You’ve played Simon Says, but today it’s all about what Simon’s Brother Says: Tony Cowell, Simon’s older bro, says American Idol judge Simon will be leaving the show after season nine (which debuts on Fox on Jan. 12), so he can focus on bringing his U.K. talent search series X Factor to America.

True? Or just another Simon-is-leaving-AI rumor? According to EW.com, Fox reps and Simon Cowell’s personal rep have both failed to comment on the story, which Tony Cowell shared with the listeners of his podcast.

Which brings about several questions: If Simon goes, is that the end of AI? I say yes; an Idol sans Paula Abdul can endure, but a Cowell-less AI … what’s the point? To give us another milquetoast talent like Kris Allen? Nah, I’m gonna need a big dose of Simon to get through another season with a potential winner like Allen waiting at the end.

Another question (as pointed out by an EW.com reader): Who the who is Tony Cowell, and why does he have a podcast, and why is anyone listening to this podcast? Is it only because he’s Simon’s bro? Is he the Billy Carter/Roger Clinton of the Cowell clan?

Let’s hear from other Idol devotees: Would you continue to watch if Simon was no longer a regular part of the show? Will you watch this season, the first without Abdul? And if yes, will you watch out of habit, or are you still excited about the show?

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• Filed in American Idol, TV News
• Tags: American Idol, Simon Cowell, Simon Cowell leaving American Idol

All the tube news that’s fit to surf …

- Paula Abdul’s still out, but Simon Cowell is reportedly extending his stay for three seasons, so at least something is right in American Idol World.

- Is it her declining ratings or part of a deal with Beyonce that led Oprah to reconsider her ban on having rappers on her show? Either way, MediaTakeOut reports that Jay Z will hang with The Big O for a September episode in which the two will visit the Brooklyn housing project where Jay Z grew up.

- Everything you never wanted to know about the Octomom and more: Fox’s Octomom: The Incredible Unseen Footage two-hour documentary, which will air on Aug. 19.

- The Big Brother house has gotten disturbingly real this season, with houseguest (and current Head of Household) Chima telling her housemates about being a victim of a vicious attack by a serial killer.

- And then there’s the more surreal aspect of Big Brother, in which Entourage star Jeremy Piven, promoting his new big-screen comedy The Goods, popped in for a visit at BB, apparently after he’d gotten into a tiff with Chris Kattan at MTV.

- King of the Hill will wrap its 13-season run on Fox with a one-hour series finale on Sept. 13.

- TNT’s hospital drama HawthoRNe, which needs a whole lot more Michael Vartan screen time, has been renewed for a second season.

- There’s a mini Arrested Development reunion happening on Fox, where AD creator Mitch Hurwitz will produce a sitcom starring AD star Will Arnett as a rich, obnoxious Beverly Hills type who falls for a woman repulsed by his money and lifestyle. Maybe working together again will help the fellas nudge that in-development Arrested Development big-screen movie along …

- Charlie’s Angels star Cheryl Ladd, who definitely does not look 58, will play a cougar on an episode of CSI: Miami this season.

- Courteney Cox says her Friends friend Jennifer Aniston will likely guest star on her new ABC sitcom Cougars if a part is written for her. Sounds like a perfect opportunity to throw Lisa Kudrow into the mix and reunite all three female Friends friends.

- And tonight in primetime:

- Gordon Ramsay’s wife Tana makes an appearance on Hell’s Kitchen (8PM ET, Fox)
- The Power of Veto competition is held on Big Brother (8PM, CBS)
- Kat complains about the easy grading system in one of her classes on 10 Things I Hate About You (8PM, ABC Family)
- Regis tries to give away more big bucks on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire (8PM, ABC)
- Cheech and Chong are the subject of tonight’s Lords of the Revolution on VH1
- Back-to-back episodes mark the first season finale of Better Off Ted on ABC (9 and 9:30PM)
- The first season of NYC Prep comes to an end (9PM, Bravo)
- Christina tries to come up with some clever solution when she’s told to cut six nurses from her staff on HawthoRNe (9PM, TNT)
- New ep of Warehouse 13 on SyFy (9PM)
- Luke hosts a prom for the remaining ladies on More to Love (9PM, Fox)
- It’s the season premiere of Daddy’s Girls (10PM, MTV)
- Grace and her brother search for Neely on Saving Grace (10PM, TNT)
- Tommy and Needles fight over who should be Lou’s best man on Rescue Me (10PM, FX)
- What would happen if Ariel threw a fashion show and none of his friends attended? We’ll find out on Miami Social (10PM, Bravo), but my guess is that we’ll be looking at a professional hissy fit
- A woman asks William to help her addict son, but the son doesn’t want help on The Cleaner (10PM, A&E)

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• Tags: American Idol, Arrested Development, Big Brother Jeremy Piven, Jennifer Aniston Cougars, Octomom Fox special, Oprah Jay Z, Simon Cowell

Paula Abdul Twittered Tuesday night that she won’t be returning to American Idol next season, and though that seemed like it might be a last-ditch negotiation tactic on her part, Fox has issued a statement confirming she’s gone:

“Paula Abdul has been an important part of the American Idol family over the last eight seasons and we are saddened that she has decided not to return to the show. While Paula will not be continuing with us, she’s a tremendous talent and we wish her the best.”

Wow. I’m truly surprised that Fox and the AI producers would let the situation spin this out of control with Abdul. That she was demanding, according to rumors, to be paid as much as Simon Cowell or Ryan Seacrest – both of whom I would argue are more integral to the show than Abdul, judge Randy Jackson and most definitely newbie judge Kara DioGuardi – was unreasonable, but that the two sides couldn’t come to a compromise is ridiculous on both sides.

Abdul’s absence will be felt on Idol. DioGuardi is not a suitable replacement, as evidenced by the fact that, in most polls, the numbers of people who wanted her not to return for another season were pretty equal to the number of people who did want to see her back. If the judging table consists of only Simon, Randy and Kara for season nine, I think we viewers will really miss Paula’s loopiness, her chemistry with Simon, and, though it could be annoying when she went on and on about a certain contestant at times, her positivity.

That’s not to say Abdul isn’t replaceable. Cowell isn’t. Abdul may be, but it won’t be easy. DioGuardi didn’t click with viewers the way Abdul did. There are more rumors that an Abdul replacement will be added to the mix … last month, there were even stories that Jennifer Lopez had been approached to take over Abdul’s chair. That could have been interesting, but since J. Lo shot those murmurings down right away, it isn’t likely to happen. So, as it stands right now, we’re looking at a table of just three judges, with one who people love to hate and hate to love, one who just hasn’t bonded with viewers at all and one who seems to have three speeds: “Yo dawg, that was hot,” “Yo dawg, that was pitchy” and namechecking all the musicians he’s worked with in his career.

As for Abdul, her music career is, at best, an afterthought at this point, and while she still has her HSN jewelry line, her weekly appearances on Idol served as a (free) platform for pimping the trinkets, which she often wore on the show and even passed along to contestants.

In short, Idol needs Abdul (maybe not to the tune of the $20 million a year she reportedly demanded, but still) and Abdul needs Idol. The show’s a cash cow … hard to believe execs weren’t willing to make sure a deal happened. With ratings on the show slipping with each season, something, clearly, needs to change to keep viewers’ interest, but letting Abdul bounce isn’t that change.

Here’s hoping that in the few days left before the show officially begins auditioning for the 2010 season, savvier heads will prevail.

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• Filed in American Idol, Reality, TV News
• Tags: American Idol, Paula Abdul, Paula Abdul quits American Idol

All the tube news that’s fit to surf …

- Will you tune in for the return of Jon & Kate Plus 8 tonight on TLC (9PM ET). TLC execs claim the Gosselins’ new situation makes them more relatable, but I’d argue that it just makes them more douchebag-able.

- I’m sure I wasn’t the only Guiding Light fan hoping for a last-minute reprieve for the long-running daytime soap, but Light’s cancelation is officially official now that a replacement show has been lined up. Wayne Brady will host a revival of Let’s Make a Deal that will air in GL’s place. The soap, which debuted on CBS on June 30, 1952, will air its series finale on Sept. 18.

- There’s still no deal for Paula Abdul, but Kara DioGuardi is definitely returning to the American Idol judges table next season. Meh.

- Futurama will return with new episodes in 2010, and with the original voice talent cast intact.

- PBS has announced a new Sesame Street primetime special, Families Stand Together: Feeling Secure in Tough Times, which will help families with young kids explain and deal with current economic woes. Elmo hosts (with Al Roker, Deborah Roberts and his Muppet pals), and the show is paired with another PBS special, Your Life, Your Money, hosted by Scrubs’ Donald Faison, and aimed at young people. The specials debut on PBS on Sept. 9 (8-10PM).

- More news from Sesame Street: The show’s upcoming 40th season will include a Mad Men spoof. Minus the smoking, drinking, cursing, bed-hopping and, in the case of Freddy Rumsen, pants-wetting, presumably.

- The Emmys snubbed Battlestar Galactica and True Blood, but the Television Critics Association honored the shows last weekend, naming them Program of the Year and Best New Program, respectively.

- The Sunday New York Times featured a story on how badly some reality TV contestants are treated, which was surprising at first, and makes you wonder why they would subject themselves to being locked in hotel rooms and having all manner of communication with the outside world cut off. But then you remember: They’re willing to bare incredibly personal details about their lives on TV – and, according to many of them, they’re often plied with copious amounts of hooch – so maybe not being able to text and Twitter for a few weeks doesn’t seem like such a big deal?

- Another victim of the economy: Marie Osmond’s comeback talk show.

- On the other hand, Tom Arnold’s TV comeback is right on track, as the ex-Mr. Roseanne will write and possibly star in a new NBC sitcom, and has a recurring role on the new season of Sons of Anarchy.

- And tonight in primetime:

- The families head for the Grand Canyon on Great American Road Trip (8PM ET, NBC)
- George ‘fesses up to Anne about something on The Secret Life of an American Teenager (8PM, ABC Family)
- ABC has a Sugarland concert at 8PM
- Jon & Kate Plus 8 returns, post-separation, on TLC (9PM)
- Kyra Sedgwick and Kevin Bacon’s daughter Sosie guest stars as Brenda’s niece on The Closer (9PM, TNT)
- A TV crew sparks rivalry among the girls on Make It or Break It (9PM, ABC Family)
- Old-school nookie is the focus of the series premiere of Sex in the Ancient World (9PM, History Channel)
- Real and Chance try to find skank love again on the Real Chance of Love 2 premiere (VH1, 9PM)
- Shark Week continues with Deadly Waters (9PM, Discovery), a look at the five most dangerous, shark-infested bodies of water
- It’s the season premiere of Guy Fieri’s Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives on Food Network (10PM)
- Kathy works to make her upcoming autobio super spicy on Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List (10PM, Bravo)
- Celia and Dean come up with marketing plans for their new biz on Weeds (10PM, Showtime)
- More Dating in the Dark at 10PM on ABC
- Drama ensues when the musicians move into their new home on Making His Band (10PM, MTV)
- Tony recalls the best street food he’s eaten from around the world on Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations (10PM, Travel Channel)
- TLC premieres its new cake-baking competition series, Ultimate Cake Off (10PM)
- Terrell meets with his estranged dad on The T.O. Show (10PM, VH1)
- And Jackie’s drug use begins to catch up with her physically and with her decision-making at work on Nurse Jackie (10:30PM, Showtime)

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• Filed in Reality, TV News
• Tags: American Idol, Donald Faison, Futurama, Guiding Light finale Sept. 18, Jon & Kate Plus 8, Kara DioGuardi, Marie Osmond talk show, Paula Abdul, Reality TV contestants, Sesame Street 40th anniversary, Sesame Street Mad Men spoof, Sons of Anarchy, TCA Awards, Tom Arnold, Wayne Brady Let's Make a Deal

All the tube news that’s fit to surf …

- The Los Angeles Times claims that Paula Abdul’s demands for a $20 million salary – and the American Idol producers’ hardball stance to avoid giving it to her – have led her to drop her price to $12 million a season, which would still be triple her current salary. Meanwhile, Jennifer Lopez is denying rumors that she’s going to replace Abdul on the show.

- Simon Cowell, whose salary is expected to be juiced up to $45 million a season on AI, is planning a new AI-ish series that looks to find the next big band. Supermodel Kate Moss will be a judge … apparently, dating rock stars qualifies one as a worthy rock critic.

- And a sad bit of Idol news: Police have arrested a man in the hit-and-run death of two-time AI auditioner Alexis Cohen.

- The View co-host Whoopi Goldberg is producing a new Science Channel game show called Head Games, and the show is looking for contestants.

- There are women with mommy issues and then there’s Tori Spelling and her mom Candy, who’s taken to TMZ.com in her latest attempt to publicly humiliate her reality TV star daughter.

- It had been rumored for months, but now it’s official: Lost star Dominic Monaghan has joined the cast of ABC’s new fall drama Flash Forward, which premieres Sept. 24

- The Lipstick Jungle series didn’t work out, but Sex and the City author Candace Bushnell, who also penned the Jungle book, is writing another women-in-the-workplace series, The Boardroom, that will unfold online. The four-episode series will star 90210’s Jennie Garth and Mad Men’s Talia Balsam.

- Seth MacFarlane is producing an abortion-themed episode of his Emmy-nominated ‘toon Family Guy, but he says he thinks it will prove too controversial to air.

- The Octomom and her 14 kids will reportedly earn $250,000 for a new reality show.

- Newsweek asks, “Why is Katherine Heigl so annoying?” I’d answer, “She can’t seem to help herself.”

- The number one TV network for gay-friendly programming: HBO, according to GLAAD. Among the worst, says GLAAD: CBS and NBC.

- It’s a Partridge Family reunion: Shirley Jones will play the mom of her real-life stepsons David and Patrick Cassidy on ABC Family’s new hit Ruby & the Rockits.

- And tonight in primetime:

- Jillian chooses between Ed and Kiptyn in the season finale of The Bachelorette (8PM ET, ABC)
- A pie-eating contest is just one stop for the fams on Great American Road Trip (8M, NBC)
- Amy’s ticked when Ben plans a fab summer trip and she has to stay home and work on The Secret Life of the American Teenager (8PM, ABC Family)
- Charm School graduates its winner in the season three finale (9PM, VH1)
- Carter gets an ultimatum on Make It or Break It (9PM, ABC Family)
- A new Unwrapped installment (9PM), Food Network) covers diner classics like hotcakes and java
- NGC unveils the Secret Lives of Charles Lindbergh (9PM)
- Gino builds a new patio and a basketball court on King of Dirt (9:30PM, DIY)
- History Channel gets freaky with Sex in ‘69: Sexual Revolution in America (9PM)
- A&E has new eps of Intervention (9PM) and Obsessed (10PM)
- Andy’s growing more fond of Dr. Kitson on Weeds (10PM, Showtime)
- P. Diddy/Puff Daddy/Sean Combs/What-ever puts together a band for his upcoming tour on the series premiere of Making His Band (10PM, MTV)
- The contestants shake their groove thangs to movie soundtrack tunes on Dance Your Ass Off (10PM, Oxygen)
- Kathy hangs with Drew Barrymore and Melissa Etheridge on Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List (10PM, Bravo)
- Tony’s back in America, with stops in Buffalo, Baltimore and Detroit on Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations (10PM, Travel Channel)
- Terrell heads to Buffalo to meet his new teammates on The T.O. Show (10PM, VH1)
- Buddy’s latest creation: a tiki torch cake with real fire on Cake Boss (10PM, TLC)
- ABC has a new ep of Dating in the Dark (10PM)
- And Jackie’s secret – two of them, actually – may be out on Nurse Jackie (10:30PM, Showtime)

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• Filed in TV News
• Tags: Alexis Cohen American Idol, American Idol, Candace Bushnell The Boardroom, Candy Spelling TMZ letter, Dominic Monaghan, Family Guy abortion episode, Jennifer Lopez American Idol, Octomom reality show, Paula Abdul contract