(ALL TIMES ET)

8PM, SUN | FOX
The Simpsons – Call him “Homer Scissorhands,” the name of this episode, in which Homie finds out he’s got mad hairstylist skills. Elsewhere, after Lisa rejects him, Milhouse gets his swerve on with a popular fifth-grade girl.

4PM, SAT | NBC
Kentucky Derby – Mucho Macho Man and Uncle Mo … pro wrestlers? Nope, they’re among the horsies contending for the championship at today’s 137th Kentucky Derby.

9PM, SAT | SYFY
Almighty Thor – Richard Grieco – Yes, the 21 Jump Street guy – plays Thor enemy Loki in this Syfy spin on the story, which, of course, is very timely with this weekend’s big-screen Thor flick.

9PM, SAT | HBO
Lady Gaga Presents the Monsters Ball Tour: At Madison Square Garden – Gaga performs with a 10-piece band and 10 backup dancers in this MSG concert, taped in February.

10PM, SAT | PLAYBOY
Celebrity Sex Tales – Did someone declare this National Richard Grieco Day (someone besides Richard Grieco) and forget to tell us? ‘Cuz dude’s turning up in this new series, too, along with other, ahem, celebs – Corey Feldman, John Salley, Janice Dickinson and, whoa, Barry “Greg Brady” Williams – who dish tales about their own sexploits.

11:30PM, SAT | NBC
Saturday Night Live – Tina Fey returns to her old stomping grounds as she hosts SNL for a second time, and, hopefully, makes a guest appearance on Weekend Update while she’s there.

8PM, SUN | CBS – 18TH SEASON FINALE
The Amazing Race – The season ends and a winning team is named as the race wraps in the Florida Keys.

8PM, SUN | NBC
The Celebrity Apprentice – Jimmy Fallon and Tracy Morgan guest star for a challenge in which the teams have to produce a live comedy show, and, in the second half of the three-hour episode, one team is done in by bickering while tasked with creating an ad for vehicle safety and navigation system. Hmmmm, bickering team … who could that possibly be?

8PM, SUN | ABC
Extreme Makeover: Home Edition – In this lovely Mother’s Day episode, a volleyball coach who took in three sisters after their parents died gets a grand new home to replace her tiny, rundown house.

8PM, SUN | MILITARY CHANNEL
A Salute to the Navy SEALs – The Military Channel salutes the heroic Navy SEALs with three hours of specials devoted to the elite force, including Navy SEALs: Untold Stories, Ace in the Hole and Somali Pirate Takedown: The Real Story.

9PM, SUN | STYLE
Jerseylicious Reunion – One word: catfight. Or rather, catfights.

10PM, SUN | CBS – 9TH SEASON FINALE
CSI: Miami – Horatio captures a fugitive who has some nefarious plot far beyond jail escape on his mind.

10PM, SUN | BRAVO
Real Housewives of Orange County – Vicki yet again predicts the end of her marriage, but she may be right this time.

11PM, SUN | OWN – SERIES PREMIERE
Why Not? With Shania Twain – The country diva lets cameras in as she tries to rebuild her life after a very painful, public divorce.

Worth flipping to during commercials:
– On Doctor Who (Sat., 9PM, BBC America), the TARDIS lands on a 17th-century pirate ship;
– An hour-long Parking Wars (Sat., 10PM, A&E) features the top 10 confrontations from the show’s first four seasons;
– Josh Groban and Doctor Who alum David Tennant are the guests on the season 9 opener of The Graham Norton Show (Sat., 10PM, BBC America);
– On back-to-back new Til Debt Do Us Part episodes (Sat., 10PM, CNBC), Gail counsels a wife and husband who’ve never discussed their finances with each other;
– Renee hosts a psychic party on Mob Wives (Sun., 8PM, VH1);
– Ruby (Sun., 8PM, Style) guest stars on Rosie O’Donnell‘s radio show;
– The real pirate haven of Port Royal, Jamaica is explored on the NGC special Wicked Pirate City (Sun., 8PM);
– Roxy tries to tell Trevor about her truck stop plans on Army Wives (Sun., 9PM, Lifetime);
– Bree dates, but doesn’t trust, a hot new detective, while the Scavos fight about their vacay on Desperate Housewives (Sun., 9PM, ABC);
– It’s Stewie vs. his evil twin Bertram on Family Guy (Sun., 9PM, Fox);
– A winner is chosen in the season 1 finale of Last Cake Standing (Sun., 9PM, Food Network);
– In the series premiere, six BBQ chefs compete for a $50,000 prize on Best in Smoke (Sun., 10PM, Food Network);
– The Breakout Kings (Sun., 10PM, A&E) are on the trail of a contract killer;
– Sarah and Luc get married on the season 5 finale of Brothers & Sisters (Sun., 10PM, ABC);
– Mary helps a witness reconnect with his son on In Plain Sight (Sun., 10PM, USA).

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• Filed in Real Housewives, Saturday Night Live, TV Picks
• Tags: Almighty Thor Syfy, Amazing Race season finale, Celebrity Apprentice, CSI: Miami season finale, Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, Jerseylicious Reunion, Lady Gaga HBO, Navy SEALs Military Channel, Real Housewives of Orange County, Saturday Night Live Tina Fey, The Simpsons, Why Not? With Shania Twain