All the tube news that’s fit to surf …

– Guiding Light is a lame duck, and now a CBS honcho says As the World Turns may be next on the network’s daytime hit list.

– Gotta love that Joan Rivers, whose new show How’d You Get So Rich?, premieres on TV Land tomorrow, still doesn’t censor herself. And I agree with her; Chelsea Handler is not funny.

– Who’s the Boss and Charmed star Alyssa Milano is headed back to TV in the ABC midseason series Romantically Challenged. The comedy stars Milano as a woman who has to compete with her boyfriend’s best friend for his attention.

– Turns out Screech, a.k.a. Dustin Diamond, didn’t decide to bail on People magazine’s Saved by the Bell cover shoot; he was banned.

– One of the many signs that the reality TV genre needs some freshening up: E!’s latest reality show is a fake reality show called Reality Hell.

– Another sign: No one is watching The T.O. Show on VH1. Okay, correction: The number of people watching The T.O. Show is roughly the same number of people watching a 5AM airing of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air on Nick at Nite.

– Emmy Awards producer Don Mischer ‘fessed up that the annual TV award show is in danger of becoming irrelevant, as viewers are turned off by the fact that the shows most of them watch aren’t generally represented among Emmy winners. Good thing they have fan fave Neil Patrick Harris hosting this year.

– Bethenny Frankel confirms she’s returning for the next season of Real Housewives of New York City. Meanwhile, the Real Housewives franchise’s Atlanta season two premiere was the highest-rated in the show’s history.

– Sugar Ray lead singer Mark McGrath says Real Housewives of Orange County star Vicki Gunvalson inspired him to write a song called “She’s Got the (Woo-Hoo!).”.

– And tonight in primetime:

– Tom Green and J. Peterman (John O’Hurley) are dinner guests on Hell’s Kitchen (8PM ET, Fox)
– Kat joins shop class on 10 Things I Hate About You (8PM, ABC Family)
– A green record label is among the topics discussed on the third season premiere of Big Ideas for a Small Planet (8PM, Sundance)
– It’s the season finale of The Superstars on ABC (8PM)
– Ruby has car problems on Ruby and the Rockits (8:30PM, ABC Family)
– The Power of Veto competition unfolds on Big Brother (9PM, CBS)
– Luke takes one of his bachelorettes to Vegas on More to Love (9PM, Fox)
– Chuck sister Sarah Lancaster guest stars on Hawthorne (9PM, TNT)
– Former NBA-er Brandon Williams gets a garage makeover on Man Caves (9PM, DIY Network)
– Shark Week continues on the Discovery Channel with Sharkbite Summer (9PM)
– Stargate: Atlantis‘ Joe Flanigan guests on Warehouse 13 (9PM, SyFy)
– Jessie and PC have (another) fight on NYC Prep (9PM, Bravo)
– Paris chooses her new sidekick on the season finale of Paris Hilton’s My BFF (10PM, MTV)
– New Saving Grace on TNT (10PM)
– William tries to help a surgeon who insists he performs better under the influence on The Cleaner (10PM, A&E)
– Work comes between Maria and Ariel on Miami Social (10PM, Bravo)
– Maura Tierney begins a guest stint as Tommy’s new fling on Rescue Me (10PM, FX)
– Tori & Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood ends season four (10PM, Oxygen) with Stella’s birthday party and the hope that Granny Spelling will show up
– Oxygen also has the just-after-primetime premiere of Addicted to Beauty (11PM), which follows the shenanigans of an L.A. spa

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• Filed in Reality, TV News
• Tags: Alyssa Milano, As the World Turns cancellation, Bethenny Frankel, Dustin Diamond, E! Reality Hell, Emmys, Guiding Light, How'd You Get So Rich?, Joan Rivers, Neil Patrick Harris Emmys, Real Housewives of New York City, Saved by the Bell reunion, The T.O. Show, Vicki Gunvalson

Jimmy Fallon must be celebrating today … his efforts to reunite the cast of Saved by the Bell on his show have led to a sorta-reunion for a cover story in this week’s issue of People magazine.

Why “sorta”? ‘Cuz Screech, a.k.a. Bell star Dustin Diamond declined to participate in the festivities, and is MIA from both the cover shot and the story inside. The People feature reportedly finds the cast members talking about the behind-the-scenes action on their 1989-93 NBC Saturday morning show, but I think it’s a safe bet that their stroll down memory lane will be tame in comparison to the tell-all Diamond is finally going to release.

Diamond’s Behind the Bell has just found a home with a new publisher (after he and his initial publisher “mutually” parted ways), and will hit stores on Sept. 29. The Transit autobio will supposedly feature lots of salacious tales about Diamond and his Bell castmates, including some secrets-spilling that will most likely have his former co-stars itching to stuff him in a Bayside High locker.

According to a publishing newsletter, the Screech book will include details on “sexual escapades among cast members, drug use, and hardcore partying.”

Wow. That sounds even more scandalous than the Bell episode where Jessie gets strung out on caffeine pills!

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• Filed in Comedy, TV News
• Tags: Dustin Diamond Behind the Bell, Dustin Diamond tell-all book, Jimmy Fallon Saved by the Bell, Saved by the Bell People magazine, Saved by the Bell reunion, Screech

All the tube news that’s fit to surf …

– Weeds premieres its fifth season tonight (10PM ET, Showtime). Check out my interview with Emmy nominee Elizabeth Perkins (also a star of one of my all-time fave movies, About Last Night) at AOL TV.

– Here’s hoping Jimmy Fallon really can pull off a Saved by the Bell reunion tonight. And PS – So happy Zach Morris clipped the ‘do.

– Is Charlie (Dominic Monaghan) alive on Lost? Okay, so then why’s he playing foosball in that new ABC promo? EW.com’s Michael Ausiello has the surprising answer. PS – IGN TV thinks the secret show is Flash Forward.

– More from Ausiello: There may be a Cagney & Lacey reunion on Burn Notice next year.

– Think you’ve got advertising skills? Put ’em to use pimping – ha – HBO’s new series Hung, about a middle-aged guy (Thomas Jane) who becomes a gigolo, and you might win $10,000.

– Cougars are all the rage on network TV, especially now that Erica Kane‘s become one.

– Go and Prison Break star William Fichtner will guest star on the upcoming sixth season of Entourage, which premieres on HBO on July 12.

– Kathy Bates, Tim Curry and Colm Meaney will star in Sci Fi’s Alice in Wonderland miniseries.

– Uncle Jesse – the Full House one, not the Dukes of Hazzard one – is itching to make a big-screen version of his cheesy, but endearing sitcom, sans Olsen twins and with, oddly, James Franco taking over his role.

– Once and Again and My So-Called Life producer Marshall Herskovitz has a plan to radically change up the way TV pilots are sold. He ain’t tellin’ what it is, though.

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• Filed in Boob Tube to Big Screen, TV News
• Tags: About Last Night, Alice in Wonderland, Burn Notice, Cagney & Lacey, Cagney & Lacey reunion, Colm Meaney, Cougars, Dominic Monaghan, Dukes of Hazzard, Elizabeth Perkins, Entourage, Erica Kane, Flash Forward, Full House, HBO, Hung, James Franco, Jimmy Fallon, John Stamos, Kathy Bates, Lost, Mark-Paul Gosselaar, Marshall Herskovitz, miniseries, My So-Called Life, Olsen twins, Once and Again, Prison Break, Saved by the Bell, Saved by the Bell reunion, Sci Fi, Thomas Jane, Tim Curry, Uncle Jesse, Weeds, William Fichtner, Zach Morris