All the tube news that’s fit to surf …

– Mad Men, season three, August 16 at 10PM ET on AMC. Be there, or be somewhere else, somewhere where people don’t knock back three vodka gimlets before lunch, aren’t nearly as dapperly-attired as Don Draper (Jon Hamm) and don’t have offices that are bigger than my entire New York City apartment. Yeah, not sounding nearly as much fun as Mad Men, right?

– Is designer Vera Wang going to be competing on the next season of Dancing With the Stars? And if so, does that mean we can count on less cheesy costumes?

– Plus-size model Emme has been hired to host Fox’s More to Love, the reality dating show that will feature “average-looking” people

– Discovery Channel’s 22nd annual Shark Week kicks off on August 2.

– Matt Mitovich at TVGuide.com says Rick Springfield will play, fittingly enough, Rick Springfield, when he guest stars on the new season of Californication, but he’ll be a naughty Rick Springfield, one whose sex play makes David Duchovny‘s Hank “look like a Jonas brother.” Not that I’m buying that whole purity ring business about the Jonas Bros. …

– In celebration of its 15th anniversary, TCM has created its own social network site, TCM Classic Film Union, for movie buffs.

– Gordon Ramsay has apologized for, well, basically, for being a tool. You can watch the apology here.

– I reeeally want to like Dr. Drew and trust his motives, but a real doctor prolly should offer to help Lindsay Lohan, or a less-famous addict, whether or not she accepts a reported six-figure offer to appear on his reality show, Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew, right? Of course, the story seems to be originating with Lohan’s dad, so, grain – no, make that rock, huge, ginormous rock – of salt on the whole thing.

– The Shield creator Shawn Ryan is going back to FX with a comedy about private detectives, called Terriers.

– Futurama‘s back! With 26 new episodes in 2010!

– Good news for David Letterman: He, with guest Julia Roberts, beat Conan O’Brien‘s Tonight Show on Tuesday. Worse news for Conan: His ratings keep dropping. Don’t count him out tho; remember his first years as Late Night host?

– More ratings wars news: Judge Judy beat Oprah. Whoa.

– ABC’s getting a jump on the competition by announcing its fall premiere dates.

– The ratings for the Nurse Jackie series premiere were so good, Showtime’s already greenlighting a second season, so go ahead and get hooked.

– Heidi Pratt‘s launching her own line of dry shampoo, after her shampoo shenanigans on I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here. I’m sure Oscar Blandi is shaking in his celebrity hair-cutting boots.

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• Filed in Celebreality, Late Night, Reality, TV News
• Tags: Californication, Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew, Conan O'Brien, Dancing With the Stars, David Duchovny, David Letterman, Discovery Channel, Don Draper, Dr. Drew, Drew Pinsky, Emme, Futurama, Get Me Out of Here, Gordon Ramsay, Heidi Pratt, I'm a Celebrity, Jon Hamm, Jonas, Judge Judy, Julia Roberts, Lindsay Lohan, Mad Men, More to Love, Nurse Jackie, Oprah, Rick Springfield, Shark Week, Shawn Ryan, TCM Classic Film Union, The Shield, Tonight Show, Vera Wang

All the tube news that’s fit to surf …

– “Jon Gosselin, American Hero”? Bleccch. If there was any lesson to be learned from last night’s Jon & Kate Plus 8 season premiere, it’s that both Gosselins are big ol’ messes and that neither of them is truly better off with the money, fame (infamy?) or freebies their reality show has brought them. But, for all the nasty behavior we see on-screen from the brittle Kate, let’s be honest: Mr. Gosselin doesn’t appear to be much of a prize, either. So, “American hero”?! Again, bleccch. That word is tossed around all too lightly, particularly given that we just celebrated Memorial Day.

– Remember when Friday night used to be one of the best TV-watching nights of the week, back when J.R. was getting shot by Kris-ten (as Sue Ellen called her sister) on Dallas and Don Johnson was rocking his white suits, pastel tees and mandals on Miami Vice? USA Today points out that, with 10 scripted series on the Friday night schedule next fall, it may no longer be one of the most skippable viewing nights.

– Meanwhile, The Hollywood Reporter is sizing up next fall’s biggest timeslot battles, including the Friday night, 9PM race, which pits Southland vs. Medium vs. Dollhouse vs. Ugly Betty, or, as THR writer James Hibberd calls it, “The Island of Broken Toys.” Funny. Though I’d argue that Southland shouldn’t be lumped in with the other, has-been, series.

– The New York Times says, if their TV show ratings are a reliable indicator, the Jonas Brothers may be headed the way of ‘N Sync, 98 Degrees and LFO.

– Twitter may become a TV show, though the specifics of how are still sketchy.

– We’ve got the Real Housewives of the O.C., Atlanta, New York City and New Jersey, and while there are already rumors of a Beverly Hills version in the works, Bravo is also reportedly looking to find the Real Housewives of D.C., too.

– And Clay Aiken‘s recent anti-Adam Lambert statements, followed by his sarcastic follow-up/pseudo-backtracking make one thing clear: He’s kinda a big tool.

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• Filed in American Idol, Comedy, Drama, Reality, TV News
• Tags: 'N Sync, 98 Degrees, Adam Lambert, American Idol, Clay Aiken, D.C., Dallas, Dollhouse, Fall schedule, Fall TV schedule, Friday night, Jon & Kate Plus 8, Jon Gosselin, Jonas, Jonas Bros., Jonas Brothers, kate Gosselin, LFO, Medium, Miami Vice, Real Housewives, Real Housewives of Washington, Reality, Southland, The Gosselins, timeslot battle, Twitter, Twitter TV, Ugly Betty