You know how people say their job is killing them? Apparently it’s literally true in my case, according to the very clever publicists at the Discovery Channel.

To promote Discovery’s annual Shark Week programming, which kicks off Sunday night at 9PMET, the network sent out some very personalized, very creepy, but very cool boxes of swag to TV critics and bloggers.

When I opened the big brown box from Discovery, beneath a slew of straw was a rusty, frosted old jar that contained a boat key on a floatation round; a chomped on, bloody swimsuit; and an official-looking newspaper clipping of an obituary – MY obituary! – which reads:

“Notable author and veteran entertainment and pop culture writer Kimberly Potts was killed Monday, July 13th, of a violent attack while scuba diving on vacation in the Great Barrier Reef, Queensland, Australia. Potts’ enviable writing career was spawned in 1995, freelancing for such reputable web publications as AOL TV, TV Guide, Movies.com, People.com, MSN TV Filter, Teenmag.com, Metromix.com, iVillage.com, Teenmag.com. Playboy.com, The Detroit Free Press and The Cincinnati Enquirer. She maintained a freelance writing career up until her untimely death, while also managing to author five books and launching the popular television news site, TVScreener.com. Funeral arrangements are scheduled for Wednesday July 15th in New York, NY.”

Like I said, creepy, but cool, and definitely gets my award for the best network promo of the year so far.

Shark Week 2009’s premiere programming, by the way, is a must-see: A two-hour drama called Blood in the Water (Aug. 2, 9PM ET), the true story of the 1916 New Jersey shore shark attacks that inspired the movie Jaws. Five people were attacked in 12 days on the Jersey shore, which set off a panic because it was the first time people had heard about multiple shark attacks in the same area in such a short time period.

Dun dun. Dun dun. Dun dun dun dun, dun dun dun dun!