(ALL TIMES ET)

9PM, SUN | ABC – 7TH SEASON FINALE
Desperate Housewives – The two-hour season ender has Renee bumming that her ex is remarrying, Tom and Lynnette trying to reconnect, Susan being welcomed back to the block with a party, Gaby finding out who’s stalking her, Bree wondering if her new dude is gay and … a murder!

11:30PM, SAT | NBC
Saturday Night Live – The Office and Hangover 2 star Ed Helms hosts the penultimate episode of the season, with Paul Simon as the musical guest.

8PM, SUN | ABC – 8TH SEASON FINALE
Extreme Makeover: Home Edition – While Ty and the crew build his family a new home, Patrick, a 9-year-old boy with brittle bone disease, travels to Hollywood to meet the cast of The Middle, including Patrick’s hero, The Middle star Atticus Shaffer.

8PM, SUN | STYLE – 3RD SEASON PREMIERE
Jerseylicious – The new season kicks off with Olivia reuniting with her ex, while Gigi tries to get used to being single.

8PM, SUN | FOX
The Simpsons – When the fam finds a set of keys that allow them to open every door in Springfield, Lisa discovers a secret classroom beneath Springfield Elementary.

8PM, SUN | CBS – 22ND SEASON FINALE
Survivor: Redemption Island – A three-hour block includes the season finale and the live reunion special, where the jury decides who will win the million-dollar prize.

9PM, SUN | NBC
The Celebrity Apprentice – In part one of the season finale, past celeb winners Joan Rivers, Bret Michaels and Piers Morgan return to help The Donald decide which of this season’s contestants should make the final two. After choosing them (can it really be anyone but John Rich and Marlee Matlin?), the final celebs must design packaging for a retro soda can and then shoot a commercial for the product.

10PM, SUN | A&E
Breakout Kings – A convict breaks out with plans to kidnap, and kill, a TV host.

10PM, SUN | DISCOVERY
Killing Bin Laden – The scoop on the Bin Laden military operation, with details on the Seal Team 6 and Bin Laden’s sea burial.

10PM, SUN | BRAVO
Real Housewives of Orange County – When the women head to Texas with Gretchen, Alexis lets her guard down and talks about her life with Jim. Meanwhile, back in Orange County, Tamra‘s legal woes with Simon become an issue between her and Jeana when Jeana blabs to the media about her take on Tamra and her ex.

Worth flipping to during commercials:
– A Time Lord’s distress call sends the Doctor off on a mission that puts his companions and the TARDIS in jeopardy on Doctor Who (Sat., 9PM, BBCA);
– Off the Rez (Sat., 9PM, TLC) is a documentary that follows Native American basketball player Shoni Schimmel and her mother as they move off their Oregon reservation and try to secure a college scholarship for Shoni;
– Robert Pattinson, Reese Witherspoon and Hugh Laurie are the guests on The Graham Norton Show (Sat., 10PM, BBCA);
– A valet’s error sends two Philly women scrambling for their impounded car on Parking Wars (Sat., 10PM, A&E);
– Gail counsels a couple $100,000 in debt on Til Debt Do Us Part (Sat., 10PM, CNBC);
– Renee cuts loose during girls night out on Mob Wives (Sun., 8PM, VH1);
– Trevor’s marital woes impact his work on Army Wives (Sun., 9PM, Lifetime);
– Peter home schools Meg and Chris when Lois goes to Paris on Family Guy (Sun., 9PM, Fox);
– The detectives investigate a hacker’s murder on Law & Order: Criminal Intent (Sun., 9PM, USA);
– Cleveland and the fam go to Comic Con in the season two finale of The Cleveland Show (Sun., 9:30PM, Fox);
– Mary plays go-between for a witness and a suspect who’ve fallen for each other on In Plain Sight (Sun., 10PM, USA);
– It’s Christmastime on Treme (Sun., 10PM, HBO).

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• Filed in Late Night, Real Housewives
• Tags: Breakout Kings, Celebrity Apprentice, Desperate Housewives, Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, Jerseylicious, Killing Bin Laden, Real Housewives of Orange County, Saturday Night Live, Survivor Redemption Island, The Simpsons

(ALL TIMES ET)

8PM, SUN | FOX
The Simpsons – Call him “Homer Scissorhands,” the name of this episode, in which Homie finds out he’s got mad hairstylist skills. Elsewhere, after Lisa rejects him, Milhouse gets his swerve on with a popular fifth-grade girl.

4PM, SAT | NBC
Kentucky Derby – Mucho Macho Man and Uncle Mo … pro wrestlers? Nope, they’re among the horsies contending for the championship at today’s 137th Kentucky Derby.

9PM, SAT | SYFY
Almighty Thor – Richard Grieco – Yes, the 21 Jump Street guy – plays Thor enemy Loki in this Syfy spin on the story, which, of course, is very timely with this weekend’s big-screen Thor flick.

9PM, SAT | HBO
Lady Gaga Presents the Monsters Ball Tour: At Madison Square Garden – Gaga performs with a 10-piece band and 10 backup dancers in this MSG concert, taped in February.

10PM, SAT | PLAYBOY
Celebrity Sex Tales – Did someone declare this National Richard Grieco Day (someone besides Richard Grieco) and forget to tell us? ‘Cuz dude’s turning up in this new series, too, along with other, ahem, celebs – Corey Feldman, John Salley, Janice Dickinson and, whoa, Barry “Greg Brady” Williams – who dish tales about their own sexploits.

11:30PM, SAT | NBC
Saturday Night Live – Tina Fey returns to her old stomping grounds as she hosts SNL for a second time, and, hopefully, makes a guest appearance on Weekend Update while she’s there.

8PM, SUN | CBS – 18TH SEASON FINALE
The Amazing Race – The season ends and a winning team is named as the race wraps in the Florida Keys.

8PM, SUN | NBC
The Celebrity Apprentice – Jimmy Fallon and Tracy Morgan guest star for a challenge in which the teams have to produce a live comedy show, and, in the second half of the three-hour episode, one team is done in by bickering while tasked with creating an ad for vehicle safety and navigation system. Hmmmm, bickering team … who could that possibly be?

8PM, SUN | ABC
Extreme Makeover: Home Edition – In this lovely Mother’s Day episode, a volleyball coach who took in three sisters after their parents died gets a grand new home to replace her tiny, rundown house.

8PM, SUN | MILITARY CHANNEL
A Salute to the Navy SEALs – The Military Channel salutes the heroic Navy SEALs with three hours of specials devoted to the elite force, including Navy SEALs: Untold Stories, Ace in the Hole and Somali Pirate Takedown: The Real Story.

9PM, SUN | STYLE
Jerseylicious Reunion – One word: catfight. Or rather, catfights.

10PM, SUN | CBS – 9TH SEASON FINALE
CSI: Miami – Horatio captures a fugitive who has some nefarious plot far beyond jail escape on his mind.

10PM, SUN | BRAVO
Real Housewives of Orange County – Vicki yet again predicts the end of her marriage, but she may be right this time.

11PM, SUN | OWN – SERIES PREMIERE
Why Not? With Shania Twain – The country diva lets cameras in as she tries to rebuild her life after a very painful, public divorce.

Worth flipping to during commercials:
– On Doctor Who (Sat., 9PM, BBC America), the TARDIS lands on a 17th-century pirate ship;
– An hour-long Parking Wars (Sat., 10PM, A&E) features the top 10 confrontations from the show’s first four seasons;
– Josh Groban and Doctor Who alum David Tennant are the guests on the season 9 opener of The Graham Norton Show (Sat., 10PM, BBC America);
– On back-to-back new Til Debt Do Us Part episodes (Sat., 10PM, CNBC), Gail counsels a wife and husband who’ve never discussed their finances with each other;
– Renee hosts a psychic party on Mob Wives (Sun., 8PM, VH1);
– Ruby (Sun., 8PM, Style) guest stars on Rosie O’Donnell‘s radio show;
– The real pirate haven of Port Royal, Jamaica is explored on the NGC special Wicked Pirate City (Sun., 8PM);
– Roxy tries to tell Trevor about her truck stop plans on Army Wives (Sun., 9PM, Lifetime);
– Bree dates, but doesn’t trust, a hot new detective, while the Scavos fight about their vacay on Desperate Housewives (Sun., 9PM, ABC);
– It’s Stewie vs. his evil twin Bertram on Family Guy (Sun., 9PM, Fox);
– A winner is chosen in the season 1 finale of Last Cake Standing (Sun., 9PM, Food Network);
– In the series premiere, six BBQ chefs compete for a $50,000 prize on Best in Smoke (Sun., 10PM, Food Network);
– The Breakout Kings (Sun., 10PM, A&E) are on the trail of a contract killer;
– Sarah and Luc get married on the season 5 finale of Brothers & Sisters (Sun., 10PM, ABC);
– Mary helps a witness reconnect with his son on In Plain Sight (Sun., 10PM, USA).

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• Filed in Real Housewives, Saturday Night Live, TV Picks
• Tags: Almighty Thor Syfy, Amazing Race season finale, Celebrity Apprentice, CSI: Miami season finale, Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, Jerseylicious Reunion, Lady Gaga HBO, Navy SEALs Military Channel, Real Housewives of Orange County, Saturday Night Live Tina Fey, The Simpsons, Why Not? With Shania Twain

(ALL TIMES ET)

9PM, SUN | NBC
The Celebrity Apprentice – We’ve been seeing the preview for months, and tonight, we finally see the NeNe Leakes/Star Jones blowout that has led to a bitter feud between the two divas. The challenge for the teams tonight involves putting on a live hair show, where you’d assume the women’s team would have the upper hand. But with the team’s two strongest personalities going for each other’s jugulars, John Rich, Lil Jon and Meatloaf just may be able to sneak in for another victory.

9PM, SAT | BBC America
Doctor Who – The Doctor is thrown in the hoosegow, while the FBI is hot on the trail of Amy, Rory and River Song in the conclusion of last week’s season opener.

10 and 10:30PM, SAT | A&E
Parking Wars – Back-to-back episodes include a wild Friday night, and an even wilder crowd, for the ticket officers in Philadelphia.

8PM, SUN | NBC – 1ST SEASON FINALE
America’s Next Great Restaurant – A winner is chosen in the season one finale – meatballs, soul food or modern Indian cuisine are the choices – and gets restaurant openings in New York, Hollywood and Minneapolis as a reward.

8PM, SUN | FOX
The Simpsons – In “The Real Housewives of Fat Tony,” Fat Tony woos and marries Selma, and invites Marge and Homer to accompany them to the Jersey shore.

9PM, SUN | LIFETIME
Army Wives – Pamela worries that Whit is spending too much time with Roxy and the boys, and when she voices her opinion, Roxy reacts badly.

9PM, SUN | USA – 10TH SEASON PREMIERE
Law & Order: Criminal Intent – They’re dropping like flies, ya’ll. This will be the latest L&O to leave the airwaves after an eight-episode season, which kicks off tonight with Eames and Goren investigating the death of a hooker. Also in tonight’s ep: Jay Mohr guest stars as a hard-partying fashion designer who, in “ripped from today’s headlines” L&O tradition, was reportedly inspired by Charlie Sheen and his recent antics.

10PM, SUN | A&E
Breakout Kings – When a jewel thief escapes, the team decides they have to figure out what he’s planning to steal in order to catch him.

10PM, SUN | USA – 4TH SEASON PREMIERE
In Plain Sight – Mary tries to track down a witness to help clear Brandi on grand theft auto charges.

10PM, SUN | BRAVO
The Real Housewives of Orange County – Vicki and Alexis stir up trouble at Peggy‘s big dinner party, though it’s tough to take seriously Peggy’s intentions when she seemed to care more about hiring a famous chef than about how the food tasted.

Worth flipping to during commercials:
– True Blood and Oprah are among those honored at the 25th annual Genesis Awards (Sat., 7PM, Animal Planet), which recognize those who’ve raised awareness of animal issues every year;
– John Leguizamo, Trace Adkins and Lisa Ling are among the celebs who show off their casas in the new series Hollywood at Home (Sat., 8PM, HGTV);
– Doctor Who in America (Sat., 10PM, BBCA) runs down America’s fandom of the quintessential British sci-fi show;
– Gail counsels a couple who may lose their home on back-to-back Til Debt Do Us Part episodes (Sat., 10PM, CNBC);
– The Amazing Race (Sun., 8PM, CBS) heads to Switzerland;
– 100 Marines help Ty and the gang rebuild a home for the family of a fellow deployed Marine on Extreme Makeover: Home Edition (Sun., 8PM, ABC);
– On Mob Wives (Sun., 8PM, VH1), Renee, Karen and Drita are affected when a major mob bust goes down;
– Ruby delves into her childhood in an intense session with the therapist (Sun., 8PM, Style);
– Lynn and Casey battle again when they accompany Audrina to NY on Audrina (Sun., 9PM, VH1);
– Susan finds out Felicia is out of jail, while Lynette and Tom tangle when she redecorates his office on Desperate Housewives (Sun., 9PM, ABC);
– Ned finds out the kingdom is in major financial trouble on Game of Thrones (Sun., 9PM, HBO);
– A California college counselor goes undercover in the season two finale of Undercover Boss (Sun., 9PM, CBS);
– Ursula finds out who’s responsible for the death of her hubs on The Borgias (Sun., 10PM, Showtime);
– The West Wing star Josh Malina guest stars on CSI: Miami (Sun., 10PM, CBS);
– Stan steps up his own investigation of his daughter’s murder on The Killing (Sun., 10PM, AMC);
– Toni helps a Massachusetts man trying to find out what happened to his son after Katrina on Treme (Sun., 10PM, HBO).

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• Filed in Real Housewives, TV Picks
• Tags: America's Next Great Restaurant, Army Wives, Breakout Kings, Celebrity Apprentice, Doctor Who, In Plain Sight, Law & Order: Criminal Intent, Parking Wars, The Real Housewives of Orange County, The Simpsons

(ALL TIMES ET)

9PM, SUN | FOOD NETWORK
Chopped All-Stars – In part two of the five-part all-star competition, four Food network stars – including Duff Goldman and Robert Irvine – delve into the mystery baskets, which, in the dessert round, includes jelly beans and fennel.

9PM, SAT | CMT
Ron White’s Comedy Salute to the Troops – With troops from Camp Pendleton in attendance, Ron White hosts and Lewis Black and Rascal Flatts are among the performers in this concert, with proceeds benefitting the Armed Forces Foundation.

9:30PM, SAT | HBO
Runnin’ Rebels of UNLV – The fast-paced doc chronicles the fast-paced UNLV men’s basketball program under Coach Jerry Tarkanian, which netted a national championship and the constant scrutiny of the NCAA.

10PM, SAT | SCIENCE CHANNEL – 1ST SEASON FINALE
An Idiot Abroad – Karl returns home from his ’round the world journey, and Ricky and Stephen are waiting to find out what (if anything) he’s learned.

11:30PM, SAT | NBC
Saturday Night Live – Zach Galifianakis hosts, Jessie J is musical guest and, if there is a comedy god, Stefon (Bill Hader) will make an appearance during Weekend Update.

8PM, SUN | SUNDANCE – 2ND SEASON FINALE
Brick City – Mayor Booker wins re-election in the season ender, but the celebration is short-lived as his city’s money woes continue and his proposed budget doesn’t get the vote of the city council.

9PM, SUN | VH1
40 Most Shocking Breakups – If Tiger and Elin and Sandra and Jesse aren’t numero uno, they’ve gotta be near the top, no?

9PM, SUN | HBO
Big Love – Heading into next Sunday’s series finale, the family has to worry about Alby, Rhonda, Margene, Barb’s new church and Cara Lynn and her teacher. And it’s leading up to what will include at least one shocker in the big wrap-up next week.

9PM, SUN | NBC
The Celebrity Apprentice – Writing a children’s book seems like an innocent enough task, but this group of goofy celebs manages to turn it into a drama-ridden exercise. Oh, Gary Busey.

9PM, SUN | TLC – 2ND SEASON PREMIERE
Sister Wives – What happened after the real-life Big Love types outed themselves as polygamists in the premiere season? We get the scoop in the season two premiere, as Kody and his wives travel to New York to do the talk show circuit.

10PM, SUN | BRAVO
The Real Housewives of Orange County – Gretchen begins to wonder if marrying Slade is a good idea. Duh, losing!

Worth flipping to during commercials:
– It’s up to Kel Mitchell and Nia Peeples to save the world from an alien invasion in Battle of Los Angeles (Sat., 9PM, Syfy);
– Bobby Flay samples the most delicious foods of Ireland in Bobby’s Ireland (Sat., 9PM, Food Network);
– The Biebs and Natasha Bedingfield make guest appearances during the Rascal Flatts: Nothng Like This concert in Minnesota (Sat., 9PM, ABC);
– In back-to-back episodes of Til Debt Do Us Part (Sat., 10PM, CNBC), Gail helps one couple who, with their four children, are about to face foreclosure, plus a newlywed couple with two kids;
– The Amazing Race (Sun., 8PM, CBS) continues in China;
– The 10 finalists have to create a logo, hire a chef and feed thousands of people at CityWalk in Hollywood on America’s Next Great Restaurant (Sun., 8PM, NBC);
– John Salley hosts the Basketball Wives Reunion Special (Sun., 8PM, VH1). a.k.a. Ev and Tami, the rematch;
– Ruby (Sun., 8PM, Style) spirals into a depression after finding letters she wrote to herself as a teenager;
– Homer becomes a part of the comedy team Cheech and Chunk on The Simpsons (Sun., 8PM, Fox);
– Claudia Joy graduates and gets a big job offer on Army Wives (Sun., 9PM, Lifetime);
– On Californication (Sun., 9PM, Showtime), Hank’s trial begins, as does the parade of witnesses who, in telling the truth, paint a not-so-favorable portrait of Mr. Moody;
– David remakes a belly dancer’s wedding on My Fair Wedding With David Tutera (Sun., 9PM, WE);
– The team has to track down a bad dude who likes to kidnap and torture women on Breakout Kings (Sun., 10PM, A&E);
– Series star Adam Rodriguez wrote and directed this episode of CSI: Miami (Sun., 10PM, CBS), in which the team discovers a creepy hunting club where the prey is people.

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• Filed in Real Housewives, Saturday Night Live, Sports, TV Picks
• Tags: 40 Most Shocking Breakups VH1, An Idiot Abroad, Big Love, Brick City, Celebrity Apprentice, Chopped All-Stars, Real Housewives of Orange County, Ron White's Comedy Salute to the Troops, Runnin' Rebels of UNLV, Saturday Night Live, Sister Wives season 2

(ALL TIMES ET)

9PM, SUN | FOOD NETWORK
Chopped All-Stars – The most addictive show on TV kicks off a five-week all-star version, where Chopped judges, other Food Network personalities and contestants from The Next Food Network Star compete against each other for a big $50,000 donation to the winner’s favorite charity. Among those competing: Duff Goldman, Robert Irvine, Anne Burrell, Aaron Sanchez, Jacques Torres and Geoffrey Zakarian. Must. See.

11:30PM, SAT | NBC
Saturday Night Live – What else is there to say? It’s pretty cool that Miley Cyrus is hosting the show that loves to poke fun at her. And that The Strokes provide musical entertainment for the episode.

8PM, SUN | NBC – SERIES PREMIERE
America’s Next Great Restaurant – Chefs Bobby Flay and Curtis Stone are among the mentors/investors in this reality competition, in which contestants pitch ideas for new restaurants. The grand prize: The winner will be given the finds to open a new chain of restaurants.

8PM, SUN | STYLE – 4TH SEASON PREMIERE
Ruby – It’s starting off to be a tough season for Ruby, as she’s regained 60 pounds and has another emotional run-in with ex-boyfriend Denny.

9PM, SUN | LIFETIME – 5TH SEASON PREMIERE
Army Wives – Emmalin leaves for college, Denise is excited to meet her future daughter-in-law and Pamela considers a new job in Atlanta.

9PM, SUN | NBC – 11TH SEASON PREMIERE
Celebrity Apprentice – I’m not proud of how excited I am to see this particular season of Celeb Apprentice, but it does promise to be one of the guiltier TV pleasures of the next few months. Among the contestants: Real Housewives of Atlanta‘s NeNe Leakes, who wars with Star Jones; LaToya Jackson; Gary Busey; Jose Canseco; Meatloaf; and Mark McGrath.

10PM, SUN | A&E – SERIES PREMIERE
Breakout Kings – Jimmi Simpson, a.k.a. Liam McPoyle, stars in this new drama about a group of convicted felons who’ve broken out of prison and are hired by U.S. marshals to help them track down other escapees. Their reward: A month off their sentences for each escapee they help track down.

10PM, SUN | LIFETIME – SERIES PREMIERE
Coming Home – American Idol alum Matt Rogers hosts this fantastic, moving new series that profiles families preparing to welcome their loved ones – troops from Afghanistan and around the world – back home.

10PM, SUN | BRAVO – 6TH SEASON PREMIERE
Real Housewives of Orange County – They’re baaack: Tamra hosts a shopping party to kick off the new season, and a sauced Gretchen takes the opportunity to tell the newly-single Tamra what she thinks of her.

10PM, SUN | ANIMAL PLANET – SERIES PREMIERE
Taking on Tyson – Yep, it’s that Mike Tyson, and yep, he’s racing pigeons.

Worth flipping to during commercials:
– Jaime and Cara are involved in a car accident in Japan on Amazing Race: Unfinished Business (Sun., 8PM, CBS);
– On the second season finale of Basketball Wives (Sun., 8PM, VH1), Evelyn goes to Cincinnati to visit Chad;
– Actor Terry Crews and his fam kick off the second season of their reality series The Family Crews (Sun., 8PM, BET);
– Firefly (Sun., 8PM) begins airing on Science Channel (yay!);
– It’s season two of Secret Millionaire (Sun., 8PM, ABC);
– Werner Herzog and Jackie Mason guest star as themselves on The Simpsons (Sun., 8PM, Fox);
– Only two episodes remain after tonight, and Alby turns the screws on Billy yet again on Big Love (Sun, 9PM, HBO);
– Hank has to sleep in his car after getting kicked out of the hotel on Californication (Sun., 9PM, Showtime);
– Daniel Tosh: Happy Thoughts (Sun., 9PM, Comedy Central) is the comedian and host’s stand-up performance from San Francisco;
– Lynette tries to prevent Renee from adopting a baby on Desperate Housewives (Sun., 9PM, ABC);
– David makes over a Monopoly-themed wedding on My Fair Wedding With David Tutera (Sun., 9PM, WE);
– On Undercover Boss (Sun., 9PM, CBS), the mayor of Cincinnati goes undercover as a city worker;
– Horatio works to find a serial killer after his latest victim narrowly escapes with her life on CSI: Miami (Sun., 10PM, CBS);
– The series premiere of Heavily Ever After (Sun., 10PM, TLC) follows the overweight Combs couple as they try to lose weight and get healthier.

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• Filed in Real Housewives, Saturday Night Live, TV Picks
• Tags: America's Next Great Restaurant, Army Wives season 5, Breakout Kings, Celebrity Apprentice, Chopped All-Stars, Coming Home, Miley Cyrus Saturday Night Live, Real Housewives of Orange County season 6, Ruby, Taking on Tyson