All the tube news that’s fit to surf …

– Can’t. Wait. For the July 21 season premiere of Hell’s Kitchen, when one of the contestants finally stands up to Gordon Ramsay‘s verbal abuse by inviting him to step outside. Sometimes Ramsay is funny, and sometimes he’s just a tool, so I doubt I’ll be the only one cheering when the reality TV bully gets some feedback from a contestant, who happens to also be a non-active Marine.

– TNT is launching cool new role playing games for its new Dylan McDermott undercover cop drama Dark Blue and the return of its Timothy Hutton con drama Leverage. The games will officially kick off on July 15, the shows’ premiere date.

– The already rich and ubiquitous Ryan Seacrest is about to become even richer and ubiquitous-er (simmer down, I know it’s not a word): The American Idol and E! host is finalizing a new contract that will reportedly make him among the highest-paid reality hosts on TV. Sounds right to me … who deserves it more than the hard-working Seacrest, who really does make his many hosting gigs, from TV to radio, look effortless?

– Napoleon Dynamite star Jon Heder has signed on to star in a new Comedy Central series that will be produced and written by FunnyorDie.com‘s Will Ferrell, Adam McKay and Chris Henchy. The series, which will find Heder playing an unemployed tech guy who moves back in with his ‘rents, is said to cost $50 million, as the initial 10-episode order could lead the network to pick up 90 episodes, a la TBS’ House of Payne and Meet the Browns deals with Tyler Perry.

– Think a teenage version of Hung and that’s MTV’s upcoming comedy Hard Times, about a 15-year-old boy who becomes infamous when his classmates see that he’s really a Big Man on Campus (emphasis on the “Big”).

– SyFy’s dramedy Warehouse 13, which has been described as “Indiana Jones-meets-Moonlighting-meets-The X-Files,” drew the third highest premiere ratings in the network’s history. Check out my interview with charming series star Eddie McClintock at AOL TV.

– Since the movie biz seems to have little use for her these days, Lindsay Lohan has set up a production company to pitch TV shows, including what is being called “Entourage for the fashion world.”

– Speaking of fashion, whether you knew it or not, this is what your wardrobe has been missing: Selections from the Gene Simmons Moneybag line.

– Wanna know how to have the kind of body that will land you a, ahem, swell guy like Spencer Pratt? It’s all in The Heidi Workout.

– And this weekend in primetime:

FRIDAY
– On a new Degrassi: The Next Generation (8PM ET, The N), K.C.’s past comes to light, and Emma yet again does something stupid to change her image
– The N’s new Hollywood wannabe dramedy The Assistants premieres at 8:30PM
– New Eureka episodes return to SyFy at 9PM
– An Anthrax scare quarantines the ship on Whale Wars (9PM, Animal Planet)
– See how wood sculptures and fountain pens are made on How It’s Made (9PM, Science Channel)

SATURDAY
– David faces treason charges on Kings (8PM, NBC)
– Series finales for Harper’s Island (9PM, CBS) and Eli Stone (10PM, ABC)

SUNDAY
– The first eviction nominees are revealed on Big Brother (8PM, CBS)
– Ruby continues to pursue her weight loss goals on the Style Network (8PM)
– Lifetime’s new comedy Drop Dead Diva premieres at 9PM
– Daisy dumps another dude on Daisy of Love (9PM, VH1)
– A poet may be involved in a murder on Law & Order: Criminal Intent (9PM, USA)
– Lisa has a reunion with her hubby on Ice Road Truckers (9PM, History Channel)
– Sophie’s boyfriend is cheating on her on Gene Simmons Family Jewels (9PM, A&E)
– On The Next Food Network Star (9PM, Food Network), the contestants have to make a dish with only what they can find in an airline terminal
– Bill, Sookie and Jessica fly to Texas to find a vampire on True Blood (9PM, HBO)
– Hammer and fam travel to Vegas for his mom’s 70th birthday on Hammertime (10PM
– Raphael’s ma starts planning an engagement soiree – sans Mary’s help – on In Plain Sight (10PM, USA)
– Tanya arranges for Ray’s first tryout as a “happiness consultant” on Hung (HBO, 10PM)
– On Jesse James Is a Dead Man (10PM, Spike), Jesse fulfills fans’ requests, including trying to catch a rattlesnake with his bare hands
–  The sixth season of Entourage premieres on HBO at 10:30PM

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• Filed in TV News
• Tags: Dark Blue role play game, Eddie McClintock, Gene Simmons Moneybag, Gordon Ramsay, Hard Times MTV, Heidi Pratt, Hell's Kitchen season 6 fight, Jon Heder Comedy Central, Leverage role play game, Lindsay Lohan TV, Ryan Seacrest contract, Spencer Pratt, Warehouse 13

All the tube news that’s fit to surf …

– Among the TV shows that will host panels at the San Diego Comic-Con in July: Chuck, Dexter, Dollhouse, Lost, MythBusters, Psych, True Blood, Supernatural and Smallville.

– There may be no such thing as a free lunch, but there are free TV comedy episodes to watch while you’re noshing. Thanks to Sitcoms Online.com for the heads up about iTunes’ summer sale, which includes free episodes of Arrested Development, Reno 911! and The State, 99-cent eps of The Office, 30 Rock and The Larry Sanders Show, and, best of all, the entire five-episode first season of The State for $3.96.

– Fox has announced its fall 2009 premiere dates, kicking off its season on Sept. 16 with Glee and (another) new season of So You Think You Can Dance.

– Speaking of SYTYCD, why would Katie Holmes be performing on the show? Right? Yet, the rumor persists that she’ll be shaking her moneymaker on a July episode.

– American Idol season five vet, and one of the show’s most successful artists, Chris Daughtry, talks about his second album, which will be released on July 14.

– America’s Got Talent kicks off next week on NBC (June 23, (9PM ET), but will the show find its own Susan Boyle? Even though the Internet sensation was the runner-up on the latest season of Britain’s Got Talent, she’s reportedly earning more than $160,000 for a 12-minute performance at corporate events. In comparison, former President Bill Clinton gets between $140,000-150,000.

– NPH – Neil Patrick Harris, of course – is going to be a villain called The Music Meister in a fall episode of Cartoon Network’s Batman: The Brave and the Bold. Wouldn’t he be great in the next big-screen Batman, too …

– Gossip Girl is the big TV nominee at this year’s Teen Choice Awards.

– Heidi Pratt says Al Roker made her cry. So does dry shampoo … in other words, what doesn’t? Did being chastised by Whoopi Goldberg also make her shed tears?

– Dave Letterman apologizes, again, for the Palin jokes on tonight’s Late Show.

– Heroes star Sendhil Ramamurthy will guest star in the upcoming “Bollywood Homicide” episode of Psych, which premieres (not soon enough) its fourth season on Aug. 7.

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• Filed in TV News
• Tags: 30 Rock, Al Roker, America's Got Talent, American Idol, Arrested Development, Batman: The Brave and the Bold, Chris Daughtry, Chuck, David Letterman, Dexter, Dollhouse, Fox fall premiere dates, Fox premiere dates, Glee, Gossip Girl, Heidi Pratt, Katie Holmes, Lost, MythBusters, Neil Patrick Harris, NPH, Psych, Reno 911!, San Diego Comic Con, Sendhil Ramamurthy, Smallville, So You Think You Can Dance, Supernatural, Susan Boyle, Teen Choice Awards, The Larry Sanders Show, The Office, The State, True Blood, Whoopi Goldberg

All the tube news that’s fit to surf …

– Tonight is the big 20/20 interview with Adam Lambert.

– The Real Housewives of New York, New Jersey, Atlanta and O.C. are guest-hosting the fourth hour of the Today Show next week. Monday, it’s Bethenny Frankel (Real Housewives of New York City), on Tuesday, Danielle Staub (Real Housewives of New Jersey), NeNe Leakes from Real Housewives of Atlanta on Wednesday and Tamra Barney from Real Housewives of Orange County on Thursday.

– MLB Network is debuting its first reality series, The Pen, on June 14 (8PM ET). The show covers the action in the Philadelphia Phillies bullpen.

– The Real World 23 will take place in Washington, D.C.

– Robert Rodriguez confirms his live-action boob tube-to-big screen Jetsons movie will begin filming next year. Moviehole thinks Danny DeVito may be too old to play Mr. Spacely, but it’s hard to picture anyone else in the role, no?

– My Name Is Earl is officially kaput, though EW.com’s Michael Ausiello says there is a cable network still interested in potentially picking up Samantha Who?.

– Heidi, of Heidi-n-Spencer infamy, will reportedly pose nekkid for Playboy. Curious how that fits in with her alleged religious beliefs …

– A line of Danny Gokey eyeglasses? Yup.

– While Stephen Baldwin is off in the jungle on I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here, his foreclosed home is being auctioned off.

– And signs of life from one of my favorite comedies, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, which shot some scenes on location in Philly this week, under the direction of Fred Savage (yes, Wonder Years Fred Savage). And how cool is Charlie Day? He’s definitely on my dream Emmy nomination list. The show, BTW, is scheduled to return to FX for its fifth season in September, and will include an episode in which Sweet Dee (Kaitlin Olson) tries to emulate Octomom.

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• Filed in American Idol, Boob Tube to Big Screen, TV News
• Tags: 20/20, Adam Lambert, Charlie Day, Danielle Staub, Danny DeVito, Danny Gokey, Danny Gokey eyeglasses, Fred Savage, Get Me Out of Here, Heidi and Spencer, Heidi Montag, Heidi Pratt, I'm a Celebrity, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia season 5, Kaitlin Olson, MLB Network, My Name Is Earl, NeNe Leakes, Octomom, Real Housewives, Real Housewives of Atlanta, Real Housewives of New Jersey, Real Housewives of New York City, Real Housewives of Orange County, Robert Rodriguez, Samantha Who?, Stephen Baldwin, Tamra Barney, The Jetsons, The Pen, The Real World, Today Show, Wonder Years

All the tube news that’s fit to surf …

– Mad Men, season three, August 16 at 10PM ET on AMC. Be there, or be somewhere else, somewhere where people don’t knock back three vodka gimlets before lunch, aren’t nearly as dapperly-attired as Don Draper (Jon Hamm) and don’t have offices that are bigger than my entire New York City apartment. Yeah, not sounding nearly as much fun as Mad Men, right?

– Is designer Vera Wang going to be competing on the next season of Dancing With the Stars? And if so, does that mean we can count on less cheesy costumes?

– Plus-size model Emme has been hired to host Fox’s More to Love, the reality dating show that will feature “average-looking” people

– Discovery Channel’s 22nd annual Shark Week kicks off on August 2.

– Matt Mitovich at TVGuide.com says Rick Springfield will play, fittingly enough, Rick Springfield, when he guest stars on the new season of Californication, but he’ll be a naughty Rick Springfield, one whose sex play makes David Duchovny‘s Hank “look like a Jonas brother.” Not that I’m buying that whole purity ring business about the Jonas Bros. …

– In celebration of its 15th anniversary, TCM has created its own social network site, TCM Classic Film Union, for movie buffs.

– Gordon Ramsay has apologized for, well, basically, for being a tool. You can watch the apology here.

– I reeeally want to like Dr. Drew and trust his motives, but a real doctor prolly should offer to help Lindsay Lohan, or a less-famous addict, whether or not she accepts a reported six-figure offer to appear on his reality show, Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew, right? Of course, the story seems to be originating with Lohan’s dad, so, grain – no, make that rock, huge, ginormous rock – of salt on the whole thing.

– The Shield creator Shawn Ryan is going back to FX with a comedy about private detectives, called Terriers.

– Futurama‘s back! With 26 new episodes in 2010!

– Good news for David Letterman: He, with guest Julia Roberts, beat Conan O’Brien‘s Tonight Show on Tuesday. Worse news for Conan: His ratings keep dropping. Don’t count him out tho; remember his first years as Late Night host?

– More ratings wars news: Judge Judy beat Oprah. Whoa.

– ABC’s getting a jump on the competition by announcing its fall premiere dates.

– The ratings for the Nurse Jackie series premiere were so good, Showtime’s already greenlighting a second season, so go ahead and get hooked.

– Heidi Pratt‘s launching her own line of dry shampoo, after her shampoo shenanigans on I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here. I’m sure Oscar Blandi is shaking in his celebrity hair-cutting boots.

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• Filed in Celebreality, Late Night, Reality, TV News
• Tags: Californication, Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew, Conan O'Brien, Dancing With the Stars, David Duchovny, David Letterman, Discovery Channel, Don Draper, Dr. Drew, Drew Pinsky, Emme, Futurama, Get Me Out of Here, Gordon Ramsay, Heidi Pratt, I'm a Celebrity, Jon Hamm, Jonas, Judge Judy, Julia Roberts, Lindsay Lohan, Mad Men, More to Love, Nurse Jackie, Oprah, Rick Springfield, Shark Week, Shawn Ryan, TCM Classic Film Union, The Shield, Tonight Show, Vera Wang