Show with Jon Stewart (11PM, Comedy Central): Lou Dobbs;
– The Colbert Report (11:30PM, Comedy Central): Laurence H. Tribe;
– The Late Show with David Letterman (11:35PM, CBS): Jennifer Lopez;
– The Tonight Show with Jay Leno (11:35PM, NBC): Madonna and Chris Colfer;
– Jimmy Kimmel Live (12:05AM, ABC): Marc Maron;
– Late Night with Jimmy Fallon (12:35AM, NBC): Glenn Close;
– The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (12:37AM, CBS): Don Cheadle;
– Last Call with Carson Daly (1:35AM, NBC): Nelson George and Tom Morello (REPEAT).

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(ALL TIMES ET)

9PM | BRAVO – 2ND SEASON FINALE
Real Housewives of Beverly Hills – As the tension-filled, awkward season finally comes to a close, Lisa‘s daughter Pandora gets married, and Taylor finally spills the entire truth about her marriage to Russell. Check out the Los Angeles Times story on the season, in which Real Housewives daddy Andy Cohen discusses the network’s process for deciding how to handle the season.

8PM | ABC
The Bachelor – More dates, more dinners, more crazy drama; still no indication that any of this will lead to a lasting relationship.

8PM | THE CW
Gossip Girl – It’s Blair’s bachelorette party, in an episode directed by Clueless and Fast Times at Ridgemont High director Amy Heckerling.

8PM | FOX
House – A patient in an Alzheimer’s drug trial begins reacting violently, which leads to a revelation about his relationship with his wife. Meanwhile, House butts heads with … someone (okay, Foreman).

8PM | SUNDANCE
The Mortified Sessions – Alanis Morissette discusses dating much older men when she was 14, while TOMS creator Blake Mycoskie discusses an important business lesson he learned launching a laundry business in college.

8PM | ABC FAMILY
Pretty Little Liars – Ezra is avoiding Aria’s phone calls, so she plots to get him to respond to her.

9PM | FOX
Alcatraz – The hunt is on for a child killer, who would kidnap his victims and return their bodies afterwards, when he returns from the past.

9PM | OWN
America’s Money Class With Suze Orman – Tonight’s financial advice from Suze includes tips on saving moolah, avoiding financial scams and landing a good job

10PM | ABC
Castle – A reality TV star is the suspect when a famous dog trailer is murdered. The episode title: “An Embarrassment of Bitches.” Well played, Castle folk.

10PM | BRAVO
It’s a Brad, Brad World – Brad looks for a new office space (new meaning: not his garage), and things get a little testy when he and Gary begin planning their anniversary bash.

Worth flipping to during commercials:
– On Heat Seekers (8PM, Food Network), Aaron and Roger head to Las Vegas where they sample a Mexican chicken dish so spicy it’s called “Cry Today, Cry Tomorrow”;
– On Fear Factor (9PM, NBC), contestants have to swim with leeches and dangle on a bungee line attached to a helicopter in hopes of winning the $100,000 grand prize;
– Three drug addicts try to deal with the addiction issues while also dealing with their new surroundings as newbie prisoners on First Week In (9PM, Discovery);
– Tonight’s four-episode marathon of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (9PM, Comedy Central) includes “Sweet Dee Gets Audited” and the classic “The Gang Gets Held Hostage,” with the McPoyles;
– It’s the fifth season premiere of Cake Boss (10PM, TLC), and Buddy and Lisa renew their vows on a cruise (unless bad weather dooms the ceremony);
– Back-to-back Pawn Stars episodes on History Channel (10 and 10:30PM);
– Lisa Vanderpump and Brandi Glanville guest on Watch What Happens; Live (11PM, Bravo).

And the late-night line-up:
– Conan (11PM, TBS): Wilco;
– The Daily Show with Jon Stewart (11PM, Comedy Central): Kathleen Sebelius;
– The Colbert Report (11:30PM, Comedy Central): Bruce Bueno De Mesquita;
– The Late Show with David Letterman (11:35PM, CBS): Mark Wahlberg (REPEAT);
– The Tonight Show with Jay Leno (11:35PM, NBC): Michelle Williams (REPEAT);
– Jimmy Kimmel Live (12:05AM, ABC): Kiefer Sutherland;
– Late Night with Jimmy Fallon (12:35AM, NBC): Tina Fey (REPEAT);
– The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (12:37AM, CBS): The host tours the Eifel Tower;
– Last Call with Carson Daly (1:35AM, NBC): Cee-Lo Green (REPEAT).

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• Filed in It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Late Night, Real Housewives, TV Picks
• Tags: Real Housewives of Beverly Hills season 2 finale

(ALL TIMES ET)

9PM, SUN | PBS
Downton Abbey – On the fighting front, Matthew and William go on a dangerous patrol mission behind German lines, while, back at home, Cora and Isobel are at odds over Downton Abbey’s medical services.

8PM, SAT | LIFETIME
Drew Peterson: Untouchable – Rob Lowe undergoes a makeover to – lit-rally – look like the titular real-life former Illinois cop who was charged with killing his third wife (his fourth wife is MIA, too).

10PM, SAT | COMEDY CENTRAL
JB Smoove: That’s How I Dooz It – The gym, police chases and King Kong are among the topics the Curb Your Enthusiasm scene stealer discusses.

10PM, SAT | ID – SERIES PREMIERE
Scorned: Love Kills – ID’s latest unfolds the stories behind love gone wrong. Very, very wrong. Deadly wrong. You get the idea.

10PM, SAT | CNBC
Til Debt Do Us Part – A couple who are typically spend whatever they feel like on whatever they feel like seek Gail‘s financial advice when they’re expected their first child.

11AM, SUN | BBC AMERICA
Luther Marathon – You know him from The Office, but this is the role – as complicated genius British police detective John Luther – that won Idris Elba a Golden Globe award last week.

8PM, SUN | VH1
Mob Wives – Karen and Carla have a meeting that, unsurprisingly, ends with shouting and threats of violence.

9PM, SUN | OWN
Oprah’s Next Chapter – The Big O chats with George Lucas and his girlfriend at Skywalker Ranch, in part one of a two-part interview with the Star Wars daddy.

9PM, SUN | BRAVO
Real Housewives of Atlanta – Kim‘s on her own with the new house and baby when the NFL lockout ends and Kroy goes back to work. Meanwhile, Nene decides to go on the trip to South Africa, but with Marlo tagging along.

10PM, SUN | FOX
American Idol – Yep, on a special Sunday night, post-football edition, night three of the early audition rounds continue.

10PM, SUN | SHOWTIME
House of Lies – Marty (Don Cheadle) is confused, as is his son Roscoe, when the kid has a crush on two of his classmates, one a girl, one a boy.

Worth flipping to during commercials:
– On Dog Whisperer (Sat., 8PM, Nat Geo Wild), Cesar heads to Fort Hood, Texas, where he helps train the dogs of U.S. Army members;
– Bayou Billionaires (Sat., 9PM, CMT) is a reality show following a Louisiana family, previously poor, who become rich and start living like billionaires (yes, Bayou Hillbillies);
– Tom Arnold hosts this sequel to My Big Redneck Wedding: My Big Redneck Vacation (Sat., 9:30PM, CMT);
– In the follow-up to An Idiot Abroad, An Idiot Abroad: The Bucket List (Sat., 10PM, Science Channel), Ricky Gervais‘ pal Karl Pilkington spends the night on a private island in the South Pacific;
– Kenneth Branaugh and Zach Braff guest star on The Graham Norton Show (Sat., 10:15PM, BBCA);
– On Once Upon a Time (Sun., 8PM, ABC), Snow White is distraught as Prince Charming prepares to marry the daughter of King Midas;
– Lynette goes on a date with Renee’s hairdresser on Desperate Housewives (Sun., 9PM, ABC);
– The five remaining contestants have to run their own lunch carts on a busy NYC sidewalk on Rachael vs. Guy Celebrity Cook-Off (Sun., 9PM, Food Network).

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• Tags: Downton Abbey

(ALL TIMES ET)

8PM | NBC
Betty White’s 90th Birthday: A Tribute to America’s Golden Girl – Her Mary Tyler Moore Show co-stars, her Hot in Cleveland co-stars and funny people like Tina Fey, Amy Poehler and Joel McHale show up to celebrate the birthday of the national treasure that is Betty Marion White.

8PM | FOX – SERIES PREMIERE
Alcatraz – Hurley! Lost alum Jorge Garcia stars (and J.J. Abrams produces) in this new drama about prisoners who mysteriously disappeared from Alcatraz prison years earlier, and are reappearing in the present.

8PM | THE CW
Gossip Girl – Vera Wang guest stars as Vera Wang, who pops in at Blair’s wedding dress fitting.

8PM | FOOD NETWORK – 2ND SEASON PREMIERE
Heat Seekers – Aaron Sanchez and Roger Mooking continue traveling the country to find the spiciest foods, starting with ghost pepper enchiladas and hot wings in Dallas.

8PM | CBS
How I Met Your Mother – As Lily and Marshal prepare to move to the ‘burbs, their friends deal with it by going to a strip club.

8PM | SUNDANCE
The Mortified Sessions – Filmmaker Edward Burns and actor/writer/Freaks and Geeks and Bridesmaids producer Paul Feig share their blasts from the pasts, including the genesis of Feig’s fondness for cross-dressing and Burns’ memories of his cop father’s fondness for locking him up in jail cells to deter him from engaging in “tough guy” behavior.

9PM | OWN
America’s Money Class With Suze Orman – On tonight’s installment, Suze dishes on the cost of having a baby, retirement planning and the four documents every family must have to protect their future.

9PM | BRAVO
Real Housewives of Beverly Hills – Kim tells everyone the truth about her boyfriend, and Lisa‘s launch party for her new lounge turns into a drama-laden affair. Of course.

9:30PM | NBC – SERIES PREMIERE
Betty White’s Off Their Rockers – Think Punk’d, with Betty White replacing Ashton Kutcher, and a gang of senior citizens replacing Kutcher’s minions. So, awesome, right?

10PM | ABC
Castle – A dead body in the mayor’s motor pool jeopardizes Castle’s partnership with the police department, because the mayor arranged the deal and the mayor is in a mess o’ trouble.

Worth flipping to during commercials:
– Singer Matt Nathanson is too cool to be on this show, but nonetheless, enjoy his performance on The Bachelor (8PM, ABC);
– A three-hour marathon of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (8PM, Comedy Central) includes “Dee Gives Birth,” the season 7 premiere and “The Gang Goes to the Jersey Shore”;
– The Big O interviews the cast of Roots on Oprah and the Legendary Cast of Roots 35 years Later (8PM, OWN);
– Caleb is desperate to locate the MIA Lucas, but Hanna isn’t on Pretty Little Liars (8PM, Network);
– It’s the season two premiere of Being Human (9PM, Syfy);
– Three new inmates try to learn the rules (lest they face deadly consequence of their ignorance) on First Week In (9PM, Discovery);
– When Victoria is arrested, Molly asks Mike for help on Mike & Molly (9:30PM, CBS);
– Danny’s ex-wife goes into labor (early!) on Hawaii Five-O (10PM, CBS);
– On It’s a Brad, Brad World (10:15PM, Bravo), Brad meets with a writer about penning his memoirs, while, back in Los Angeles, his new assistant shows up hours late … on her first day;
– Kyle Richards and her hubby Mauricio Umansky are Andy Cohen‘s guests on Watch What Happens: Live (11:15PM, Bravo).

And the late-night line-up:
– Conan (11PM, TBS): Kate Beckinsale;
– The Daily Show with Jon Stewart (11PM, Comedy Central): Jodi Kantor;
– The Colbert Report (11:30PM, Comedy Central): Rev. Scott Douglas;
– The Late Show with David Letterman (11:35PM, CBS): Simon Baker and Seal;
– The Tonight Show with Jay Leno (11:35PM, NBC): Melissa McCarthy (REPEAT);
– Jimmy Kimmel Live (12:05AM, ABC): Don Cheadle (REPEAT);
– Late Night with Jimmy Fallon (12:35AM, NBC): Liam Neeson and Piers Morgan;
– The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (12:37AM, CBS): Lucy Liu and Kevin Sorbo;
– Last Call with Carson Daly (1:35AM, NBC): Lisa Ling (REPEAT).

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• Filed in Betty White, Late Night, Real Housewives, TV Picks
• Tags: Alcatraz premiere, America's Money Class With Suze Orman, Betty White's 90th Birthday: A Tribute to America's Golden Girl, Betty White's Off Their Rockers

(ALL TIMES ET)

8PM, SUN | NBC
69th Annual Golden Globes Awards – Lots of celebs, drinking during the awards show, blah, blah, blah … All any of us really care about is seeing just what host Ricky Gervais will say, and whether or not he’ll go further than he did last year, when he ticked off a lot of A-listers. Here’s hoping there are twice as many ticked off celebs as in 2011 …

11:29PM, SAT | NBC
Saturday Night Live – Harry Potter, er Daniel Radcliffe, makes his first appearance as SNL host, with Lana Del Rey as the musical guest.

8PM, SUN | VH1
Mob Wives – Renee lets the women have it for the ruckus they caused at her Look at Me!, er, birthday, party.

8PM, SUN | FOX
The Simpsons – In “The D’oh-cial Network,” Lisa regrets creating a new social network – SpringFace – while Patty and Selma compete against the Winklevoss twins (voiced by The Social Network star Armie Hammer) at the Olympics.

8PM, SUN | CBS – 3RD SEASON PREMIERE
Undercover Boss – Diamond Resorts International CEO Stephen J. Cloobeck goes undercover as an employee at his company and – surprise – is surprised by what he finds out.

8:30 and 9:30PM, SUN | FOX – SERIES PREMIERE
Napoleon Dynamite – The movie cast members provide the voices for their characters in this animated take on Napoleon’s adventures, which, in the opener, include using an acne cream that makes him feel no pain, leading to his involvement in an underground fight club. Meanwhile, brother Kip dates a bad girl (guest star Amy Poehler).

9PM, SUN | PBS
Downton Abbey – Anna locates Bates, and the estate is turned into a recovery center for wounded soldiers.

9PM, SUN | FOX
Family Guy – Brian starts dating a blind woman who hates dogs, which isn’t a problem … until he meets her sighted ‘rents.

9PM, SUN | CBS
The Good Wife – Alicia defends a fellow attorney who refuses to reveal a client’s identity during a government investigation. The client’s crime: creating a new currency.

9PM, SUN | COMEDY CENTRAL
Kevin Hart: Laugh at My Pain – Featuring a performance by the comedian who broke Eddie Murphy‘s tour ticket sales record, so, yeah, he’s pretty funny, even if the Comedy Central promos for the special make it look like an uncomfortably large portion of the show revolves around Mr. Hart humping a stool.

9PM, SUN | FOOD NETWORK
Rachael vs. Guy Celebrity Cook-Off – The six remaining celebs duke it out Chopped-style, with Scott Conant as one of the judges. Remember people, no red onions!

9PM, SUN | BRAVO
Real Housewives of Atlanta – Kandi hosts a dinner party for all the women, while Cynthia, Phaedra and their dudes go on a double date … awwwkward.

10PM, SUN | AMC – 1ST SEASON FINALE
Hell on Wheels – Cullen’s life with the railroad takes a turn when his past and future meet head on. Like a runaway train. Nice.

10PM, SUN | SHOWTIME
House of Lies – Marty (Don Cheadle) and the team head to Phoenix to deal with the impending divorce between owners of a pro sports team in a ripped-from-today’s-headlines-y story.

Worth flipping to during commercials:
– On Dog Whisperer (Sat., 8PM, Nat Geo Wild), Cesar tries to help a café owner with a hyperactive bulldog;
– Online bullying factors into a teen’s suicide in the made-for-TV movie Sexting in Subrurbia (Sat., 8PM, Lifetime);
– 2012 Miss America Pageant (Sat., 9PM, ABC): Chris Harrison and Brooke Burke-Charvet host the 91st annual pageant, live from Las Vegas;
– Arcade Fire performs on Austin City Limits (Sat., Check local listings for time and channel, PBS);
– Madonna‘s the guest on The Graham Norton Show (Sat., 10:45PM, BBC America);
– Four past champions return to batter battle each other on Cupcake Wars (Sun., 8PM, Food Network);
– On Once Upon a Time (Sun., 8PM, ABC), the Evil Queen makes Hansel and Gretel steal;
– Renee talks Bree into going to a pick-up joint with her on Desperate Housewives (Sun., 9PM, ABC);
– It’s the fourth season finale of Leverage (Sun., 9PM, TNT);
– The Big O travels to Joisey to interview Gov. Chris Christie on Oprah’s Next Chapter (Sun., 9PM, OWN);
– Nene Leakes visits Andy Cohen on Watch What Happens: Live (Sun., 11PM, Bravo).

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• Filed in Award shows, Movies, Real Housewives, Saturday Night Live, TV Picks
• Tags: Golden Globes Ricky Gervais