That little piñata and the TV Land-stamped gold foil chocolates inside are the most fun thing that has popped up in the TVScreener.com mail so far this week. The festive package included the postcard with the sombrero-ed Joan Rivers wishing a Happy Cinco de Mayo, since today also marks the second season premiere of her TV Land series How’d You Get So Rich? (10PM ET).

“Hola, Sweetie,” writes the comedienne. “I can’t think of a better way to celebrate the Mexican army’s victory in the 1862 Battle of Puebla than by beating the crap out of this piñata, and watching the season premiere of my show, How’d You Get So Rich?” …

Hmmm, so that’s what Cinco de Mayo is all about …

Anyhoo, the second season of the series, which finds hostess Rivers pulling back the curtain on wealthy entrepreneurs and how they made their fortunes (and the decadent lifestyles they’re enjoying because of the cash), will include segments on John Paul DeJoria (the Paul Mitchell hair products dude) and the owner of the Patrón tequila company (who, spoiler alert, is the same guy!), Mrs. Fields (of mall cookie shop fame) and Donald Trump, who Rivers interviews in tonight’s premiere. Ever wonder how much cash The Donald carries in his wallet? Celebrity Apprentice winner Rivers finds out.

Among this season’s other profilees: three billionaires who, once upon a time, didn’t even have indoor plumbing; a Brooklyn ninth-grade dropout who makes $30 million a year with his doggie Wee Wee Pads; a hard partying guy who was once fired from McDonalds and later turned a pithy bit of advice from his father into a $100 million fortune as a sales expert and motivational speaker; the inventor of the Chia Pet and The Clapper; and Rivers herself, who has sold more than $750 million of her beauty products and jewelry on QVC.

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• Tags: Cinco de Mayo, How'd You Get So Rich?, Joan Rivers

All the tube news that’s fit to surf …

– Guiding Light is a lame duck, and now a CBS honcho says As the World Turns may be next on the network’s daytime hit list.

– Gotta love that Joan Rivers, whose new show How’d You Get So Rich?, premieres on TV Land tomorrow, still doesn’t censor herself. And I agree with her; Chelsea Handler is not funny.

– Who’s the Boss and Charmed star Alyssa Milano is headed back to TV in the ABC midseason series Romantically Challenged. The comedy stars Milano as a woman who has to compete with her boyfriend’s best friend for his attention.

– Turns out Screech, a.k.a. Dustin Diamond, didn’t decide to bail on People magazine’s Saved by the Bell cover shoot; he was banned.

– One of the many signs that the reality TV genre needs some freshening up: E!’s latest reality show is a fake reality show called Reality Hell.

– Another sign: No one is watching The T.O. Show on VH1. Okay, correction: The number of people watching The T.O. Show is roughly the same number of people watching a 5AM airing of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air on Nick at Nite.

– Emmy Awards producer Don Mischer ‘fessed up that the annual TV award show is in danger of becoming irrelevant, as viewers are turned off by the fact that the shows most of them watch aren’t generally represented among Emmy winners. Good thing they have fan fave Neil Patrick Harris hosting this year.

– Bethenny Frankel confirms she’s returning for the next season of Real Housewives of New York City. Meanwhile, the Real Housewives franchise’s Atlanta season two premiere was the highest-rated in the show’s history.

– Sugar Ray lead singer Mark McGrath says Real Housewives of Orange County star Vicki Gunvalson inspired him to write a song called “She’s Got the (Woo-Hoo!).”.

– And tonight in primetime:

– Tom Green and J. Peterman (John O’Hurley) are dinner guests on Hell’s Kitchen (8PM ET, Fox)
– Kat joins shop class on 10 Things I Hate About You (8PM, ABC Family)
– A green record label is among the topics discussed on the third season premiere of Big Ideas for a Small Planet (8PM, Sundance)
– It’s the season finale of The Superstars on ABC (8PM)
– Ruby has car problems on Ruby and the Rockits (8:30PM, ABC Family)
– The Power of Veto competition unfolds on Big Brother (9PM, CBS)
– Luke takes one of his bachelorettes to Vegas on More to Love (9PM, Fox)
– Chuck sister Sarah Lancaster guest stars on Hawthorne (9PM, TNT)
– Former NBA-er Brandon Williams gets a garage makeover on Man Caves (9PM, DIY Network)
– Shark Week continues on the Discovery Channel with Sharkbite Summer (9PM)
– Stargate: Atlantis‘ Joe Flanigan guests on Warehouse 13 (9PM, SyFy)
– Jessie and PC have (another) fight on NYC Prep (9PM, Bravo)
– Paris chooses her new sidekick on the season finale of Paris Hilton’s My BFF (10PM, MTV)
– New Saving Grace on TNT (10PM)
– William tries to help a surgeon who insists he performs better under the influence on The Cleaner (10PM, A&E)
– Work comes between Maria and Ariel on Miami Social (10PM, Bravo)
– Maura Tierney begins a guest stint as Tommy’s new fling on Rescue Me (10PM, FX)
– Tori & Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood ends season four (10PM, Oxygen) with Stella’s birthday party and the hope that Granny Spelling will show up
– Oxygen also has the just-after-primetime premiere of Addicted to Beauty (11PM), which follows the shenanigans of an L.A. spa

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• Tags: Alyssa Milano, As the World Turns cancellation, Bethenny Frankel, Dustin Diamond, E! Reality Hell, Emmys, Guiding Light, How'd You Get So Rich?, Joan Rivers, Neil Patrick Harris Emmys, Real Housewives of New York City, Saved by the Bell reunion, The T.O. Show, Vicki Gunvalson

All the tube news that’s fit to surf …

– Oscar winner Diane Keaton is set to star in a new HBO comedy inspired by Gloria Steinem. Keaton will play a feminist icon who tries to spark a rejuvenation of the feminist movement by starting a porn magazine for women. The series (which would make an interesting primetime block with HBO’s Hung) is being written by Buffy the Vampire Slayer producer and writer Marti Noxon.

– When Jon & Kate Plus 8 returns with new episodes on TLC on Aug. 3, the action will not include the separated couple’s extracurricular love interests.

– The Emmy folks are considering pre-recording a handful of categories’ winners and inserting them into the live Neil Patrick Harris-hosted telecast on Sept. 20. Organizers are calling the idea “time-shifting” those awards’ presentations … really, Emmy people? If those award categories (which includes the drama writing category for which Mad Men nabbed four of five nominations) aren’t deemed important enough to air live, why air them at all during the main Emmy telecast?

– TLC has renewed Cake Boss with New Jersey baker Buddy Valastro for a second season, which will air sometime in the fall. The current debut season wraps on Aug. 17.

– Life co-star Donal Logue will star in FX’s new dramedy Terriers, written by The Shield‘s Shawn Ryan. The new series will feature Logue as a P.I. who, partnered with his best friend, isn’t exactly the most mature private eye on the block.

– Ugly Betty/Harper’s Island/Popular alum Christopher Gorham has been cast  in USA’s new CIA thriller Covert Affairs. The show will star Gorham as a blind special ops agent who helps train a newbie CIA agent played by Piper Perabo.

– The Hills – sans Lauren Conrad and with new star Kristin Cavallari – kicks off its new season on Sept. 29 on MTV.

– Must-see-TV clip of the day: Anderson Cooper, subbing for Reeg on Live with Regis and Kelly, asking The Bachelorette‘s Jillian Harris the question we all really want the answer to.

– While promoting her new TV Land show How’d You Get So Rich?, which premieres Aug. 5, Joan Rivers made it clear she’s no fan of Jay Leno.

– The big news coming out of the annual Television Critics’ Association gathering about Starz’ 2010 drama Spartacus: Lots of nudity. Lots and lots of nudity.

– And tonight in primetime:

– Another one bites the dust as a contestant is Michael’s on the hunt for a client list on Burn Notice (9PM, USA)
– Sean Paul sings and JabbaWockeeZ dances as two more are cut on So You Think You Can Dance (9PM, Fox)
– She’s Got the Look wraps its second season and chooses a winner on TV Land (9PM)
– What kind of 3BR house will $700,000 buy you in Los Angeles? Find out on House Hunters (9PM, HGTV)
– Duff cakes a precariously balanced Cirque du Soleil cake on Ace of Cakes (10PM, Food Network)
– Jill and Hank tussle over a patient on Royal Pains (10PM, USA)
– It’s season two – and the return of NeNe! – for The Real Housewives of Atlanta (10PM, Bravo)
– Is Audrey dunzo on LA Ink (10PM, TLC)?
– MTV has unaired footage from season one of 16 and Pregnant (10PM)
– Penn & Teller: Bullshit! (10PM, Showtime) examines the claims about organic food
– And it’s beauty queen vs. gossiper vs. salon owner on WE’s Most Popular (10PM)

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• Tags: 2009 Emmys, Buddy Valastro, Cake Boss, Christopher Gorham, Covert Affairs USA, Diane Keaton HBO, Donal Logue, Joan Rivers, Jon & Kate Plus 8, Kristin Cavallari, Marti Noxon, Piper Perabo, Shawn Ryan, Spartacus Sstarz, The Bachelorette, The Hills new season, The Hills returns

All the tube news that’s fit to surf …

– Did Joan Rivers really deserve to be named Celebrity Apprentice instead of Annie Duke, who raised three times as much cash for her charity? Cast your vote at AOL TV. I think Annie should have won, though Rivers’ dedication to and affection for her charity, God’s Love We Deliver, was touching.

– Chef Jamie Oliver and Ryan Seacrest are teaming for an ABC reality series in which they’ll give the citizens of America’s unhealthiest towns nutrition and exercise makeovers. Hmmm … Maybe Seacrest isn’t aspiring to be the next Dick Clark; he’s trying to be the Dude Oprah.

– The ratings for Dollhouse‘s season finale suggests the Joss Whedon series probably won’t return to Fox next season.

– Tonight’s episode of Gossip Girl sets up what could be a spin-off series, following the life of young Lily, Serena’s wild child mama.

– More spin-off news: G4 is doing its own take on E!’s The Soup, called Web Soup, a weekly round-up of the best of/worst of viral videos.

– Loooooove 30 Rock and Tina Fey, but have to call BS on the story that last Thursday’s Mamma Mia mentions didn’t amount to a plug. It was a very, very clever tie-in, but both the show and the movie are NBC Universal properties … coincidence? I think not.

– Jon Stewart‘s producing a special on the U.S. naturalization process for the History Channel.

– Alex and Hugh are back for the third season of Ice Road Truckers on the History Channel (May 31), and they’ll be joined by the first female driver to be a full-time driver on the show.

– What a great idea: Editing Lost into a “dummies” version that would have events unfold chronologically.

– Al Bundy’s back to be a TV papa again. Ed O’Neill (a fellow alum of Ohio University – go Bobcats!) will play a dad in ABC’s fall 2009 mockumentary-ish sitcom Modern Family.

– And Chuck star Yvonne Strahovksi is certainly keeping busy while she awaits news on whether or not the show will get a third season go from NBC.

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• Filed in 30 Rock, Celebreality, Chuck, Comedy, Drama, Lost, Reality, TV News
• Tags: 30 Rock, Annie Duke, Celebrity Apprentice, Chuck, Dollhouse, Ed O'Neill, Gossip Girl, Ice Road Truckers, Jamie Oliver, Joan Rivers, Jon Stewart, Joss Whedon, Lost, Mamma Mia, Oprah, Ryan Seacrest, The Soup, Tina Fey, Yvonne Strahovski