(ALL TIMES ET)

8PM | DISNEY CHANNEL – MOVIE PREMIERE
Phineas and Ferb: Across the 2nd Dimension – The Blues Brothers, the Lone Ranger and Tonto and Laverne & Shirley factor into Dr. Doofenshmirtz’s musical delight at finding his new best friend – himself – in the premiere of this new made-for-TV movie Phineas and Ferb adventure.

8 and 8:30PM | NBC – SERIES PREMIERE
Friends With Benefits – This story has played out a couple of times already this year on the big screen, and the fact that this sitcom version of the friends-with-benefits storyline is debuting during the first week of August (and on a Friday night) … well, read into that what you should. The basic details: BFFs Ben (Party Down‘s Ryan Hansen … oh, Party Down) and Sara (One Tree Hill‘s Danneel Ackles) worry that their new BFFs-with-bennies relationship won’t work, especially when he asks her to be his date to a wedding.

8-10PM | VH1
Scrubs – Some of the programming choices on VH1 are just plain puzzling, but on a Friday night that’s pretty light on must-see options, I’m not gonna complain about this mini-marathon of Scrubs, which includes the Scott Foley eps, as well as season three’s hilarious “My White Whale” (9PM), in which Christopher Meloni plays kooky pediatrician Dr. Dave Norris, one of the few people who ever managed to best Perry Cox (the outrageously overlooked, Emmy-worthy John C. McGinley).

10PM | SYFY
Haven – Jason Priestley (Brandon Walsh forever!) begins a recurring stint on the show, playing Chris Weekly, a marine biologist who’d rather be left alone, but who is “cursed” with an affliction that makes everyone want to be his friend. Just like Brandon Walsh. Meanwhile, Priestley will be doing double duty in Haven, as he’ll direct an episode, too.

10PM | STARZ
Torchwood: Miracle Day – Cap’n Jack and the gang find out what’s really up with the Miracle while undercover.

11PM | IFC – SERIES PREMIERE
Whisker Wars – Thom Beers, the reality producer who’s given us Deadliest Catch, Ice Road Truckers and Storage Wars, is behind this seven-episode series, which follows a group of “whisker warriors” (i.e. dudes with beards) who travel the country competing in facial fur competitions. PS – Don’t miss the chance to vote in the IFC.com Whisker Hall of Fame.

Worth flipping to during commercials:
– Hard Rock Calling 2011 (9PM, VH1 Classic) features Bon Jovi, Train, Rod Stewart, the Killers, Stevie Nicks and Ray Davies performing at Hyde Park in London;
– On Say Yes to the Dress: Atlanta (9PM, TLC), a bride has already tried on 150 wedding gowns and still can’t find one to her liking … picky much?;
– Extraordinary Acts of Courage (10PM, OWN);
– Spicy hot cocoa and a spicy pulled pork sandwich are on the menu when Aaron and Roger visit Santa Fe on Heat Seekers (10PM, Food Network);
– Anthony Bourdain is the interview guest on Real Time With Bill Maher (10PM, HBO);
– Joel McHale and the gang serve up a delicious, pop culture-y bowl of The Soup (10PM, E!);
– Alton Brown and Robert Irvine are among the foodies who recall the best egg dishes they’ve ever eaten on The Best Thing I Ever Ate (10:30PM, Food Network).

And the late-night line-up:
– The Late Show with David Letterman (11:35PM, CBS): Tom Hanks (REPEAT);
– The Tonight Show with Jay Leno (11:35PM, NBC): Dennis Miller;
– Jimmy Kimmel Live (12:05AM, ABC): Harrison Ford and Lady Gaga (REPEAT);
– Late Night with Jimmy Fallon (12:35AM, NBC): Horatio Sanz;
– The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (12:37AM, CBS): Craig performs at the Moulin Rouge;
– Last Call with Carson Daly (1:35AM, NBC): Todd Phillips.

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• Filed in Cartoons, Late Night, TV Picks
• Tags: Haven, Phineas and Ferb: Across the 2nd Dimension, Scrubs, Torchwood: Miracle Day, Whisker Wars

Shout out to The Hollywood Reporter for pointing us to this CBS promo (how very edgy for the network!) for How I Met Your Mother and the Frosty the Snowman holiday specials. The clip is a combo of HIMYM‘s Barney (Neil Patrick Harris), putting his bro code ways (and dialogue) into the Frosty cartoon:

The clip reminds me of another great holiday ‘toon spoof: The Scrubs take on A Charlie Brown Christmas. Of all the Charlie Brown types in primetime, J.D. (Zach Braff) is the Charlie Browniest, and Dr. Cox’s (John C. McGinley) spin on Linus’ meaning of Christmas speech/rant is perfection:

Any other holiday cartoon spoofs floating around the Web?

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• Filed in Comedy, Holiday Programming
• Tags: Charlie Brown Christmas, Charlie Brown Christmas spoof, Frosty the Snowman, Frosty the Snowman spoof, Neil Patrick Harris, NPH, Scrubs, Scrubs Charlie Brown Christmas

The rumors of his death have been greatly exaggerated, forcing Scrubs star Zach Braff to take to YouTube.com to prove to everyone that he is still alive and kicking … as in verbally kicking the blogger (or “douchebag,” as Braff refers to him) who started the quickly-spread rumor that Braff had died of a drug overdose.

The death denial/alive confirmation is worth a look, not just for Braff’s explanation of how he doesn’t have Oprah money, but also for his Scrubs co-star and pal Donald Faison‘s “urban” rendition of Wind Beneath My Wings.

By the way, turns out there is an explanation for the death hoax. Maybe not a good one, but turns out that the guy whose Website originated the rumor is actually a huge Braff fan. Feeling’s probably never gonna be mutual though …

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• Filed in TV News, Ya Gotta See This!
• Tags: Donald Faison, Scrubs, Zach Braff not dead

All the tube news that’s fit to surf …

– Despite all the major changes ahead for Scrubs, Neil Flynn – The Janitor – says he may return to help wrap up his character’s story. The awesomely talented Flynn will be a regular presence on ABC this fall anyway, co-starring with Patricia Heaton in the new comedy The Middle.

– ABC Entertainment President Steve McPherson confirmed he’s talking to Paula Abdul about a gig on Dancing With the Stars, as a contestant or some sort of judge role, but with all these offers the former American Idol judge claims she’s receiving, I’m betting none of them come even close to netting her the kind of money she rejected as too little to return to AI.

– On the other hand, the AI team apparently found out how tough it is to replace Paula, as newbie guest judge Victoria Beckham reportedly came off as “icy and wooden” during her debut.

– The View co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck gave birth to her third child, son Isaiah Timothy, on Sunday.

– Sons of Anarchy creator Kurt Sutter (who’s also married to series star Katey Sagal) says he has seven seasons planned for the FX series, so here’s hoping the network allows him to make all of ’em. Season two guest star Henry Rollins also told critics at the Television Critics Association gathering in L.A. on Friday that his white separatist character is one bad dude, and after watching a preview of the season premiere last week, I will say that that is a major understatement.

– Lost star Elizabeth Mitchell, who also stars in ABC’s upcoming remake of V, confirmed that she will be a part of Lost‘s final season, but wouldn’t say whether or not her Juliet survives that season five finale bomb.

– The summer finale of Burn Notice last Thursday earned 7.6 million viewers, the highest ever for a series on USA Network.

– Comedian Louis C.K. is not only starring in his own autobiographical sitcom on FX, but is guest-starring as a love interest for Amy Poehler‘s character on the new season of Parks & Recreation.

– After their surprise pregnancy in the season finale, Jim and Pam won’t be waiting long to get married on the new season of The Office … in fact, the nuptials are happening in the fourth episode of season six, scheduled to air in October.

– Movieweb.com has an interview with James Michael Tyler, a.k.a. Central Perk’s Gunther from Friends, to celebrate the 15th anniversary of the sitcom’s debut. Loooove Gunther.

– The CW is at it again. Following last fall’s OMFG campaign for Gossip Girl, season three’s promos include a WTF! tagline, which the network explains stands for “Watch This Fall.”

– And tonight in primetime:

– VH1’s Lords of the Revolution miniseries premieres (8PM ET), profiling iconic personalities from the 1960s and ’70s, including Muhammad Ali in tonight’s installment
– The Jonas Brothers host the Teen Choice Awards on Fox (8PM)
– For her own selfish reasons, Adrian tries to plot a George and Anne reunion on The Secret Life of an American Teenager (8PM, ABC Family)
– The fams visit Vegas and the Hoover Dam on Great American Road Trip (8PM, NBC)
– More Who Wants to Be a Millionaire with Reeg on ABC (8PM)
– Kyra Sedgwick‘s daughter Sosie (with papa Kevin Bacon, of course) guest stars on The Closer (9PM, TNT)
– New ep of Make It or Break It on ABC Family (9PM)
– HBO’s doc of the week: the Nine Lives of Marion Barry (9PM), about the controversial former Washington, D.C. mayor (and current city councilman)
– More potential blind date hook-ups on Dating in the Dark (9PM, ABC)
– New Real Chance of Love 2 on VH1 (9PM)
– Jon & Kate Plus 8 continue to creep us out (9PM, TLC)
– Heroin addiction is the top on tonight’s Intervention (9PM, A&E)
– Kathy, last night’s Joan Rivers roaster, wraps up a 5th season on Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List (10PM, Bravo)
– Terrell tapes a bit for Comedy Central on The T.O. Show (10PM, VH1)
– The contestants have to perform ’80s tunes on Making His Band (10PM, MTV)
– Buddy‘s baking up a Leaning Tower of Pisa cake on Cake Boss (10PM, TLC)
– New Raising the Bar on TNT at 10PM
– Guy goes to a Houston grocery store that serves tasty burgers on Diner, Drive-Ins and Dives (10PM, Food Network)
– Tony‘s sampling San Francisco’s best eats on Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations (10PM, Travel Channel)
– Dean and Doug plot against Celia on Weeds (10PM, Showtime)
– A&E has the first season finale of Obsessed (10PM)
– History Channel’s Clash of the Gods focuses on Hercules (10PM)
– And Coop and her wedding ring are causing problems for Nurse Jackie (10:30PM, Showtime)

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• Filed in TV News
• Tags: Elisabeth Hasselbeck baby, Elizabeth Mitchell Lost, Gossip Girl WTF, Henry Rollins Sons of Anarchy, Jim and Pam wedding, Louis C.K. FX, Neil Flynn, Paula Abdul Dancing With the Stars, Scrubs, Sons of Anarchy season 2, Victoria Beckham American Idol

All the tube news that’s fit to surf …

– I was skeptical about Scrubs returning next season with most of the cast MIA, but the show’s radical makeover, which will shift much of the action from the hospital to the classroom as Dr. Cox (John C. McGinley) and Turk (Donald Faison) become medical school professors, will finally give the oh-so-Emmy-worthy McGinley a chance to get the leading man props he deserves.

– All these guessing games, but really, what else could the big Jon & Kate Plus 8 announcement be on tonight’s episode (9PM ET, TLC)? It’s gotta be a separation/divorce confirmation of some sort, doncha think?

– Here’s a story I hope is just conjecture: Legendary TV news man Walter Cronkite is reportedly “terribly ill.”

– Dancing with the Stars pro Julianne Hough will star opposite People mag’s Hottest Bachelor, Gossip Girl star Chace Crawford, in the upcoming Footloose remake, though rumor has it that producers are hoping she’ll improve her acting skills before filming begins.

– In addition to the cast of Seinfeld, Meg Ryan will also guest star on the new season of Curb Your Enthusiasm.

– Ryan Seacrest confirms via Twitter that he is talking to Lindsay Lohan about starring in a reality show he would produce. Seems like her best option for making some cash these days, as her personal life and professional reputation seems to continue on the downward spiral.

– Simon Cowell has ‘fessed up to making some mistakes as a judge and producer in a lengthy mea culpa published in the British newspaper The Mail on Sunday.

– The West Wing‘s Bradley Whitford and Malcolm in the Middle and Raising the Bar‘s Jane Kaczmarek: one of the most surprising celeb divorces in a long time.

– And free wireless Internet access in New York City is just one of Sci Fi’s promos for its campaign to rebrand itself as the Syfy network.

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• Filed in TV News
• Tags: Bradley Whitford, Chace Crawford, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Donald Faison, Footloose, Jane Kaczmarek, John C. McGinley, Jon & Kate Plus 8 divorce, Julianne Hough, Lindsay Lohan reality show, Meg Ryan, Ryan Seacrest, Scrubs, Simon Cowell, Syfy, Walter Cronkite