All the tube news that’s fit to surf …

– The New York Post claims Simon Cowell has been offered around $144 million per season – more than triple his current salary – to return as an American Idol judge. Is he worth it? Is anyone worth that much money for any job? Still, I don’t think I could sit through the show every week if it were Simon-less.

– Discovery Channel will go ahead with its plans for a Pitchmen marathon on July 1 (beginning at 11AM ET), leading up to the show’s season finale at 10PM. The show, of course, stars the late Billy Mays and shines the light on how his $1 billion business, with partner and fellow pitchman Anthony Sullivan, works.

– Mays, by the way, apparently suffered a heart attack and died in his sleep.

– Law & Order: Special Victims Unit stars Mariska Hargitay and Chris Meloni, who had been in reportedly contentious salary negotiations, have both signed on to return to the NBC drama next season. Christine Lahti is also joining the show as an ADA for four episodes.

– Former Saturday Night Live star Chris Kattan has signed on to be a regular on the new ABC comedy The Middle, which stars Patricia Heaton and Scrubs‘ Neil Flynn.

– CBS will premiere its reality series There Goes the Neighborhood on Aug. 9. American Idol alum Matt Rogers will host the show, which finds eight families stuck behind a 20-foot wall in their ‘hood, without electronic communication or entertainment (No TV! No videogames! No Internet!). The fams have to work together and compete against the other fams to win the $250,000 grand prize.

– Among VH1’s upcoming series: Reality shows starring Chili from TLC, Pepa from Salt n’ Pepa and Frank “The Entertainer” Moresco, the I Love New York and I Love Money alum who currently lives with his parents. The Entertainer will find Moresco looking for love. Line up, ladies … it’s not every day you get the chance to hook up with a 32-year-old who lives in Mom and Dad’s basement. I hope it isn’t, anyway.

– It’s official: the sixth, and final, season of Lost will include 18 hours of island drama.

And tonight in primetime:
– Fox is showing Legally Blonde (8PM ET), one of my all-time fave chick flicks
– Stars Reflect on the Man in the Mirror (8PM, TV Guide Channel), features celebs talking about Michael Jackson‘s impact on music and pop culture
– Catch Farrah Fawcett‘s chilling, Emmy-nominated performance in the 1984 TV flick The Burning Bed on Encore Drama (9:35PM)
– There’s more bratty teen drama on Bravo’s “real-life Gossip Girl” docudrama NYC Prep (9PM)
– Sean gets a surprise visitor in the hospital on Rescue Me (10PM, FX)
– More early auditions on America’s Got Talent (9PM, NBC)
– Linda has to move into Ted’s office after some toxic substance runs amuck on Better Off Ted (9:30PM, ABC)
– The BET Awards repeat (6:30PM, BET) in case you missed all the Michael Jackson tributes
– William’s father/son bonding weekend is interrupted when a pair of alcoholics need William’s help on The Cleaner (10PM, A&E)
– One smokin’ dude gets a cigar lounge on a new ep of Man Caves (9PM, DIY)
– And Dr. Mike tests leech therapy in India on Bite Me with Dr. Mike (10PM, Travel Channel)

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• Filed in Celebreality, Lost, Reality, TV News
• Tags: American Idol, Billy Mays, Chris Kattan, Chris Meloni, Christine Lahti, Farrah Fawcett, Frank "The Entertainer" Moresco, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, Lost, Mariska Hargitay, Matt Rogers, Neil Flynn, Patricia Heaton, Pitchmen, Saturday Night Live, Simon Cowell, The Middle Chris Kattan, There Goes the Neighborhood

Here’s the official line-up from ABC, followed by the network’s description of its new series:

ABC PRIMETIME SCHEDULE: FALL 2009
(All Times ET)

MONDAY
8PM – Dancing With the Stars
10PM – Castle

TUESDAY
8PM – Shark Tank
9PM – Dancing With the Stars results show
10PM – The Forgotten

WEDNESDAY
8PM – Hank
8:30PM – The Middle
9PM – Modern Family
9:30PM – Cougar Town
10PM – Eastwick

THURSDAY
8PM – Flash Forward
9PM – Grey’s Anatomy
10PM – Private Practice

FRIDAY
8PM – Supernanny
9PM – Ugly Betty
10PM – 20/20

SATURDAY
8PM – Saturday Night College Football

SUNDAY
7PM – America’s Funniest Home Videos
8PM – Extreme Makeover: Home Edition
9PM – Desperate Housewives
10PM – Brothers & Sisters

…Read more

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• Filed in Comedy, Drama, TV News
• Tags: ABC, Cougar Town, Courteney Cox, Eastwick, Ed O'Neill, Elizabeth Mitchell, Flash Forward, Hank, Happy Town, Jerry Bruckheimer, Julie Bowen, Kelsey Grammer, Mark Burnett, Modern Family, Neil Flynn, New fall schedule, New fall season, Patricia Heaton, Rebecca Romijn, Shark Tank, The Deep End, The Forgotten, The Middle, Upfront, V

A rundown of what is/isn’t/might be popping up on the 2009-10 primetime schedule at ABC during this week’s Upfront presentation …

ABC (Upfront presentation: Tuesday, May 19)
Returning series: America’s Funniest Home Videos, The Bachelor, Better Off Ted, Brothers & Sisters, Castle, Dancing with the Stars, Desperate Housewives, Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, Grey’s Anatomy, Lost, Private Practice, Scrubs, Supernanny, True Beauty, Ugly Betty, Wife Swap
On the bubble series: Surviving Suburbia
New series:

– Cougar Town (Comedy)
Plot: The dating adventures of a newly-single mom and her teen son
It stars: Courteney Cox, Busy Philipps, Brian Van Holt, Christa Miller, Josh Hopkins and Ian Gomez, created by Scrubs creator Bill Lawrence
It’s like: Janice Dickinson‘s life

– The Deep End (Dramedy)
Plot: Newbie attorneys at a prestigious law firm
It stars: Billy Zane and Tina Majorino
It’s like: Scrubs or Grey’s Anatomy in a law firm

– Eastwick (Drama)
Plot: Three witches come into their powers when a mysterious fellow arrives in town
It stars: Rebecca Romijn, Lindsay Price, Matt Dallas and Sara Rue
It’s like: The John Updike novel and big-screen movie The Witches of Eastwick, on which it’s based

– Flash Forward (Drama)
Plot: Sci-fi-ish story about what happens when the world blacks out for two minutes and everyone has visions of the future
It stars: Joseph Fiennes, Sonya Walger, John Cho and Courtney Vance
It’s like: Every show that has employed the unfortunately ubiquitous time travel gimmick on TV recently (i.e. the network hopes it’ll catch on just as Lost unrolls its final season)

…Read more

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• Filed in Comedy, Drama, Lost, TV News
• Tags: ABC, Alyssa Milano, Better Off Ted, Billy Zane, Castle, Cedric the Entertainer, Cougar Town, Courteney Cox, Eastwick, Ed O'Neill, Elizabeth Mitchell, Empire State, Fall TV season, Flash Forward, Geoff Stults, Hank, Happy Town, Inside the Box, Kelsey Grammer, Kim Raver, Lost, Matt Dallas, Modern Family, Morris Chestnut, Patricia Heaton, Rebecca Romijn, Reiko Aylesworth, Romantically Challenged, Scott Wolf, Scrubs, Shonda Rhimes, The Deep End, The Forgotten, The Law, The Middle, Twin Peaks, Upfront, V