(ALL TIMES ET)

8PM | CBS
The Big Bang Theory – Sheldon’s mama visits, which puts him into hyper-competitive mode, because she seems to be paying more attention to his friends.

9PM | LIFETIME – 9TH SEASON FINALE, PART 1
Project Runway – The Big Gunn – PR mentor Tim Gunn – visits the finalists at home to see how their collections are progressing.

10PM | FX
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia – The storm of the century is scheduled to hit Philly, which means panicked shopping for Mac, and looting for other Philadelphians. And, of course, there is a bunker involved.

10PM | MTV – 4TH SEASON FINALE
Jersey Shore – Here’s The Situation: As the NJ crew prepares to leave Italy and head back home, their frustration with Mike’s buttinsky ways leaves him threatening not to join them back at the Shore.

10PM | CBS
The Mentalist – Rigsby worries that his new girlfriend is going to cause hard feelings between him and Van Pelt, while Jane (Simon Baker) and the team investigate the murder of a woman whose body washed up on the coast of California.

10:30PM | FX
The League – Ruxin worries that Taco is going to sleep with the attractive nanny (guest Brie Larson) he hired to take care of Geoffrey.

11PM | MTV
Jersey Shore Season 4 Reunion – Because these people have some explainin’ to do.

Worth flipping to during commercials:
– Elena and her friends begin their senior year on The Vampire Diaries (8PM, The CW);
– Lee Majors and Marilu Henner guest star on Grey’s Anatomy (9PM, ABC);
– Reese and Finch have to deal with a tough judge and a Person of Interest (9PM, CBS) who doesn’t like the way they do what they do;
– Addison treats a pregnant woman who lost her memory after a car accident on Private Practice (10PM, ABC).

And the late-night line-up:
– Conan (11PM, TBS): Jesse Tyler Ferguson;
– The Daily Show with Jon Stewart (11PM, Comedy Central): Richard Brookhiser;
– The Colbert Report (11:30PM, Comedy Central): Coldplay;
– The Late Show with David Letterman (11:35PM, CBS): George Clooney (REPEAT);
– The Tonight Show with Jay Leno (11:35PM, NBC): Hugh Jackman and Tony Bennett (REPEAT);
– Jimmy Kimmel Live (12:05AM, ABC): Mute Math (REPEAT);
– Late Night with Jimmy Fallon (12:35AM, NBC): Will Forte and Amy Sedaris (REPEAT);
– The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (12:37AM, CBS): Tom Lennon;
– Last Call with Carson Daly (1:35AM, NBC): Michelle Monaghan (REPEAT).

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• Tags: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Jersey Shore finale, Project Runway finale

(ALL TIMES ET)

10PM | FX
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia – In “Frank Reynolds’ Little Beauties,” the gang takes on toddlers and tiaras when Frank produces his own kiddie beauty pageant, then worries people will think he’s a perv. Which, of course, he is, but not in this instance.

8PM | CBS
The Big Bang Theory – Leonard and Amy get to know each other when he accompanies her to a wedding. Meanwhile, Bernadette and Howard spend the weekend with Mrs. Wolowitz.

8PM | NBC
Community – Freaks and Geeks star Martin Starr plays the gang’s professor, and advisor for a Model United Nations project, while Chang takes to his new campus security guard a little too enthusiastically.

8:30PM | CBS – SERIES PREMIERE
How to Be a Gentleman – It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia co-star and producer David Hornsby (he plays Rickety Cricket) stars in this new sitcom about a magazine etiquette columnist who’s told by his boss to modernize his column. His solution: hire his former high school bully nemesis (Entourage star Kevin Dillon) to be his life coach. Should you watch? Eh. Kevin Dillon is essentially playing Johnny Drama (which I don’t mean as a compliment), and everything else about the show feels very been there, done that.

8:30PM | NBC
Parks and Recreation – The former Mrs. Ron Swanson, Tammy One (guest star Patricia Clarkson), returns to wreak even more havoc on Ron’s (Nick Offerman) life, while Ben tries to help Tom get his new company’s finances on track.

9PM | ABC
Grey’s Anatomy – The chief makes a major career decision, while the fifth-year residents get their first chance to perform solo surgeries.

9PM | NBC
The Office – Robert (James Spader) motivates the sales staff with a rousing speech … and a major prize for the top dog.

9PM | LIFETIME
Project Runway – The designers have to whip up ’70s-inspired frocks.

10PM | CBS
The Mentalist – Jane gets his job back, but when he’s assigned to a new team, he plots to get Lisbon and the crew back.

10:30PM | FX – 3RD SEASON FINALE
Archer – In the conclusion of the “Heart of Archness” saga, Archer and company escape from the pirate island.

Worth flipping to during commercials:
– Old Spice Guy Isaiah Mustafa guests on Charlie’s Angels (8PM, ABC);
– Stefan is reunited with an old love on The Vampire Diaries (8PM, The CW);
– Auditions continue on The X Factor (8PM, Fox);
– Finch talks about his machine’s origins on Person of Interest (9PM, CBS);
– On Jersey Shore (10PM, MTV), Deena has a pregnancy scare, which should really scare all of us, as a people, that she might unleash a mini-Deena on the world;
– Duffy doesn’t welcome Jane’s help on his murder/kidnapping case on Prime Suspect (10PM, NBC);
– On the fifth season premiere of Private Practice (10PM, ABC), Pete has a heart attack and Addison plots having a baby with Jake (Benjamin Bratt).

And the late-night line-up:
– Conan (11PM, TBS): Patton Oswalt;
– The Daily Show with Jon Stewart (11PM, Comedy Central): Tony Bennett;
– The Colbert Report (11:30PM, Comedy Central): Mark Cuban;
– The Late Show with David Letterman (11:35PM, CBS): Death Cab for Cutie and Kaley Cuoco;
– The Tonight Show with Jay Leno (11:35PM, NBC): Chaz Bono and Albert Brooks;
– Jimmy Kimmel Live (12:05AM, ABC): Matt Stone and Trey Parker;
– Late Night with Jimmy Fallon (12:35AM, NBC): Melissa McCarthy;
– The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (12:37AM, CBS): Carson Kressley;
– Last Call with Carson Daly (1:35AM, NBC): Sons of Anarchy creator Kurt Sutter.

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• Tags: Archer season finale, Community, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Parks and Recreation, Project Runway, Ron Swanson, The Mentalist, The Office James Spader

(ALL TIMES ET)

8:30PM | NBC – 4TH SEASON PREMIERE
Parks and Recreation – So harsh: Leslie (Amy Poehler) has to choose between Ben (Adam Scott) and her dream of running for political office. Meanwhile, one Tammy ex-wife isn’t enough for Ron Swanson (Nick Offerman): his first Tammy ex is headed back into his life, and she looks a lot like big-screen star Patricia Clarkson. Because she is.

8PM | CBS – 5TH SEASON PREMIERE
Big Bang Theory – Penny’s so upset about sleeping with Raj that she considers leaving town, while Sheldon becomes a paintball cap’n on the one-hour season opener.

8PM | ABC – SERIES PREMIERE
Charlie’s Angels – Minka Kelly‘s cool, and that’s the best thing you can say about this lackluster remake of the ’70s “jigglefest” series. So why’s it on my Picks list? Because you might want to see for yourself how badly it fails to live up to original series …

8PM | NBC – 3RD SEASON PREMIERE
Community – The Wire‘s Michael K. Williams guest stars as Jeff’s new biology teacher (who kicks Mr. Winger out of class) and the great John Goodman plays the recurring role of Greendale Vice Dean Laybourne, the head of the Greendale Air Conditioning Repair Annex, and the new thorn in the side of beleaguered Dean Pelton.

8PM | FOX
The X Factor – The early auditions continue. What did you think of the new show and the return of Simon Cowell?

9PM | ABC – 8TH SEASON PREMIERE
Grey’s Anatomy – Meredith is bounced after messing with McDreamy’s clinical trial.

9PM | NBC – 8TH SEASON PREMIERE
The Office – New Sabre CEO Robert California (James Spader) starts his job, but we still don’t know who the new Scranton boss will be ….

9PM | CBS – SERIES PREMIERE
Person of Interest – Love the cast – Jim Caviezel and Lost‘s Michael Emerson – but the pilot of this drama, about a CIA agent who’s presumed dead (Caviezel) and the super wealthy software developer (Emerson) he teams with to try to prevent crimes before they happen, didn’t really grab me. But again, with that cast, and a good general premise (not to mention J.J. Abrams as producer), it’s worth checking out for a few episodes.

9PM | LIFETIME
Project Runway – The designers have to whip up rockin’ threads for the rock band the Sheepdogs, while American Idol alum Adam Lambert is the guest judge.

9:30PM | NBC – SERIES PREMIERE
Whitney – NBC’s Thursday-night comedy line-up has 30 Rock, Parks and Recreation, Community, The Office … and now Whitney. Which one of these things is not like the others? It’s the unfunny one, by which I mean Whitney. But if that promo in which Whitney’s (titular comedienne star Whitney Cummings) busted for eating a cupcake at a wedding entices you to watch anyway, come back and share your feelings with the group, by which I mean the comments, afterwards.

10PM | FX
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia – Dennis and Sweet Dee take the gang to the Jersey Shore, where they spent several happy summers. Now … not so happy for them.

10PM | CBS – 4TH SEASON PREMIERE
The Mentalist – Jane is in prison and has to prove the man he killed was Red John.

10PM | NBC – SERIES PREMIERE
Prime Suspect – My biggest issue with this remake of the British female homicide detective drama that originally starred Helen Mirren (and stars Mario Bello in this American remake) is that, after a night of comedy on NBC, do you really want to slide into murder at 10PM?

10:30PM | FX
Archer – The ISIS gang keeps trying to rescue Archer, who doesn’t want to be found, because he’s happily ensconced as the new pirate king on the island.

Worth flipping to during commercials:
– Tyler and his mama have an emotional meltdown on Vampire Diaries (8PM, The CW);
– After her trip to the police station after her accident, Snooki gets a visit from her boyfriend and ends up making a jackass of herself, a-gain, on Jersey Shore (10PM, MTV);
– The new documentary series Prison Diaries (10PM, TLC) revolves around female inmates who reflect on the crimes they committed and their lives in jail afterwards;
– It’s the series premiere of Sweet Genius (10PM, Food Network), a new dessert competition series in which pastry chefs compete to win $10,000 for their confections.

And the late-night line-up:
– Conan (11PM, TBS): Jonah Hill;
– The Daily Show with Jon Stewart (11PM, Comedy Central): Jennifer Granholm;
– The Colbert Report (11:30PM, Comedy Central): Tavis Smiley;
– The Late Show with David Letterman (11:35PM, CBS): Chris Cornell and Sofia Vergara;
– The Tonight Show with Jay Leno (11:35PM, NBC): Jamie Foxx;
– Jimmy Kimmel Live (12:05AM, ABC): Daryl Hall;
– Late Night with Jimmy Fallon (12:35AM, NBC): Julianna Margulies and Wyatt Cenac;
– The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (12:37AM, CBS): Chris Hardwick;
– Last Call with Carson Daly (1:35AM, NBC): Doug Elin.

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• Filed in Documentary, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Late Night, Music on TV, Project Runway, The Office, TV Picks
• Tags: Archer, Big Bang Theory season 5, Charlie's Angels premiere, Community season 3, Grey's Anatomy season premiere, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Parks and Recreation season 4, Person of Interest premiere, Prime Suspect premiere, Project Runway, The Mentalist season 4, The Office season 8, The X Factor, Whitney Cummings, Whitney premiere

(ALL TIMES ET)

10:30PM | MTV
Death Valley – The New York Times described this new action/zombie/cop comedy as Reno 911! with zombies, and while I think nothing will ever live up to Lt. Dangle and the gang, Valley is laugh-out-loud funny, with a fun cast that includes comedian and Fat Actress alum Bryan Callen, Lost‘s Tania Raymond, The Bold and the Beautiful‘s Texas Battle and underrated Popular alum Bryce Johnson.

8PM | VH1 – SERIES PREMIERE
Basketball Wives: LA – Kimsha Artest and sisters Laura and Gloria Govan are among the stars of this spin-off of the original Basketball Wives reality series. Will this batch of women prove to be as interesting as the Miami Wives? Eh …

9PM | TNT
The Closer – Brenda asks Raydor for help with a case, as the squad members are deposed in the lawsuit against Brenda.

9PM | COMEDY CENTRAL
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia – This week’s four-ep marathon includes “Paddy’s Pub: Home of the Original Kitten Mittens” (10:30PM), or kitten “mittons” as Charlie spells it, and “The Waitress Is Getting Married” (9PM), in which Charlie (Charlie Day), in his own weird, but still sweet, Charlie way, shows his love for The Waitress (Mary Elizabeth Ellis, the real-life Mrs. Charlie Day).

10PM | LOGO
The A-List: New York – Austin and Reichen become closer when everyone else washes their hands of Austin, but that creates new drama for Mr. Armacost, when Jake starts to feel left out.

10PM | SHOWTIME
Weeds – Nancy, Andy and Silas plot revenge against Emma (guest star Michelle Trachtenberg), while Doug deals with a financial situation that means he really needs to make his hedge fund work and Shane gets a little more involved with the law than he intended.

10:30PM | THE HUB
Happy Days – It’s the classic “Potsie Quits School” episode of Days, with Potsie’s “Pumps Your Blood” gem.

Worth flipping to during commercials:
– Place your Bachelor Pad (8PM, ABC) bets: Is it Jake or Kasey who leaves?;
– Carter and Allison wear memory-reading devices as a means of appealing the ruling on their relationship on Eureka (8PM, Syfy);
– New episodes of American Chopper: Senior vs. Junior (9PM, Discovery) kick off with the lawsuit between the Pauls getting settled;
– Fiona hopes Charlie will go to the prom with her on Degrassi (9PM, TeenNick);
– Pete and Claudia try to find Stukowski’s partner when Stukowski is interrogated by Warehouse agents on Warehouse 13 (9PM, Syfy);
– On Alphas (10PM, Syfy), Hicks and Nina hook up with a dangerous Alpha cult leader;
– CIA Confidential: 9/11 Mastermind (10PM, NGC) chronicles the CIA’s decade-long hunt for 9/11 planner Khalid Sheikh Mohammed;
– On Rizzoli & Isles (10PM, TNT), a man dies during what appears to be a mugging;
– Sean is annoyed by new neighbors and Adam goes to Poppy’s high school reunion on The Big C (10:30PM, Showtime).

And the late-night line-up:
– Conan (11PM, TBS): Reese Witherspoon and Joseph Gordon-Levitt (REPEAT);
– The Daily Show with Jon Stewart (11PM, Comedy Central): Ali Velshi (REPEAT);
– The Colbert Report (11:30PM, Comedy Central): The Cars (REPEAT);
– The Late Show with David Letterman (11:35PM, CBS): Jason Sudeikis;
– The Tonight Show with Jay Leno (11:35PM, NBC): David Koechner;
– Jimmy Kimmel Live (12:05AM, ABC): Aziz Ansari (REPEAT);
– Late Night with Jimmy Fallon (12:35AM, NBC): Robert Duvall;
– The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (12:37AM, CBS): William Shatner;
– Last Call with Carson Daly (1:35AM, NBC): Walt Goggins (REPEAT).

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• Tags: Basketball Wives LA, Death Valley MTV, Happy Days Pumps Your Blood, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Kitten Mittens, The A-List: New York, The Closer, Weeds

Season 7 kicks off on September 15 (10PM ET, FX), and in these cheeky new promos for It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, we see that star Rob McElhenney‘s intentional 50-pound weight gain is indeed one of the storylines.

The second clip, spoofing The Miracle Worker, revolves around Charlie Day‘s Charlie and Danny DeVito‘s Frank, whose on-screen chemistry is one of the best things about the show.

Season 7 promises to be another great addition to the Sunny history, as Charlie Day told me earlier this year that season 7 storylines will include a poke at Facebook, Frank’s reunion with his brother (the two became estranged after fighting about a woman) and a spoof of kiddie beauty pageants.

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• Filed in It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Preview, Ya Gotta See This!
• Tags: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia season 7 preview, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia season 7 video