All the tube news that’s fit to surf …

– Dancing With the Stars producers canceled plans to have a monkey act as a faux judge on the show, after a protest from PETA. Which begs the question: If DWtS isn’t seen as being worthy of a monkey’s time, why are humans watching it?

– BET is teaming with Michael Vick for a reality series that follows the Eagles quarterback through his return to the NFL, after prison stint for running a dogfighting business.

– Juno Oscar nominee Ellen Page and Arrested Development star Alia Shawkat are teaming to write a comedy series, Stich N’ Bitch, for HBO. The show will follow two hipster pals who move from Brooklyn to Los Angeles to become artists. Wonder if the show’s title is inspired by the bestselling series of knitting books of the same name?

– The Newseum in Washington, D.C. is honoring the late Tim Russert with an exhibit that will include a re-creation of the newsman’s office, complete with desk clutter, his collection of autographed baseballs and a drawing by his son.

– Even though Mark Burnett and Sylvester Stallone couldn’t make a go of it on network TV, Showtime is premiering a reality boxing series on Oct. 10.

– Can’t bear to leave your TV set every day? The new FLO TV, a handheld television device, will hit stores in time for holiday shopping. Curious about who might buy it, though, as it costs $250, plus a three-year commitment to a monthly contract at $8.99/month. And it’s a uni-task gadget … no phone, no PDA, just a TV.

– Showtime’s upcoming Behind the Green Door series will feature comedian Paul Provenza, in front of a live audience, discussing various topics with fellow comedians like Andy Dick, Drew Carey, Sandra Bernhard, Roseanne, Martin Mull, Jonathan Winters, Bob Saget and Eddie Izzard.

– Update on The Jay Leno Show ratings: They continue to trend downward.

– Mo’Nique‘s new BET talk show, meanwhile, premiered to great numbers, adding to a great year for the comedienne/actress, who may earn an Oscar nod for her role in the big-screen indie drama Precious.

– As creepy as the Gosselins are, the Oct. 16 Law & Order episode that sorta spoofs them is even creepier, as the Kate-ish character in the episode is murdered, and the Jon-ish character is the suspect.

– Still can’t believe The Young and the Restless has written Victor Newman, a.k.a. Eric Braeden, out of the show. EW.com has an interview with Braeden, a 27-year veteran of the soap, whose departure is yet another major blow to the daytime soap genre.

– Planet Green has planned a reality version of Green Acres, in which a New York City couple flees the Big Apple and move to a farm in upstate New York.

– And tonight in primetime:

– Russell and Jaison butt heads on Survivor: Samoa (8PM ET, CBS)
– The Bones (8PM, Fox) crew has to deal with a Desperate Housewives-ish neighborhood when human remains are found during a block party
– Season premiere of This Old House at 8PM (check local listings for time and channel, PBS)
– Stefan reveals (part of) his past to Elena on The Vampire Diaries (8PM, The CW)
– Jeff realizes he has a gossiping problem on Community (8PM, NBC)
– On FlashForward (8PM, ABC), Mark and Janis meet an imprisoned Nazi who claims to have info on the blackout
– On Parks and Recreation (8:30PM, NBC), Leslie prepares for her date with Dave with a practice date with Ann
– Finally: It’s The Office wedding of Jim and Pam (9PM, NBC)
– Walter tries to help Olivia remember her meeting with William Bell via some medicinal aids on Fringe (9PM, Fox)
– Two co-workers’ robbery plan ends in murder on CSI (9PM, CBS)
– Meredith’s daddy has a health scare – and she has to treat him – on Grey’s Anatomy (9PM, ABC)
– The fellas meet a real monster – guest star Paris Hilton – on Supernatural (9PM, The CW)
– Skins (9PM, BBCA) wraps season three
– First season finale of Police Women of Broward County on TLC at 9PM
– New season of Tosh.O on Comedy Central (10PM)
– Lisbon is accused of killing a child molester on The Mentalist (10PM, CBS)
– Gerard Butler guests on The Jay Leno Show (10PM, NBC)
– Sheree and Dwight square off about her fashion line on The Real Housewives of Atlanta (10PM, Bravo)
– The Ace of Cakes (10PM, Food Network) crew bakes an alien-themed wedding cake
– Addison and Naomi try to become pals again on Private Practice (10PM, ABC)
– New Project Runway ep on Life time (10PM)
– The Paddy’s Pub gang plans an intervention for an out-of-control (even more so than usual) Frank on It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (10PM, FX)