(ALL TIMES ET)

9PM | NBC
The Office – Rumors persist that Will Ferrell might be considered as Steve Carell‘s permanent replacement on The Office, and as the funny guy begins his guest stint tonight, fans will get the chance to evaluate whether or not he’s a good fit. Ferrell’s character? Deangelo Vickers, the new office manager who is subject to Michael’s training, and the staff’s attempts to kiss up.

8PM | FOX
American Idol – I wanna say it’s definitely Stefano who will get the boot tonight, but it’s not like there weren’t equally bad (Haley) performances (Lauren) last night (Casey).

8PM | NBC
Community – Abed takes a TV course, studying the classic sitcom … Who’s the Boss????

8:30PM | NBC – SERIES PREMIERE
The Paul Reiser Show – The Mad About You star tries to pull a Larry David by playing himself (or rather, a somewhat fictionalized version of himself) as he tries to restart his career years after his hit sitcom left the airwaves.

9PM | FOX
Bones – Jo Anne Worley guest stars as a pet psychic. Hello, welcome to 1975, Bones staff, and thanks for one of the most random guest stars ever.

9:30PM | NBC
Parks & Recreation – April and Andy host a dinner party for their friends. Can’t wait to see what’s on that menu.

10PM | NBC
30 Rock – TGS is on the chopping block, which prompts Liz to team up with the only she knows who can possibly located Tracy: Kenneth.

10PM | FX
Archer – Archer heads off to Russia to try and confirm who’s his daddy, but a lot of broken glass and his old nemesis Barry stand in his way.

10PM | FOOD NETWORK – 1ST SEASON FINALE
Ice Brigade – The team fashions a giant chessboard out of ice.

10PM | BRAVO
Real Housewives of New York City – I think we’re going to get the backstory on that “thug in a cocktail dress” comment that’s inspired a line of t-shirts when Alex and Sonja tussle tonight, though, unsurprisingly, Ramona gets into  a little war of her own when she makes a comment about Cindy, to someone else, who relates it back to Cindy.

Worth flipping to during commercials:
– When Elena and Stefan attend a school dance, Klaus plots to nab Elena and sacrifice her to end the vampire curse on Vampire Diaries (8PM, The CW);
– A new Bowled Over obstacle is described as “full body bowling” on Wipeout (8PM, ABC);
– Percy sends Michael off to London with orders to kill Nikita, while Amanda forces Alex to submit to a lie detector test on Nikita (9PM, The CW);
– In the sixth season premiere of Randy Jackson Presents: America’s Best Dance Crew (10PM, MTV), the first five crews dance Ke$ha-inspired numbers;
– NYC bike messengers are the subject of the new reality series Triple Rush (10PM, Travel);
– “Dating Game Killer” Rodney Alcala is the topic on True Crime with Aphrodite Jones (10PM, ID);
– Chris looks for an old friend and uncovers a secret along the way on Eagleheart (11:59PM, Cartoon Network).

And the late-night line-up:
– Conan (11PM, TBS): Matthew Morrison, Alexis Bledel and Queens of the Stone Age;
– The Daily Show with Jon Stewart (11PM, Comedy Central): Ricky Gervais;
– The Colbert Report (11:30PM, Comedy Central): Caroline Kennedy;
– The Late Show with David Letterman (11:35PM, CBS): Seth Myers and Carmelo Anthony;
– The Tonight Show with Jay Leno (11:35PM, NBC): Tyler Perry and Bright Eyes;
– Lopez Tonight (Midnight, TBS): Anne Hathaway, Anthony Anderson and Sum 41;
– Jimmy Kimmel Live (12:05AM, ABC): Tom Arnold and Alison Brie;
– Late Night with Jimmy Fallon (12:35AM, NBC): Chris Pratt and Kathy Bates (REPEAT);
– The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (12:37AM, CBS): Kristen Bell and Jason Aldean;
– Last Call with Carson Daly (1:35AM, NBC): Florence & the Machine (REPEAT).

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(ALL TIMES ET)

10PM | NBC
30 Rock – When a blogger accuses TGS of being misogynistic, Liz hires a female comedian for the writing staff. But when the new hire seems to be perpetuating female stereotypes herself, Liz and Jenna decide to put her in her place.

8PM | FOX
American Idol – J.Lo, seriously, get a grip. We were all sad to see Chris Medina go, but it was the right decision. Besides, he’s already landed a gig on The Tonight Show Friday.

8PM | CBS
The Big Bang Theory – When Sheldon realizes the gang doesn’t consider him to be the center of their universe, he packs up his bat and ball, or in his case, his Halo and Klingon Boggle, and goes off to find new friends.

8PM | NBC
Community – It’s Greendale student election time, and Annie, Jeff, Leonard and Star Burns are running against each other. Meanwhile, as the students prepare for a visit from the vice president, Abed makes friends with a secret service agent who’s scoping out the campus.

9PM | CNBC
How I Made My Millions – Unfolding the backstories of the fortunes made by the owner of 1-800-GOT-JUNK? and the inventor of the Super Soaker.

9PM | NBC
The Office – Todd Packer (guest star David Koechner) in the house! And, if he has his way, he’ll be in the house permanently, as he hopes to convince Michael to give him a job in the office. But while Michael may find him amusing, the rest of the office finds him obnoxious, and bristles at the idea of seeing him every day.

9PM | USA – 2ND SEASON FINALE
Royal Pains – Divya and Raj take dance lessons to get ready for their wedding, which, surprise, doesn’t go as planned …

9PM | HBO
Thurgood – Laurence Fishburne earned a Tony nomination for this, his portrayal of Thurgood Marshall, the first black justice on the U.S. supreme court. One nitpick, HBO: Did you really have to schedule this against Fishburne’s CSI?

9:30PM | NBC
Parks & Recreation – Ron and Leslie head off to Indy to be honored for their work on the Harvest Festival, and back in Pawnee, Andy and April try to come up with cheap date ideas.

10PM | FX
Archer – Woodhouse takes a trip down memory lane when his old war buddies start dying mysteriously, and Archer takes it upon himself to track down the alleged killer of the war vets.

Worth flipping to during commercials:
– Alaric makes a major confession to Jenna on The Vampire Diaries (8PM, The CW);
– It’s family night on Wipeout (8PM, ABC);
– Jeff declares it “Jeff Day,” but the cleaning lady interrupts him on Rules of Engagement (8:30PM, CBS);
– Zombies?! How else to explain two men who spring back to life after being pronounced dead on CSI (9PM, CBS)?;
– Meredith discovers her fertility treatments are causing vision problems on Grey’s Anatomy (9PM, ABC);
– Nikita (9PM, The CW) is double crossed when she tries to get Alex out of the country;
– Five teens learn the harsh realities of prison life at a Maryland correctional institution on Beyond Scared Straight (10PM, A&E);
– When The Situation takes too long getting his “fresh to death” look in order, the other guys in the house ditch him on Jersey Shore (10PM, MTV);
– Jane and company may not have to look very far for a suspect when an antiques dealer is murdered on The Mentalist (10PM, CBS);
– Violet frets about what her co-workers will say when they find out they’re in her book on Private Practice (10PM, ABC);
– Chris heads to Mexico to dole out justice on Eagleheart (11:59PM, Adult Swim).

And the late-night line-up:
– Conan (11PM, TBS): Cory Monteith;
– The Daily Show with Jon Stewart (11PM, Comedy Central): Austan Goolsbee;
– The Colbert Report (11:30PM, Comedy Central): Mike Huckabee and Glenn Greenwald;
– The Late Show with David Letterman (11:35PM, CBS): Bright Eyes and Sen. Rand Paul;
– The Tonight Show with Jay Leno (11:35PM, NBC): Hanson, DJ Pauly D and Meredith Viera;
– Lopez Tonight (Midnight, TBS): Anne Heche and Jason Biggs;
– Jimmy Kimmel Live (12:05AM, ABC): Owen Wilson, Adele and Kelly Ripa;
– Late Night with Jimmy Fallon (12:35AM, NBC): Michael Stipe and Miley Cyrus;
– The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (12:37AM, CBS): Forest Whitaker;
– Last Call with Carson Daly (1:35AM, NBC): Fred Armisen.

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(ALL TIMES ET)

9PM | NBC
The Office – Remember Threat Level Midnight, that script the gang found in Michael’s desk? Well, it turns out he actually produced the movie (with staffers current and former as the cast), and tonight he’s going to unspool his “Michael Scott Joint” for Holly and the gang. Their reviews? Well, he might have a tough time finding even two thumbs up.

8PM | FOX
American Idol – Hollywood rounds, third episode. Don’t worry, we’re almost there. Next week: the top 20 is revealed.

8PM | CBS
The Big Bang Theory – Leonard starts dating Raj’s sister again.

8PM | NBC
Community – Pierce pretends to be dead and leaves the study group with final gifts, but the dead dude’s gifts turn out to be even more troubling than Pierce’s usual shenanigans.

8PM | THE CW
The Vampire Diaries – Stefan ‘fesses up to Elena that he used to be a vicious murderer who killed members of her family. Ladies … dealbreaker?

9PM | CBS
CSI – Justin Bieber returns as troubled teen Jason McCann, who warns Nick about a dangerous situation.

9PM | DISCOVERY – 6TH SEASON PREMIERE
Man vs. Wild – Bear sees it all in Arizona, from scorching deserts to bone-chillingly cold mountains.

9:30PM | NBC
Parks and Recreation – While Andy tries to woo April back, Ben is haunted by his past as a famous teen mayor.

10PM | NBC
30 Rock – This sounds like a triple winner: Jenna tries to help Liz rebound from her breakup with Carol, Jack loses his business mojo when the baby keeps him from sleeping and Frank and Pete form a rock band (so getting visions of Jeffster! here).

10PM | FX
Archer – While Archer and Lana are off in New Orleans on a case (well, and to get a vacay in the Big Easy, as far as Archer’s concerned), Mallory orders the office to go green … yep, she wants the “freebie socialist tax credits.”

Worth flipping to during commercials:
– The Yule Log Jam and, of course, the Big Balls are among the obstacles on Winter Wipeout (8PM, ABC);
– Infamous Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star Camille Grammer guest stars in the first season finale of $#*! My Dad Says (8:30PM, CBS);
– Harsh: a wedding planner is found dead, in a tanning bed, on Valentine’s Day on Bones (9PM, Fox);
– On Grey’s Anatomy (9PM, ABC), Bailey and Eli, um, connect;
– When Alex is double crossed by a friend, guess who has to rescue her? Yep, Michael and Nikita (9PM, The CW);
– Colleen participates in a major prostitution sting on Police Women of Cincinnati (9PM, TLC);
– Hank thinks there’s a medical reason a woman can’t relax in the Hamptons on Royal Pains (9PM, USA);
– Country crooner Clay Walker is shocked by the prices when he looks for a Big Apple home on Selling New York (9PM, HGTV);
– Ronnie bums about Sammi‘s departure and Deena gets so sloppy drunk that Situation anoints her the “sloppopotamus” on The Jersey Shore (10PM, MTV);
– Hightower goes into the field with Jane when Lisbon is injured on The Mentalist (10PM, CBS);
– Addison returns home, with her friends in tow, on Private Practice (10PM, ABC);
– Chris Elliott stars in a new Eagleheart on Adult Swim (11:59PM, Cartoon Network).

And the late-night line-up:
– Conan (11PM, TBS): Martin Short and Chris Bosh;
– The Daily Show with Jon Stewart (11PM, Comedy Central): Ed Gillespie;
– The Colbert Report (11:30PM, Comedy Central): TBA;
– The Late Show with David Letterman (11:35PM, CBS): Nathan Fillion, Paris Hilton and the Scissor Sisters;
– The Tonight Show with Jay Leno (11:35PM, NBC): Jenna Fischer and Abigail Breslin;
– Lopez Tonight (Midnight, TBS): J-WOWW, Far East Movement and Hayden Panettiere;
– Jimmy Kimmel Live (12:05AM, ABC): Jason Sudekis and Keri Hilson;
– Late Night with Jimmy Fallon (12:35AM, NBC): Michael Showalter and William H. Macy;
– The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (12:37AM, CBS): Sarah Chalke and Louie Anderson;
– Last Call with Carson Daly (1:35AM, NBC): Director David O. Russell.

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(ALL TIMES ET)

9:30PM | NBC
Parks and Recreation – Remember what happened the last time Ron Swanson (Nick Offerman) and his ex-wife Tammy (guest star Megan Mullally, Offerman’s real-life wife) got together? Insanity ensued, which is why Tammy’s return in tonight’s episode is must-see TV. Especially since her return is brought about by Tom (Aziz Ansari), who begins dating Tammy to get back at Ron, who’s dating Tom’s ex-wife Wendy (Jama Williamson). Also, a jail cell is involved, so, again, must-see TV.

8PM | FOX
American Idol – After weeks of those drawn out city auditions, the action moves to Hollywood, where we’ll finally see which wannabes have the chops to make it into the finalist pool.

8PM | CBS
The Big Bang Theory – Leonard, a gigolo … Sheldon, his pimp??! If a wealthy widow (guest star Jessica Walter) who wants to donate big bucks to the university – provided she gets some one-on-one time with Leonard – has anything to say about it.

8PM | NBC
Community – The last time I saw Andy Dick‘s name in the news, he was getting thrown out of an awards show for porn. Tonight, he’s guesting on Community. A step up, to say the least.

8PM | ABC
Wipeout – The Hockey Hottie, Mr. Grinch and Holiday Hams … you guess which ones are contestants and which ones are Wipeout obstacles.

9PM | ABC
Grey’s Anatomy – Papa Grey returns with a stomachache that means he’s rejecting the liver Meredith so thoughtfully gave him. He’s also bringing a young, tattooed girlfriend with him, which means Mer’s gonna have a stomachache, too.

9PM | NBC
The Office – Michael and Holly spend Valentine’s Day together, which gives me more hope that the writers will send Mr. Scott off with the happy ending he deserves. Well, the happy ending for him that the audience deserves, anyway.

10PM | NBC
30 Rock – It’s Valentine’s Day and Carol (guest star Matt Damon) is back, which, in Liz Lemon Land, probably means romantic trauma ahead.

10PM | FX
Archer – Archer may be someone’s babydaddy. His favorite hooker’s babydaddy, actually.

10PM | MTV
Jersey Shore – Ronnie, Sammi fight. Ronnie mad. Ronnie smash!

Worth flipping to during commercials:
– Stefan and Elena try to get romantic on a trip to the lake on The Vampire Diaries (8PM, The CW);
– Booth and Sweets have commitment on their minds on Bones (9PM, Fox);
– On Nikita (9PM, The CW), Michael meddles in Alex’s life with Nathan;
– Colleen helps protect U.S. marshals on Police Women of Cincinnati (9PM, TLC);
– Ace and the gang make a Back to the Future cake for Michael J. Fox (!) on Ace of Cakes (10PM, Food Network);
– And rebellious teens visit San Quentin on Beyond Scared Straight (10PM, A&E).

And the late-night line-up:
– Conan (11PM, TBS): Seth MacFarlane and Brooklyn Decker;
– The Daily Show with Jon Stewart (11PM, Comedy Central): Former RNC chairman Michael Steele (REPEAT);
– The Colbert Report (11:30PM, Comedy Central): Author Michael Lewis (REPEAT);
– The Late Show with David Letterman (11:35PM, CBS): Snooki (yes, that one);
– The Tonight Show with Jay Leno (11:35PM, NBC): Rob Lowe, Amber Riley and Nicki Minaj;
– Lopez Tonight (Midnight, TBS): Brad Womack and Taylor Momsen;
– Jimmy Kimmel Live (12:05AM, ABC): Jimmy and Justin Bieber perform their Twitter song;
– Late Night with Jimmy Fallon (12:35AM, NBC): Jennifer Aniston and Piers Morgan;
– The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (12:37AM, CBS): Jennifer Beals;
– Last Call with Carson Daly (1:35AM, NBC): Diplo and Alberta Cross.

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(ALL TIMES ET)

11:59PM | CARTOON NETWORK’S ADULT SWIM
Eagleheart – The show runs a mere 15-minutes long, but fans who’ve been tickled by Chris Elliott‘s uber-goofy sensibilities since the all-too-short-lived class Get a Life will appreciate his newest goofy comedy. Elliott stars as U.S. marshal Chris Monsanto, he of the ridiculous blond wig and addiction to vengeance. Vengeance against who? Vargas, the man who has killed every one of Monstanto’s partners. Monsanto puts the big baddie in his place in tonight’s opener, and then, in a development that tells you all you need to know about the silliness that’s to come, he nurses Vargas back to health … so he kill him the right way later on.

8PM | CBS
The Big Bang Theory – When Sheldon gets some negative feedback from his students via the Twitterverse, he turns to Penny for acting lessons to make him a better teacher.

8PM | NBC
Community – Abed and Jeff try to include a loner student in their fun when they plan a game of Dungeons and Dragons, but it’s another loner – Pierce – they should really be worried about.

8PM | THE CW
Vampire Diaries – Elena’s (Nina Dobrev) daddy issue in tonight’s episode: Her father, John Gilbert, returns to town.

9PM | FOX
Bones – When a man is murdered, disguised as a scarecrow and left in a remote field, Booth and Brennan have to work quickly to solve the crime, before an impending storm disturbs the evidence. And their suspects in the creepy crime: his wives, all three of them; turns out dude was a polygamist, married to three sisters.

9PM | CBS
CSI – Are the rumors true? Could William Petersen be making a brief return tonight as Grissom? He certainly factors into the mama drama (and mama-in-law drama) in tonight’s episode: Marlee Matlin guests as Grissom’s ex-girlfriend, a deaf professor who works at the college where Grissom’s mom also teaches, and where Grissom’s wife, Sara, has to investigate the murder of a faculty member.

9PM | NBC
The Office – Michael goes MIA after he makes Jim stop at a gas station bathroom, where Mr. Halpert leaves him when he gets an emergency phone call from Pam’s mom.

9:30PM | NBC
Parks and Recreation – On a show full of scene stealers, Chris Pratt, as resident shoeshine stand owner Andy, is one of the best, and most subtle. Tonight, Andy turns to newbie Chris (Rob Lowe) for advice on how to win April back, while Leslie gets advice on her time capsule project from guest star Will Forte.

10PM | FX
Archer – Has our favorite animated spy group been Madoff-ed? Malory decides to sell ISIS after she’s wiped out in a Ponzi scheme.

10PM | MTV
Jersey Shore – Will Sammi and Ronnie make it through this episode without another crying/screaming breakup/meltdown? Probably not, but Ronnie has bigger issues to deal with.

Worth flipping to during commercials:
– It’s the sixth audition episode for this season of American Idol (8PM, Fox);
– It’s a safe bet that there’s nothing sweet about the gingerbread house obstacle on tonight’s Wipeout (8PM, ABC);
– Ed (William Shatner) gets jealous when a wealthy guy (guest star Lee Majors) wants to date Rosemary on $#*! My Dad Says (8:30PM, CBS);
– The Chief is unimpressed with Bailey’s efforts to integrate social media into the OR when she Tweets live from the operating room on Grey’s Anatomy (9PM, ABC);
– Season four kicks off on Million Dollar Listing (9PM, Bravo);
– Alex asks for Nikita’s help when she’s asked to kill a prince at a party, but when Division finds out Nikita’s present, Michael is ordered to kill her on a new Nikita (9PM, The CW);
– On Police Women of Cincinnati (9PM, TLC), Colleen brings down a drug dealer who’s operating in a public park, while Mandy helps a single mom whose ex-boyfriend is threatening her with a gun;
– Duran Duran, Kid Rock and Jason Derulo perform at the Super Bowl Fan Jam 2011 (9PM, VH1);
– Duff and the crew make cakes for the New York Rangers and Medieval Times on Ace of Cakes (10PM, Food Network);
– Six teens are put into tiny cells in a South Carolina prison in hopes of deterring them from continuing their wicked ways on Beyond Scared Straight (10PM, A&E);
– Jane is taken hostage by a murder suspect who wants t prove his innocence – by replacing the murder rap with a kidnapping charge? – on The Mentalist (10PM, CBS);
– Season four of Ultimate Factories premieres with visits to the factories that make the Dodge Challenger (10PM, NGC);
– Howard Stern is Dave‘s guest on The Late Show With David Letterman (11:35PM, CBS);
– And Episodes star Matt LeBlanc chats with Craiggers on The Late, Late Show With Craig Ferguson (12:37PM, CBS).

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• Tags: Archer, Bones, Chris Elliott, Chris Pratt, Community, CSI, Eagleheart, Jersey Shore, Nina Dobrev, Parks and Recreation, The Big Bang Theory, The Office, Vampire Diaries, William Petersen CSI return