(ALL TIMES ET)

9PM | TEENNICK – 11TH SEASON PREMIERE
Degrassi: Now or Never – The classic teen series gets all telenovela-y again, as tonight’s premiere kicks off seven weeks in which a new episode airs each night, Monday thru Thursday. Tonight, Sav is crushing on a new girl, who he runs into in a surprising way at the big Keke Palmer concert that opens the seven-week run. Elsewhere, Drew and Bianca worry about the return of her ex, and Fiona has a thang for a model in Holly J’s class. And those rumors about something tragic occurring this season? All true. As always, Degrassi … it goes there.

8PM | FOX – 9TH SEASON PREMIERE
Hell’s Kitchen – One contestant ends up in the hospital and another trio is deemed, by Gordon Ramsay, “the three stooges” as 18 new cheftestants try to win a head chef gig, this season at BLT Steak in New York City.

8PM | LIFETIME
Magic Beyond Words: The J.K. Rowling Story – Any Harry Potter fan worth his or her Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans knows the backstory of Potter author Rowling’s welfare days, but this sweet little biopic, with Poppy Montgomery as Rowling, is still worth a view in honor of last week’s release of the final Potter flick.

9PM | TLC
Cake Boss – Buddy bakes a giant cheeseburger cake for National Hamburger Month, which leads to a burger-eating contest with the staff. Sounds like a White Castle contest I regrettably witnessed in college. White Castle + drunken 20-year-olds + a bet = Gore on that level of that episode of The Walking Dead where the zombies noshed on the horse.

9PM | TNT
The Closer – Capt. Raydor (Mary McDonnell) gets extra snoopy into Brenda’s department, just as the police department undergoes some major reorgs.

9PM | COMEDY CENTRAL
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia – Tonight’s four-episode marathon includes the very un-PC (which is probably a redundant statement where any Sunny ep is concerned), but hilarious “Sweet Dee’s Dating a Retarded Person,” in which no one’s sure about the mental capabilities of Dee’s new boyfriend, rapper Lil’ Kev.

9PM | SYFY
Warehouse 13 – Pete and Myka investigate the sudden memory losses of witnesses in a murder trial. Maybe they ran out of their gingko biloba supply.

10PM | SYFY
Alphas – Okay, they’re Alphas. But now, they have to learn to balance their regular lives with their not-so-regular skills.

10PM | SHOWTIME
Weeds – While Nancy tries to land a job at Doug’s new office, Silas tries to talk his mom into a new partnership.

10:30PM | SHOWTIME
The Big C – Hugh Dancy guest stars as a fellow patient Cathy meets on the first day of the clinical trials, while Sean frets his house is haunted and Adam gets into a throwdown at school.

Worth flipping to during commercials:
– Ashley goes on home visits with her final four picks, including one who ‘fesses up that he’s not ready to get engaged yet, on The Bachelorette (8PM, ABC);
– Jen and Evelyn‘s friendship is threatened when Evelyn confronts Jen about unflattering comments Jen made in a radio interview, on Basketball Wives (8PM, VH1);
– Carter plays babysitter to Allison’s kids when she goes out of town for a medical conference on Eureka (8PM, Syfy);
– On The Secret Life of the American Teenager (8PM, ABC Family), Adrian returns to school and walks head-on into a confrontation with Ben;
– The top 11 compete on Masterchef (9PM, Fox);
– Molly Ringwald and Lady Bunny guest on RuPaul’s Drag U (9PM, Logo);
– A 456-pound nurse tries to lose half her body weight in a year on Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition (10PM, ABC);
– Among the goodies coming into the shop on tonight’s back-to-back Pawn Star$ (10 and 10:30PM, History): a Godfather script signed by Al Pacino and a motorcycle once owned by Steve McQueen;
– On Rizzoli & Isles (10PM, TNT), Jane and Maura investigate the murder of a pregnant surrogate mother.

And the late-night line-up:
– Conan (11PM, TBS): Bryan Cranston;
– The Daily Show with Jon Stewart (11PM, Comedy Central): Daniel Radcliffe;
– The Colbert Report (11:30PM, Comedy Central): John Prendergast;
– The Late Show with David Letterman (11:35PM, CBS): Bono and The Edge;
– The Tonight Show with Jay Leno (11:35PM, NBC): Neil Patrick Harris;
– Lopez Tonight (Midnight, TBS): Piers Morgan;
– Jimmy Kimmel Live (12:05AM, ABC): Aaron Paul and Roseanne;
– Late Night with Jimmy Fallon (12:35AM, NBC): Mila Kunis;
– The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (12:37AM, CBS): Elizabeth Banks;
– Last Call with Carson Daly (1:35AM, NBC): Alex Prager.

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• Filed in It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Late Night, TV Picks, Weeds
• Tags: Alphas, Cake Boss, Degrassi season 11, Hell's Kitchen season 9, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Magic Beyond Words: The J.K. Rowling Story, The Bachelorette, The Big C, The Closer, Warehouse 13, Weeds