All the tube news that’s fit to surf …

– “Jon Gosselin, American Hero”? Bleccch. If there was any lesson to be learned from last night’s Jon & Kate Plus 8 season premiere, it’s that both Gosselins are big ol’ messes and that neither of them is truly better off with the money, fame (infamy?) or freebies their reality show has brought them. But, for all the nasty behavior we see on-screen from the brittle Kate, let’s be honest: Mr. Gosselin doesn’t appear to be much of a prize, either. So, “American hero”?! Again, bleccch. That word is tossed around all too lightly, particularly given that we just celebrated Memorial Day.

– Remember when Friday night used to be one of the best TV-watching nights of the week, back when J.R. was getting shot by Kris-ten (as Sue Ellen called her sister) on Dallas and Don Johnson was rocking his white suits, pastel tees and mandals on Miami Vice? USA Today points out that, with 10 scripted series on the Friday night schedule next fall, it may no longer be one of the most skippable viewing nights.

– Meanwhile, The Hollywood Reporter is sizing up next fall’s biggest timeslot battles, including the Friday night, 9PM race, which pits Southland vs. Medium vs. Dollhouse vs. Ugly Betty, or, as THR writer James Hibberd calls it, “The Island of Broken Toys.” Funny. Though I’d argue that Southland shouldn’t be lumped in with the other, has-been, series.

– The New York Times says, if their TV show ratings are a reliable indicator, the Jonas Brothers may be headed the way of ‘N Sync, 98 Degrees and LFO.

– Twitter may become a TV show, though the specifics of how are still sketchy.

– We’ve got the Real Housewives of the O.C., Atlanta, New York City and New Jersey, and while there are already rumors of a Beverly Hills version in the works, Bravo is also reportedly looking to find the Real Housewives of D.C., too.

– And Clay Aiken‘s recent anti-Adam Lambert statements, followed by his sarcastic follow-up/pseudo-backtracking make one thing clear: He’s kinda a big tool.

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• Filed in American Idol, Comedy, Drama, Reality, TV News
• Tags: 'N Sync, 98 Degrees, Adam Lambert, American Idol, Clay Aiken, D.C., Dallas, Dollhouse, Fall schedule, Fall TV schedule, Friday night, Jon & Kate Plus 8, Jon Gosselin, Jonas, Jonas Bros., Jonas Brothers, kate Gosselin, LFO, Medium, Miami Vice, Real Housewives, Real Housewives of Washington, Reality, Southland, The Gosselins, timeslot battle, Twitter, Twitter TV, Ugly Betty

Here’s the official line-up from CBS, followed by the network’s description of its new series:

CBS PRIMETIME SCHEDULE: FALL 2009
(All Times ET/PT)

MONDAY
8PM – How I Met Your Mother
8:30PM – Accidentally on Purpose
9PM – Two and a Half Men
9:30PM – The Big Bang Theory
10PM – CSI: Miami

TUESDAY
8PM – NCIS
9PM – NCIS: Los Angeles
10PM – The Good Wife

WEDNESDAY
8PM – The New Adventures of Old Christine
8:30PM – Gary Unmarried
9PM – Criminal Minds
10PM – CSI: NY

THURSDAY
8PM – Survivor
9PM – CSI
10PM – The Mentalist

FRIDAY
8PM – Ghost Whisperer
9PM – Medium
10PM – Numb3rs

SATURDAY
8PM – Crimetime Saturday (drama encore)
9PM – Crimetime Saturday (drama encore)
10PM – 48 Hours Investigates

SUNDAY
7PM – 60 Minutes
8PM – The Amazing Race
9PM – Three Rivers
10PM – Cold Case

…Read more

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• Filed in Comedy, Drama, Reality, TV News
• Tags: Accidentally on Purpose, Alex O'Loughlin, Arranged Marriage, Big Bang Theory, Chris Noth, Chris O'Donnell, Christine Baranski, Grant Show, How I Met Your Mother, Jenna Elfman, Julianna Margulies, Katherine Moennig, LL Cool J, Medium, Miami Trauma, NCIS, NCIS: Los Angeles, The Bridge, The Good Wife, Three Rivers, Undercover Boss

All the tube news that’s fit to surf …

– Did Izzie and George really die in the Grey’s Anatomy season finale? Meh. I find it more interesting that series creator Shonda Rhimes is living in denial about how ridiculous much of the show has become, including this season’s “ghost sex.”

– Time magazine TV critic James Poniewozik makes an excellent point about how the best comedy on TV is not necessarily always the funniest comedy on TV, using last night’s Alan Alda gem on 30 Rock as a jumping off point. Alda’s quip that referred to the classic M*A*S*H series finale is, hands down, the best, most clever quote of the whole TV season.

– Saturday Night Live airs its 34th season finale – with host Will Ferrell and musical guest Green Day – this weekend, while Fox sketch comedy counterpart MadTV airs its series finale.

– More from SNL: Sunday night’s SNL: Just Shorts special (9PM ET, NBC), a round-up of the show’s most memorable short films, including, of course, “Dick in a Box,” and one of my early favorites, the classic synchronized swimming clip with Martin Short and Harry Shearer.

– And another series finale: tonight’s Prison Break send-off (8PM ET, Fox).

– It makes me love Jonah Hill even more that he riffed on gruesome twosome Heidi and Spencer in a new Harper’s Bazaar interview and photo spread.

– “I want to go to there” is not the only 30 Rock catchphrase that originated with Tina Fey‘s daughter Alice, apparently.

– Thanks, Neal McDonough, for spoiling the Desperate Housewives season finale. Oh, okay, the fate of his Dave character wasn’t really a surprise, though he did also confirm in his appearance on The View Thursday that the rumor of a DH spin-off with Mrs. McCluskey (Kathryn Joosten) is true.

– Farrah Fawcett‘s documentary on her battle with cancer, Farrah’s Story, is set to air tonight on NBC (9PM ET), but as the Charlie’s Angels star is reportedly on her deathbed, a producer and her on-again, off-again love Ryan O’Neal are fighting over the video.

– USA Today has a good rundown of where the networks stand as they head into Upfront Week next week. Among the shows likely to be on the air next season: The Melrose Place remake, an NCIS spin-off and the return of Scrubs, while the fates of My Name Is Earl, Chuck, Medium, The Unit, Cold Case and Without a Trace are still up in the air.

– And somehow, I doubt Jon Stewart is really worried about Jim Cramer, through Cramer seems to suggest in a new Time magazine interview that he should be.

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• Filed in 30 Rock, Celebreality, Comedy, Drama, TV News
• Tags: 30 Rock, Alan Alda, Chuck, Cold Case, Desperate Housewives, Farrah Fawcett, Green Day, Grey's Anatomy, Harry Shearer, Heidi, James Poniewozik, Jim Cramer, Jon Stewart, Jonah Hill, Kathryn Joosten, M*A*S*H, MadTV, Martin Short, Medium, Melrose Place, My Name Is Earl, NCIS, Neal McDonough, Prison Break, Ryan O'Neal, Saturday Night Live, season finale, series finale, Shonda Rhimes, SNL, Spencer, spin-off, The Unit, Tina Fey, Will Ferrell, Without a Trace