(ALL TIMES ET)

9PM | TEENNICK – 11TH SEASON PREMIERE
Degrassi: Now or Never – The classic teen series gets all telenovela-y again, as tonight’s premiere kicks off seven weeks in which a new episode airs each night, Monday thru Thursday. Tonight, Sav is crushing on a new girl, who he runs into in a surprising way at the big Keke Palmer concert that opens the seven-week run. Elsewhere, Drew and Bianca worry about the return of her ex, and Fiona has a thang for a model in Holly J’s class. And those rumors about something tragic occurring this season? All true. As always, Degrassi … it goes there.

8PM | FOX – 9TH SEASON PREMIERE
Hell’s Kitchen – One contestant ends up in the hospital and another trio is deemed, by Gordon Ramsay, “the three stooges” as 18 new cheftestants try to win a head chef gig, this season at BLT Steak in New York City.

8PM | LIFETIME
Magic Beyond Words: The J.K. Rowling Story – Any Harry Potter fan worth his or her Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans knows the backstory of Potter author Rowling’s welfare days, but this sweet little biopic, with Poppy Montgomery as Rowling, is still worth a view in honor of last week’s release of the final Potter flick.

9PM | TLC
Cake Boss – Buddy bakes a giant cheeseburger cake for National Hamburger Month, which leads to a burger-eating contest with the staff. Sounds like a White Castle contest I regrettably witnessed in college. White Castle + drunken 20-year-olds + a bet = Gore on that level of that episode of The Walking Dead where the zombies noshed on the horse.

9PM | TNT
The Closer – Capt. Raydor (Mary McDonnell) gets extra snoopy into Brenda’s department, just as the police department undergoes some major reorgs.

9PM | COMEDY CENTRAL
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia – Tonight’s four-episode marathon includes the very un-PC (which is probably a redundant statement where any Sunny ep is concerned), but hilarious “Sweet Dee’s Dating a Retarded Person,” in which no one’s sure about the mental capabilities of Dee’s new boyfriend, rapper Lil’ Kev.

9PM | SYFY
Warehouse 13 – Pete and Myka investigate the sudden memory losses of witnesses in a murder trial. Maybe they ran out of their gingko biloba supply.

10PM | SYFY
Alphas – Okay, they’re Alphas. But now, they have to learn to balance their regular lives with their not-so-regular skills.

10PM | SHOWTIME
Weeds – While Nancy tries to land a job at Doug’s new office, Silas tries to talk his mom into a new partnership.

10:30PM | SHOWTIME
The Big C – Hugh Dancy guest stars as a fellow patient Cathy meets on the first day of the clinical trials, while Sean frets his house is haunted and Adam gets into a throwdown at school.

Worth flipping to during commercials:
– Ashley goes on home visits with her final four picks, including one who ‘fesses up that he’s not ready to get engaged yet, on The Bachelorette (8PM, ABC);
– Jen and Evelyn‘s friendship is threatened when Evelyn confronts Jen about unflattering comments Jen made in a radio interview, on Basketball Wives (8PM, VH1);
– Carter plays babysitter to Allison’s kids when she goes out of town for a medical conference on Eureka (8PM, Syfy);
– On The Secret Life of the American Teenager (8PM, ABC Family), Adrian returns to school and walks head-on into a confrontation with Ben;
– The top 11 compete on Masterchef (9PM, Fox);
– Molly Ringwald and Lady Bunny guest on RuPaul’s Drag U (9PM, Logo);
– A 456-pound nurse tries to lose half her body weight in a year on Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition (10PM, ABC);
– Among the goodies coming into the shop on tonight’s back-to-back Pawn Star$ (10 and 10:30PM, History): a Godfather script signed by Al Pacino and a motorcycle once owned by Steve McQueen;
– On Rizzoli & Isles (10PM, TNT), Jane and Maura investigate the murder of a pregnant surrogate mother.

And the late-night line-up:
– Conan (11PM, TBS): Bryan Cranston;
– The Daily Show with Jon Stewart (11PM, Comedy Central): Daniel Radcliffe;
– The Colbert Report (11:30PM, Comedy Central): John Prendergast;
– The Late Show with David Letterman (11:35PM, CBS): Bono and The Edge;
– The Tonight Show with Jay Leno (11:35PM, NBC): Neil Patrick Harris;
– Lopez Tonight (Midnight, TBS): Piers Morgan;
– Jimmy Kimmel Live (12:05AM, ABC): Aaron Paul and Roseanne;
– Late Night with Jimmy Fallon (12:35AM, NBC): Mila Kunis;
– The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (12:37AM, CBS): Elizabeth Banks;
– Last Call with Carson Daly (1:35AM, NBC): Alex Prager.

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• Filed in It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Late Night, TV Picks, Weeds
• Tags: Alphas, Cake Boss, Degrassi season 11, Hell's Kitchen season 9, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Magic Beyond Words: The J.K. Rowling Story, The Bachelorette, The Big C, The Closer, Warehouse 13, Weeds

(ALL TIMES ET)

9PM | BRAVO
Real Housewives of New Jersey – It’s turkey time, and that means another occasion for Teresa and her bro and sister-in-law to tick each other off. For Teresa, it’s by hosting a “Friendsgiving” dinner for Jacqueline and Caroline instead of hanging with her relatives.

CHECK LOCAL LISTINGS FOR TIME AND CHANNEL | PBS
Great Performances – Selections from the 2010 Eric Clapton Crossroads Guitar Festival in Chicago include performances by, of course, guitar god Clapton, as well as Steve Winwood, Sheryl Crow, ZZ Top, Buddy Guy, John Mayer, Vince Gill, Jeff Beck and Ronnie Wood. Host for the evening: Bill Murray.

5PM | G4
E3 2011 Live – Can’t make it to the annual Electronic Entertainment Expo in Los Angeles? G4’s got daily coverage (six hours a day, to be exact).

8PM | ABC
The Bachelorette – All’s fun when Ashley and one of her dudes experience a flash mob, but then she becomes the subject of a comedy roast that goes so badly she ends up in tears and cancels a cocktail party with the remaining bachelors.

8PM | VH1
Basketball Wives – Suzie returns, but doesn’t get a friendly welcome from Royce, while Tami thinks Meeka is trying to ingratiate herself to too many basketball wives.

8PM | LIFETIME
Last Man Standing – Anthony Michael Hall plays the husband of Army Wives‘ Catherine Bell, a former CIA agent whose secret past comes to light when her hubby is kidnapped (make that, Farmer Ted-napped!) and the crime is connected to the death of one of her fellow agents.

8PM | FOX – 2ND SEASON PREMIERE
MasterChef – 100 hopefuls arrive in Los Angeles to cook up an audition for Gordon Ramsay and his fellow judges, all in the name of trying to become real chefs.

8PM | ABC FAMILY – 3RD SEASON FINALE
The Secret Life of the American Teenager – If you’ve seen those teary promos, you can prolly already guess that Adrian and Ben don’t get happy news at the hospital.

9PM | DISCOVERY – 2ND SEASON FINALE
American Chopper: Senior vs. Junior – Will a father-son build-off lead to a father-son reunion?

9PM | HBO
Bobby Fischer Against the World – The doc profiles the late, great chess whiz, including archived interviews with Fischer, who died in 2008, as well as footage of his most famous match, a 1972 victory against the Soviet Union’s Boris Spassky in the World Chess Championship.

9PM | ABC FAMILY – SERIES PREMIERE
Switched at Birth – Looking for a new drama for summer? Despite a few misses, this is a good one, revolving around two girls who were switched at birth, a fact they find out as teens. One is an artistic girl (Gilmore Girls and The Young & the Restless star Vanessa Marano) raised by a wealthy family, and the other (potential breakout Katie Lecleric) is an athletic girl who was left deaf by a childhood illness. Conflict ensues as the two try to get to know their birth families.

10PM | ID – SERIES PREMIERE
Behind Mansion Walls – The new series profiles crimes among the wealthy, beginning with a murder mystery in Palm Beach.

10PM | ABC
Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition – Chris helps Alex, a 23-year-old man who, at 459 pounds, wants to get healthy to fulfill the promise he made to his late mother and set a good example for his younger brothers.

10PM | SHOWTIME
Nurse Jackie – Coop speeds up his wedding planning, while Jackie finds herself on probation because of the drugs she pilfered from the oncology department.

Worth flipping to during commercials:
– Outdoor spaces get Disneyfied in the new series My Yard Goes Disney (8PM, HGTV), including tonight’s series premiere, where two backyards get connected by a train;
– Buddy has to build a massive cake that will feed 4,000 people and which has to be delivered to Las Vegas on Cake Boss (9PM, TLC);
– There’s a two-hour block of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia on Comedy Central (9PM);
– On the new series It’s Everybody’s Business With Jack and Suzy Welch (9PM, CNBC), the titular couple advise companies facing difficult challenges, beginning, tonight, with Hertz and the car rental company’s new Connect car share biz;
– Val tries online dating to get over Quinn on Single Ladies (9PM, VH1);
– A sweet and funny Family Ties gem (10PM, The Hub) finds Alex yanking Andrew out of preschool when he finds out the classroom is not a competitive environment;
– Pawn Star$ (10PM, History) goodies tonight include a 1932 Lincoln Roadster and a Civil War cavalry jacket;
– Donna Summer is the judge as the contestants have to pen dance tunes on Platinum Hit (10PM, Bravo);
– There’s teen angst and then there’s teen wolf angst, which Scott finds out when he tries to juggle his new wolf persona with trying to land a second date with Allison on Teen Wolf (10PM, MTV);
– Food Network stars Tyler Florence and Michael Symon are among those who reveal restaurants that prepare specific items better than they do on Best Thing I Ever Ate (10:30PM, Food Network).

And the late-night line-up:
– Conan (11PM, TBS): Ice-T and Breckin Meyer;
– The Daily Show with Jon Stewart (11PM, Comedy Central): Maziar Bahari;
– The Colbert Report (11:30PM, Comedy Central): Werner Herzog;
– The Late Show with David Letterman (11:35PM, CBS): Meredith Viera;
– The Tonight Show with Jay Leno (11:35PM, NBC): Cee Lo Green and Katie Couric;
– Lopez Tonight (Midnight, TBS): David Arquette and Toni Braxton;
– Jimmy Kimmel Live (12:05AM, ABC): Wanda Sykes (REPEAT);
– Late Night with Jimmy Fallon (12:35AM, NBC): Kathie Lee Gifford and Zakk Wylde;
– The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (12:37AM, CBS): Don Cheadle;
– Last Call with Carson Daly (1:35AM, NBC): Timothy Allen (REPEAT).

• 1 Comment
• Filed in It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Late Night, Real Housewives, TV Picks
• Tags: American Chopper: Senior vs. Junior, Basketball Wives, Behind Mansion Walls, Bobby Fischer Against the World, E3 G4, Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition, MasterChef, Nurse Jackie, Real Housewives of New Jersey, Switched at Birth series premiere, The Bachelorette, The Secret Life of the American Teenager season finale

All the tube news that’s fit to surf …

– Oscar winner Diane Keaton is set to star in a new HBO comedy inspired by Gloria Steinem. Keaton will play a feminist icon who tries to spark a rejuvenation of the feminist movement by starting a porn magazine for women. The series (which would make an interesting primetime block with HBO’s Hung) is being written by Buffy the Vampire Slayer producer and writer Marti Noxon.

– When Jon & Kate Plus 8 returns with new episodes on TLC on Aug. 3, the action will not include the separated couple’s extracurricular love interests.

– The Emmy folks are considering pre-recording a handful of categories’ winners and inserting them into the live Neil Patrick Harris-hosted telecast on Sept. 20. Organizers are calling the idea “time-shifting” those awards’ presentations … really, Emmy people? If those award categories (which includes the drama writing category for which Mad Men nabbed four of five nominations) aren’t deemed important enough to air live, why air them at all during the main Emmy telecast?

– TLC has renewed Cake Boss with New Jersey baker Buddy Valastro for a second season, which will air sometime in the fall. The current debut season wraps on Aug. 17.

– Life co-star Donal Logue will star in FX’s new dramedy Terriers, written by The Shield‘s Shawn Ryan. The new series will feature Logue as a P.I. who, partnered with his best friend, isn’t exactly the most mature private eye on the block.

– Ugly Betty/Harper’s Island/Popular alum Christopher Gorham has been cast  in USA’s new CIA thriller Covert Affairs. The show will star Gorham as a blind special ops agent who helps train a newbie CIA agent played by Piper Perabo.

– The Hills – sans Lauren Conrad and with new star Kristin Cavallari – kicks off its new season on Sept. 29 on MTV.

– Must-see-TV clip of the day: Anderson Cooper, subbing for Reeg on Live with Regis and Kelly, asking The Bachelorette‘s Jillian Harris the question we all really want the answer to.

– While promoting her new TV Land show How’d You Get So Rich?, which premieres Aug. 5, Joan Rivers made it clear she’s no fan of Jay Leno.

– The big news coming out of the annual Television Critics’ Association gathering about Starz’ 2010 drama Spartacus: Lots of nudity. Lots and lots of nudity.

– And tonight in primetime:

– Another one bites the dust as a contestant is Michael’s on the hunt for a client list on Burn Notice (9PM, USA)
– Sean Paul sings and JabbaWockeeZ dances as two more are cut on So You Think You Can Dance (9PM, Fox)
– She’s Got the Look wraps its second season and chooses a winner on TV Land (9PM)
– What kind of 3BR house will $700,000 buy you in Los Angeles? Find out on House Hunters (9PM, HGTV)
– Duff cakes a precariously balanced Cirque du Soleil cake on Ace of Cakes (10PM, Food Network)
– Jill and Hank tussle over a patient on Royal Pains (10PM, USA)
– It’s season two – and the return of NeNe! – for The Real Housewives of Atlanta (10PM, Bravo)
– Is Audrey dunzo on LA Ink (10PM, TLC)?
– MTV has unaired footage from season one of 16 and Pregnant (10PM)
– Penn & Teller: Bullshit! (10PM, Showtime) examines the claims about organic food
– And it’s beauty queen vs. gossiper vs. salon owner on WE’s Most Popular (10PM)

• 1 Comment
• Filed in TV News
• Tags: 2009 Emmys, Buddy Valastro, Cake Boss, Christopher Gorham, Covert Affairs USA, Diane Keaton HBO, Donal Logue, Joan Rivers, Jon & Kate Plus 8, Kristin Cavallari, Marti Noxon, Piper Perabo, Shawn Ryan, Spartacus Sstarz, The Bachelorette, The Hills new season, The Hills returns

All the tube news that’s fit to surf …

-Just not a good month for TV celebs: On the heels of the deaths of Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, MTV video legend Michael Jackson and pitchman Billy Mays, The Gale Storm Show and My Little Margie star Gale Storm – one of TV’s first big stars – died on Saturday at age 87, while comedian, celeb impersonator and frequent late-night TV guest Fred Travalena died Sunday at age 66 after a battle with non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma.

– The B-Side Blog has a sneak peek at the new Big Brother house, where the latest round of reality TV hamsters will move in on July 9.

– For TV fans, this is the year to attend Comic-Con in San Diego. The TV-heavy line-up includes panels with the casts of Lost, 24, Chuck, Bones, Burn Notice, Glee, MythBusters, The Cleveland Show, Futurama, Heroes and upcoming series V, Flash Forward and Human Target.

– No good Oprah deed goes unpunished? May be, as her gifts to her staff – a fancy luxury cruise – is reportedly going to cost each of them $1,000 in taxes.

– As the Sept. 18 series finale of long-running daytime soap Guiding Light grows sadly closer, 60 Minutes is planning a special Sept. segment that includes interviews with cast, while the Daytime Emmy telecast on Aug. 30 will also include a special tribute. Meanwhile, The Hollywood Reporter‘s Roger Friedman claims the show’s sponsor, Procter & Gamble, is purposely trying to turn fans against the show because the company wants out of the soap biz.

– Casting news: Reaper star Missy Peregrym has signed on to star in ABC’s Canadian cop drama Copper, while Desperate Housewives guest star T.J. Ramini – he played Gabby’s trainer, Yaniv – will be a recurring star on season eight of 24, where he’ll play Tarin, a cohort of the Middle Eastern leader who’ll be played by Anil Kapoor.

– And tonight in primetime:

– The premiere of Oxygen’s Dance Your Ass Off (10PM ET), a Biggest Loser-meets-Dancing with the Stars/So You Think You Can Dance-ish reality competition
– Brenda and Fritz clash when they work together on a missing person/murder case on a new ep of The Closer (9PM, TNT)
– New York will apparently be unemployed after the season finale of New York Goes to Work (10PM, VH1)
– Zoey wigs when she loses her first patient on Nurse Jackie (10:30PM, Showtime)
– Celia’s baaaa-ack – and living in Nancy’s garage, while Agent Roy Till also pops back into Nancy’s life on a new Weeds (10PM, Showtime)
– Buddy bakes a cake and plans to stash live birds inside of it on Cake Boss (10PM, TLC)
– Kathy Griffin hangs with Paris Hilton (is getting off the D-list really worth that?) on My Life on the D-List (10PM, Bravo)
– Guy Fieri hits the road for pumpkin-oatmeal pancakes and bacon-wrapped meatloaf on Diners, Drive-ins and Dives (10PM, Food Network)
– And it’s down to five on The Bachelorette (8PM, ABC)

• 3 Comments
• Filed in 24, Reality, TV News
• Tags: 24, Big Brother, Big Brother house, Cake Boss, Comic Con TV, Dance Your Ass Off, Desperate Housewives, Diners, Drive-ins and Dives, Fred Travalena, Gale Storm, Guiding Light, Guiding Light finale, Guy Fieri, Kathy Griffin, Missy Peregrym, My Life on the D-List, New York Goes to Work, Nurse Jackie, Oprah, Paris Hilton, The Bachelorette, The Closer, Weeds

All the tube news that’s fit to surf …

– I still can’t believe that Adam Lambert‘s sexuality is such an issue … like being gay in the entertainment industry is such a new phenomenon? Or being gay on American Idol for that matter. Whatever. Adam lands a solo cover on the new Entertainment Weekly, even before he wins the show, as “the most exciting American Idol contestant in years.” Can’t argue with that.

– It’s not Project Runway, but the Runway-ish The Fashion Show, which debuts tonight on Bravo (10PM ET), does have the fabulous Isaac Mizrahi.

– Grey’s Anatomy airs its 100th episode tonight (ABC, 9PM), and it’s supposed to include a McDreamy/Meredith wedding. Supposed to being the key part of that sentence.

– Even if the Mer/Der wedding does go down, will it be one of the best tube weddings ever? Maybe one of the worst? I countdown a few of each at Hollywood.com today.

– Are you more or less likely to watch the new season of Jon & Kate Plus 8 on May 25, given the whole affair brouhaha?

– Tomorrow’s Good Morning America will feature Diane Sawyer’s interview with Connie Culp, the woman whose face transplant made headlines this week.

– Chuck executive producer McG weighs in optimistically to Sci Fi Wire about the show’s chances for a third season on NBC. It’s tough to remember the last time an on-the-bubble series generated as much support and good will as Chuck has, so here’s hoping again that it returns next season.

– Seth Green and his Robot Chicken cohorts are bringing another show to Adult Swim.

– Only The Big O could incite riots by trying to give away some damn chicken.

– Is it just me, or do most of the contestants on the new season of The Bachelorette look alike?

– And Simon Cowell reportedly earns $36 million a season for American Idol, while co-judge Paula Abdul nets “just” $2 million. Sounds right to me.

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• Filed in American Idol, Chuck, Reality, TV News
• Tags: Adam Lambert, American Idol, Chuck, Connie Culp, Grey's Anatomy, Isaac Mizrahi, Jon & Kate Plus 8, Oprah, Paula Abdul, Project Runway, Robot Chicken, Seth Green, Simon Cowell, The Bachelorette, TV weddings