(ALL TIMES ET)

10PM | NBC – 5TH SEASON FINALE
30 Rock – What Liz Lemon (Tina Fey) has planned for her summer vacation? A relaxing time in the Hamptons, in a cool house, where she’ll spend her days sipping libations and relaxing on a lounge chair … until she meets her summer neighbor, Tracy (Tracy Morgan). Meanwhile, Jack (Alec Baldwin) is missing his wife, and thinks Kenneth (Jack McBrayer) makes a fine substitute, and Jenna (Jane Krakowski) has to choose between boyfriend Paul (Will Forte) and her career when she becomes the spokesperson for the Wool Council. Bonus: The always fantastic Victor Garber.

8PM | FOX
American Idol – Results show, and I’m guessing it’s Jacob who’ll get the boot. Also, judge J.Lo and Lady Antebellum perform.

8PM | CBS
Big Bang Theory – Raj tries to cure his fear of talking to women, while Penny spies on Leonard and Priya.

8PM | NBC
Community – It’s paintball war, round two, in this first part of this two-part episode, which features a guest appearance by Lost star Josh Holloway.

9PM | CBS
CSI – Nate Haskell takes it up a notch when he kidnaps Ray’s ex wife and leaves a note … written in blood.

9PM | THE CW
Nikita – Percy goes after Alex, and it is an understatement to say he’s one scary dude.

9PM | NBC
The Office – Deangelo (Will Ferrell) … is he crazy like a fox, or just plain crazy? It’s tough to tell the difference, especially when he hatches a plan to create his own inner circle by playing favorites in the office.

9:30PM | NBC
Parks & Recreation – It’s Ron Swanson’s birthday, and he’ll avoid a party if he wants to. Elsewhere, Parker Posey guest stars as Leslie’s former BFF, who stirs up trouble for Pawnee-ians.

10PM | CBS
The Mentalist – When a prison guard is murdered outside a jewelry store, Jane thinks an inmate is the culprit, while Rigsby looks to his father (guest star William Forsythe) for answers.

10PM | TLC – SERIES PREMIERE
Pawn Queens – It’s a pawn shop show for the ladies, by ladies, catering to a female clientele. The titular pawn queens are Nikki and Minda, who operate a Chicago pawn shop aimed at female customers. In back-to-back openers, the women host an auction to pay their hefty tax bill, so … guessing that they’re not yet quite as successful as their Pawn Star$ counterparts on the History Channel.

10PM | BRAVO
Real Housewives of New York City – Wondering where Jill‘s been the last few episodes? Yeah, me neither. But she’s back, from a trip to Australia, tonight, and though she claims to be a new woman, she jumps right back into her mean chica ways when she gossips about Ramona while at lunch with the others. Ramona, meanwhile, gets into her own battle Cindy, who’s put in her place by Sonja.

Worth flipping to during commercials:
– Damon tells Stefan about their newest challenge on The Vampire Diaries (8PM, The CW);
– I cannot wait to find out what the “scareousel” is on Wipeout (8PM, ABC);
– Precious Life (8:30PM, HBO) is a documentary about a 4-month-old Palestinian boy who needs a life-saving transplant that can only be performed at an Israeli hospital;
– Could a hearing-impaired teen girl be the cold-blooded killer on Bones (9PM, Fox);
– Callie and Arizona’s wedding nears, while Der and Mer have baby fever on Grey’s Anatomy (9PM, ABC);
– Two competitors opening Asian eateries battle it out on 24 Hour Restaurant Battle (10PM, Food Network);
– The Hub is re-airing the Family Ties series finale (10PM);
– Cooper and Charlotte are also headed to the chapel on Private Practice (10PM, ABC).

And the late-night line-up:
– Conan (11PM, TBS): John Krasinski;
– The Daily Show with Jon Stewart (11PM, Comedy Central): Jon Meacham;
– The Colbert Report (11:30PM, Comedy Central): Bill James;
– The Late Show with David Letterman (11:35PM, CBS): Jodie Foster;
– The Tonight Show with Jay Leno (11:35PM, NBC): Ralph Macchio and Wanda Sykes;
– Lopez Tonight (Midnight, TBS): Eva Mendes and Carlos Santana;
– Jimmy Kimmel Live (12:05AM, ABC): Chris Hemsworth;
– Late Night with Jimmy Fallon (12:35AM, NBC): Tina Fey and Tom Welling;
– The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (12:37AM, CBS): Phil Rosenthal and Juliette Lewis;
– Last Call with Carson Daly (1:35AM, NBC): Dan Harmon.

• No Comments
• Filed in 30 Rock, American Idol, Late Night, Real Housewives, TV Picks
• Tags: 30 Rock, American Idol, Big Bang Theory, Community, CSI, Nikita, Parks & Recreation, Pawn Queens, Real Housewives of New York City, The Mentalist, The Office

(ALL TIMES ET)

8PM | FOX
American Idol – Adam Lambert returns to perform, as the first of the 13 finalists gets the boot in the results show. A few thoughts on last night’s performance episode: It’s great to see Randy finally stepping up and giving real critiques; while Steven Tyler was entertaining in the audition rounds, so far, he’s proven himself to be almost as useless as an incoherent Paula Abdul when it comes to constructive comments in the performance shows; and, though Jennifer Lopez has been my favorite of the judges this season, it was off-putting that she didn’t know who Ryan Adams is. Overall, I’m finding the season to be more pleasant than seasons past, but I’m also less compelled by any one contestant. They’re still, on the whole, picking bad songs, the females aren’t distinguishing themselves at all (except for the fact that they’re apparently raiding the old Dynasty wardrobe – those dated dresses!) and while lots of people seem to be impressed with Cowboy Scotty, am I the only one who thinks he’s just been doing an okay impersonation of Garth Brooks, in both his behavior and his performances?

8PM | CBS
The Big Bang Theory – All of a sudden, Leonard has too many women in his life: Priya, and Penny, who Priya wants out of his life.

9PM | FOX
Bones – Booth calls on his military training to help him track Jacob Broadsky, the guy who killed the Grave Digger and has now moved on to new targets. Elsewhere, ZZ Top-er Billy F. Gibbons returns as Angela’s daddy, who thinks it should be up to him to name her baby.

9PM | CBS
CSI – The CSIs investigate the murder of a former cop, who was convicted of killing his wife and was killed while serving his prison sentence. He also left behind a list of people he suspected in his wife’s murder, leading the team to reconsider his conviction in the process.

10PM | FX
Archer – Malory orders Lana to help actress Rona Thorne prepare to play a spy in her new movie, and takes the opportunity to pen a little role for herself in the thriller.

10PM | FOOD NETWORK
Ice Brigade – On the heels of last week’s working ice pool table, tonight the team builds an icy DJ booth, with working ice turntable, speakers and headphones.

10PM | MTV
Jersey Shore – The Situation, whose role on the show this season has been greatly diminished, tries to stir up trouble by poking Ronnie to find out who Sammi‘s been texting. Meanwhile, Vinny and Pauly road trip to Staten Island.

10PM | NGC
Ultimate Factories – This week’s episode goes inside the Jack Daniel’s factory in Tennessee, while next week’s installment revolves around a visit to a Coca-Cola factory in Baton Rouge. Clever scheduling.

Worth flipping to during commercials:
– CNBC has a new installment of How I Made My Millions (9PM);
– On Man vs. Wild (9PM, Discovery), snakes, leeches and a torrential downpour greet Bear in Borneo;
– My Big Redneck Intervention (9PM, CMT) finds a country girl who got used to life in the big city returning home;
– Kate is hired by a singer who wants to convince his bandmates to allow their song to be used in a commercial on Fairly Legal (10PM, USA);
– A doctor is found murdered on a golf course on The Mentalist (10PM, CBS);
– Twins from his past visit Chris on Eagleheart (11:59PM, Adult Swim).

And the late-night line-up:
– Conan (11PM, TBS): Seth Rogen;
– The Daily Show with Jon Stewart (11PM, Comedy Central): Trey Parker and Matt Stone;
– The Colbert Report (11:30PM, Comedy Central): Jeff Greenfield;
– The Late Show with David Letterman (11:35PM, CBS): Adam Sandler and Chris Colfer (REPEAT);
– The Tonight Show with Jay Leno (11:35PM, NBC): Aubrey Plaza and Ashton Kutcher (REPEAT);
– Lopez Tonight (Midnight, TBS): Pee-wee Herman and the cast of Sister Wives;
– Jimmy Kimmel Live (12:05AM, ABC): Henry Winkler and Cameron Diaz (REPEAT);
– Late Night with Jimmy Fallon (12:35AM, NBC): Snooki and Martin Bashir (REPEAT);
– The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (12:37AM, CBS): Kevin McKidd and Wanda Sykes;
– Last Call with Carson Daly (1:35AM, NBC): Brooklyn Decker (REPEAT).

• No Comments
• Filed in American Idol, Late Night, TV Picks
• Tags: American Idol, Archer, Bones, CSI, Ice Brigade, Jersey Shore, The Big Bang Theory, The Mentalist, Ultimate Factories NGC

(ALL TIMES ET)

9PM | NBC
The Office – Remember Threat Level Midnight, that script the gang found in Michael’s desk? Well, it turns out he actually produced the movie (with staffers current and former as the cast), and tonight he’s going to unspool his “Michael Scott Joint” for Holly and the gang. Their reviews? Well, he might have a tough time finding even two thumbs up.

8PM | FOX
American Idol – Hollywood rounds, third episode. Don’t worry, we’re almost there. Next week: the top 20 is revealed.

8PM | CBS
The Big Bang Theory – Leonard starts dating Raj’s sister again.

8PM | NBC
Community – Pierce pretends to be dead and leaves the study group with final gifts, but the dead dude’s gifts turn out to be even more troubling than Pierce’s usual shenanigans.

8PM | THE CW
The Vampire Diaries – Stefan ‘fesses up to Elena that he used to be a vicious murderer who killed members of her family. Ladies … dealbreaker?

9PM | CBS
CSI – Justin Bieber returns as troubled teen Jason McCann, who warns Nick about a dangerous situation.

9PM | DISCOVERY – 6TH SEASON PREMIERE
Man vs. Wild – Bear sees it all in Arizona, from scorching deserts to bone-chillingly cold mountains.

9:30PM | NBC
Parks and Recreation – While Andy tries to woo April back, Ben is haunted by his past as a famous teen mayor.

10PM | NBC
30 Rock – This sounds like a triple winner: Jenna tries to help Liz rebound from her breakup with Carol, Jack loses his business mojo when the baby keeps him from sleeping and Frank and Pete form a rock band (so getting visions of Jeffster! here).

10PM | FX
Archer – While Archer and Lana are off in New Orleans on a case (well, and to get a vacay in the Big Easy, as far as Archer’s concerned), Mallory orders the office to go green … yep, she wants the “freebie socialist tax credits.”

Worth flipping to during commercials:
– The Yule Log Jam and, of course, the Big Balls are among the obstacles on Winter Wipeout (8PM, ABC);
– Infamous Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star Camille Grammer guest stars in the first season finale of $#*! My Dad Says (8:30PM, CBS);
– Harsh: a wedding planner is found dead, in a tanning bed, on Valentine’s Day on Bones (9PM, Fox);
– On Grey’s Anatomy (9PM, ABC), Bailey and Eli, um, connect;
– When Alex is double crossed by a friend, guess who has to rescue her? Yep, Michael and Nikita (9PM, The CW);
– Colleen participates in a major prostitution sting on Police Women of Cincinnati (9PM, TLC);
– Hank thinks there’s a medical reason a woman can’t relax in the Hamptons on Royal Pains (9PM, USA);
– Country crooner Clay Walker is shocked by the prices when he looks for a Big Apple home on Selling New York (9PM, HGTV);
– Ronnie bums about Sammi‘s departure and Deena gets so sloppy drunk that Situation anoints her the “sloppopotamus” on The Jersey Shore (10PM, MTV);
– Hightower goes into the field with Jane when Lisbon is injured on The Mentalist (10PM, CBS);
– Addison returns home, with her friends in tow, on Private Practice (10PM, ABC);
– Chris Elliott stars in a new Eagleheart on Adult Swim (11:59PM, Cartoon Network).

And the late-night line-up:
– Conan (11PM, TBS): Martin Short and Chris Bosh;
– The Daily Show with Jon Stewart (11PM, Comedy Central): Ed Gillespie;
– The Colbert Report (11:30PM, Comedy Central): TBA;
– The Late Show with David Letterman (11:35PM, CBS): Nathan Fillion, Paris Hilton and the Scissor Sisters;
– The Tonight Show with Jay Leno (11:35PM, NBC): Jenna Fischer and Abigail Breslin;
– Lopez Tonight (Midnight, TBS): J-WOWW, Far East Movement and Hayden Panettiere;
– Jimmy Kimmel Live (12:05AM, ABC): Jason Sudekis and Keri Hilson;
– Late Night with Jimmy Fallon (12:35AM, NBC): Michael Showalter and William H. Macy;
– The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (12:37AM, CBS): Sarah Chalke and Louie Anderson;
– Last Call with Carson Daly (1:35AM, NBC): Director David O. Russell.

• No Comments
• Filed in 30 Rock, American Idol, Late Night, The Office, TV Picks
• Tags: $#*! My Dad Says season finale, 30 Rock, American Idol, Archer, Community, CSI, Justin Bieber CSI, Man vs. Wild, Parks and Recreation, The Big Bang Theory, The Office, The Vampire Diaries

(ALL TIMES ET)

11:59PM | CARTOON NETWORK’S ADULT SWIM
Eagleheart – The show runs a mere 15-minutes long, but fans who’ve been tickled by Chris Elliott‘s uber-goofy sensibilities since the all-too-short-lived class Get a Life will appreciate his newest goofy comedy. Elliott stars as U.S. marshal Chris Monsanto, he of the ridiculous blond wig and addiction to vengeance. Vengeance against who? Vargas, the man who has killed every one of Monstanto’s partners. Monsanto puts the big baddie in his place in tonight’s opener, and then, in a development that tells you all you need to know about the silliness that’s to come, he nurses Vargas back to health … so he kill him the right way later on.

8PM | CBS
The Big Bang Theory – When Sheldon gets some negative feedback from his students via the Twitterverse, he turns to Penny for acting lessons to make him a better teacher.

8PM | NBC
Community – Abed and Jeff try to include a loner student in their fun when they plan a game of Dungeons and Dragons, but it’s another loner – Pierce – they should really be worried about.

8PM | THE CW
Vampire Diaries – Elena’s (Nina Dobrev) daddy issue in tonight’s episode: Her father, John Gilbert, returns to town.

9PM | FOX
Bones – When a man is murdered, disguised as a scarecrow and left in a remote field, Booth and Brennan have to work quickly to solve the crime, before an impending storm disturbs the evidence. And their suspects in the creepy crime: his wives, all three of them; turns out dude was a polygamist, married to three sisters.

9PM | CBS
CSI – Are the rumors true? Could William Petersen be making a brief return tonight as Grissom? He certainly factors into the mama drama (and mama-in-law drama) in tonight’s episode: Marlee Matlin guests as Grissom’s ex-girlfriend, a deaf professor who works at the college where Grissom’s mom also teaches, and where Grissom’s wife, Sara, has to investigate the murder of a faculty member.

9PM | NBC
The Office – Michael goes MIA after he makes Jim stop at a gas station bathroom, where Mr. Halpert leaves him when he gets an emergency phone call from Pam’s mom.

9:30PM | NBC
Parks and Recreation – On a show full of scene stealers, Chris Pratt, as resident shoeshine stand owner Andy, is one of the best, and most subtle. Tonight, Andy turns to newbie Chris (Rob Lowe) for advice on how to win April back, while Leslie gets advice on her time capsule project from guest star Will Forte.

10PM | FX
Archer – Has our favorite animated spy group been Madoff-ed? Malory decides to sell ISIS after she’s wiped out in a Ponzi scheme.

10PM | MTV
Jersey Shore – Will Sammi and Ronnie make it through this episode without another crying/screaming breakup/meltdown? Probably not, but Ronnie has bigger issues to deal with.

Worth flipping to during commercials:
– It’s the sixth audition episode for this season of American Idol (8PM, Fox);
– It’s a safe bet that there’s nothing sweet about the gingerbread house obstacle on tonight’s Wipeout (8PM, ABC);
– Ed (William Shatner) gets jealous when a wealthy guy (guest star Lee Majors) wants to date Rosemary on $#*! My Dad Says (8:30PM, CBS);
– The Chief is unimpressed with Bailey’s efforts to integrate social media into the OR when she Tweets live from the operating room on Grey’s Anatomy (9PM, ABC);
– Season four kicks off on Million Dollar Listing (9PM, Bravo);
– Alex asks for Nikita’s help when she’s asked to kill a prince at a party, but when Division finds out Nikita’s present, Michael is ordered to kill her on a new Nikita (9PM, The CW);
– On Police Women of Cincinnati (9PM, TLC), Colleen brings down a drug dealer who’s operating in a public park, while Mandy helps a single mom whose ex-boyfriend is threatening her with a gun;
– Duran Duran, Kid Rock and Jason Derulo perform at the Super Bowl Fan Jam 2011 (9PM, VH1);
– Duff and the crew make cakes for the New York Rangers and Medieval Times on Ace of Cakes (10PM, Food Network);
– Six teens are put into tiny cells in a South Carolina prison in hopes of deterring them from continuing their wicked ways on Beyond Scared Straight (10PM, A&E);
– Jane is taken hostage by a murder suspect who wants t prove his innocence – by replacing the murder rap with a kidnapping charge? – on The Mentalist (10PM, CBS);
– Season four of Ultimate Factories premieres with visits to the factories that make the Dodge Challenger (10PM, NGC);
– Howard Stern is Dave‘s guest on The Late Show With David Letterman (11:35PM, CBS);
– And Episodes star Matt LeBlanc chats with Craiggers on The Late, Late Show With Craig Ferguson (12:37PM, CBS).

• No Comments
• Filed in TV Picks
• Tags: Archer, Bones, Chris Elliott, Chris Pratt, Community, CSI, Eagleheart, Jersey Shore, Nina Dobrev, Parks and Recreation, The Big Bang Theory, The Office, Vampire Diaries, William Petersen CSI return