All the tube news that’s fit to surf …

– Can’t. Wait. For the July 21 season premiere of Hell’s Kitchen, when one of the contestants finally stands up to Gordon Ramsay‘s verbal abuse by inviting him to step outside. Sometimes Ramsay is funny, and sometimes he’s just a tool, so I doubt I’ll be the only one cheering when the reality TV bully gets some feedback from a contestant, who happens to also be a non-active Marine.

– TNT is launching cool new role playing games for its new Dylan McDermott undercover cop drama Dark Blue and the return of its Timothy Hutton con drama Leverage. The games will officially kick off on July 15, the shows’ premiere date.

– The already rich and ubiquitous Ryan Seacrest is about to become even richer and ubiquitous-er (simmer down, I know it’s not a word): The American Idol and E! host is finalizing a new contract that will reportedly make him among the highest-paid reality hosts on TV. Sounds right to me … who deserves it more than the hard-working Seacrest, who really does make his many hosting gigs, from TV to radio, look effortless?

– Napoleon Dynamite star Jon Heder has signed on to star in a new Comedy Central series that will be produced and written by FunnyorDie.com‘s Will Ferrell, Adam McKay and Chris Henchy. The series, which will find Heder playing an unemployed tech guy who moves back in with his ‘rents, is said to cost $50 million, as the initial 10-episode order could lead the network to pick up 90 episodes, a la TBS’ House of Payne and Meet the Browns deals with Tyler Perry.

– Think a teenage version of Hung and that’s MTV’s upcoming comedy Hard Times, about a 15-year-old boy who becomes infamous when his classmates see that he’s really a Big Man on Campus (emphasis on the “Big”).

– SyFy’s dramedy Warehouse 13, which has been described as “Indiana Jones-meets-Moonlighting-meets-The X-Files,” drew the third highest premiere ratings in the network’s history. Check out my interview with charming series star Eddie McClintock at AOL TV.

– Since the movie biz seems to have little use for her these days, Lindsay Lohan has set up a production company to pitch TV shows, including what is being called “Entourage for the fashion world.”

– Speaking of fashion, whether you knew it or not, this is what your wardrobe has been missing: Selections from the Gene Simmons Moneybag line.

– Wanna know how to have the kind of body that will land you a, ahem, swell guy like Spencer Pratt? It’s all in The Heidi Workout.

– And this weekend in primetime:

FRIDAY
– On a new Degrassi: The Next Generation (8PM ET, The N), K.C.’s past comes to light, and Emma yet again does something stupid to change her image
– The N’s new Hollywood wannabe dramedy The Assistants premieres at 8:30PM
– New Eureka episodes return to SyFy at 9PM
– An Anthrax scare quarantines the ship on Whale Wars (9PM, Animal Planet)
– See how wood sculptures and fountain pens are made on How It’s Made (9PM, Science Channel)

SATURDAY
– David faces treason charges on Kings (8PM, NBC)
– Series finales for Harper’s Island (9PM, CBS) and Eli Stone (10PM, ABC)

SUNDAY
– The first eviction nominees are revealed on Big Brother (8PM, CBS)
– Ruby continues to pursue her weight loss goals on the Style Network (8PM)
– Lifetime’s new comedy Drop Dead Diva premieres at 9PM
– Daisy dumps another dude on Daisy of Love (9PM, VH1)
– A poet may be involved in a murder on Law & Order: Criminal Intent (9PM, USA)
– Lisa has a reunion with her hubby on Ice Road Truckers (9PM, History Channel)
– Sophie’s boyfriend is cheating on her on Gene Simmons Family Jewels (9PM, A&E)
– On The Next Food Network Star (9PM, Food Network), the contestants have to make a dish with only what they can find in an airline terminal
– Bill, Sookie and Jessica fly to Texas to find a vampire on True Blood (9PM, HBO)
– Hammer and fam travel to Vegas for his mom’s 70th birthday on Hammertime (10PM
– Raphael’s ma starts planning an engagement soiree – sans Mary’s help – on In Plain Sight (10PM, USA)
– Tanya arranges for Ray’s first tryout as a “happiness consultant” on Hung (HBO, 10PM)
– On Jesse James Is a Dead Man (10PM, Spike), Jesse fulfills fans’ requests, including trying to catch a rattlesnake with his bare hands
–  The sixth season of Entourage premieres on HBO at 10:30PM

• 2 Comments
• Filed in TV News
• Tags: Dark Blue role play game, Eddie McClintock, Gene Simmons Moneybag, Gordon Ramsay, Hard Times MTV, Heidi Pratt, Hell's Kitchen season 6 fight, Jon Heder Comedy Central, Leverage role play game, Lindsay Lohan TV, Ryan Seacrest contract, Spencer Pratt, Warehouse 13

All the tube news that’s fit to surf …

– The fact that Neil Patrick Harris is hosting this year’s Tony Awards (Sunday, CBS, 8PM ET) makes it the first Tonys show I’ve had any interest in watching, and the “Top 10 Signs You’ve Hired a Bad Tony Awards Host” list that NPH delivered on Late Show with David Letterman last night made me that much more excited to see how the How I Met Your Mother star can liven up the event. The list, BTW, was one of the best recent Top 10s, particularly the cheeky nods to the Eminem/Bruno brouhaha and the Jeremy Piven Broadway scandal.

– Speaking of award show hosts, Craig Ferguson as Emmy host? Yes, that should definitely happen.

– Ovation TV will air a documentary tribute to the late Heath Ledger this summer.

– Kung Fu star David Carradine‘s death may have taken a turn from sad to sad and creepy.

– Were the Dawson’s Creek kids really “four monstrous actors” once they got crazy famous on the show? A DC showrunner says so.

– If you haven’t read producer Josh Friedman‘s blog post about the end of Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, check it out now. It’s hilarious, and sad, and is a reminder of how, no matter how much a fan base may love a show, it always comes down to business.

– The Shield leads all nominees for the Television Critics Association Awards, and if that makes you realize how much you miss Vic Mackey and the gang, check out what the cast says about the possibility of a big-screen Shield movie. Do we dare to hope?

– Guess who’ll be back on the island – or somewhere in the Lost universe – for the sixth and final season? Aaron’s mama Claire.

– And an article in Newsweek about how reality TV makes women look stupid makes some interesting points, though I’d suggest the author watch a couple of episodes of The Hills. From Spencer Pratt to Justin Bobby, and almost every other dude in between, these aren’t exactly flattering portraits of the American male, either. Not to mention Jon Gosselin, at least half the male Real World-ers, Danny Bonaduce, Flavor Flav, Survivor‘s “Johnny Fairplay” …

• No Comments
• Filed in Boob Tube to Big Screen, Celebreality, Reality, TV News
• Tags: Bruno, Craig Ferguson, Danny Bonaduce, David Carradine, Dawson's Creek, Eminem, Emmy, Flavor Flav, Heath Ledger, How I Met Your Mother, Jeremy Piven, Johnny Fairplay, Jon Gosselin, Josh Friedman, Justin Bobby, Kung Fu, Late Show with David Letterman, Lost, Lost Claire, Neil Patrick Harris, Ovation TV, Real World, Reality TV, Spencer Pratt, Survivor, Television Critics Association Awards, Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, The Hills, The Shield, The Shield movie, Tony Awards, Vic Mackey

All the tube news that’s fit to surf …

– R.I.P. Kung Fu star David Carradine. Check out some of his Emmy-nominated days as Caine at the YouTube Kung Fu page.

– Hey, yeah! TheWrap.com asks the question, If Kal Penn left House to work for the Obama White House, why isn’t he there yet?

– And don’t miss the two-part TheWrap.com investigation into just how dire post-reality TV life is for some of its stars. Not everyone turns reality TV stardom into a thriving career like Elizabeth Hasselbeck has, of course. But some of the cast-offs have been so haunted by their short-lived fame, or infamy, that they’ve committed suicide.

– Whoa: The Big O has been dethroned as the most powerful celeb in the world, says Forbes mag.

– Oprah has responded, meanwhile, to that Newsweek story on the iffy-ness of the advice from the health segments of Oprah’s talk show.

– A&E has reportedly decided to cancel The Beast, the Patrick Swayze drama that failed to pull in big ratings.

– After being bounced from the Iron Man movie series, Terrence Howard is bringing his considerable talents to the tube for an upcoming cop drama.

– The people have spoken, and they’ve declared in Ted Casablanca‘s The Awful Truth column that Spencer Pratt is The Most Awful Celeb in Hollywood. But somehow, I think the arrogant one will just see it not as an insult, but as confirmation that he is considered a celeb.

– Prison Break alum Robert “T-Bag” Knepper will be the newest Heroes villain next season. May have to actually start watching again.

– Kris Allen, you just won American Idol, what are you going to do next? Um, play a Wal-Mart shareholders meeting.

– Once and for all: Eminem was in on the Bruno joke at the MTV Movie Awards.

• No Comments
• Filed in American Idol, Celebreality, Reality, TV News
• Tags: Bruno, David Carradine, Elizabeth Hasselbeck, Eminem, Heroes, Heroes villain, House, Iron Man, Kal Penn, Kris Allen, Kung Fu, MTV Movie Awards, Newsweek Oprah, Obama, Oprah, Patrick Swayze, Prison Break, R.I.P., reality stars, Reality TV, reality TV stars suicide, reality TV suicide, Robert "T-Bag" Knepper, Spencer Pratt, Ted Casablanca, Terrence Howard, The Awful Truth, The Beast

All the tube news that’s fit to surf …

– Beverly Hills 90210 alum, and recent Sarah Connor Chronicles comeback kid, Brian Austin Green may become the newest One Tree Hill resident, now that Hilarie Burton and Chad Michael Murray are hitting the bricks. An aside: Is it a prereq to have three names to be the lead dude on that show?

– Eminem, Bruno, staged, yes.

– The New York Post has a photo of Adam Lambert and his rumored boyfriend. Doesn’t the BF sorta look like Shia LaBeouf?

– Whatever happens in Vegas will show up on TV when Top Chef heads to Sin City for season six.

– Here’s one of TVGuide.com’s funnier lists: “TV Fat Guys with Hot Wives.” They forgot Mark Addy and Jami Gertz from Still Standing, though. Anyone else they forgot?

– Yes, in between fake apologizing on The Hills and ticking off his fellow D-listers on I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here, Spencer Pratt is indeed trying to become the next Vanilla Ice.

– And I have to agree with Time mag’s James Poniewozik, who gives Spencer the award for “The Greatest TV Line of 2009” when he told NBC honcho Ben Silverman about the rest of the has-been/never-were cast, “This cast is devaluing our fame!” The truly sad thing is, Spencer probably has a point. I doubt Frangela or Sanjaya are pulling down the kind of bank Speidi is pulling down with their club appearances and … whatever else it is they do to make cash.

– One more Speidi item: TMZ claims that, after quitting the show twice during last night’s premiere, the Pratts quit – for reals – after the live portion of the show.

– Ex-lovers Heidi Fleiss and Tom Sizemore, whose relationship was tempestuous, to put it mildly, will reunite as co-stars on the new season of Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew. That cannot possibly be something that would ever be allowed to happen in real-life rehab, could it?

– And the Emmys will air a week earlier than planned this year. Because of a football game.

• No Comments
• Filed in American Idol, Celebreality, Reality, TV News
• Tags: Adam Lambert, Beverly Hills 90210, Brian Austin Green, Bruno, Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew, Chad Michael Murray, Eminem, Emmys, Frangela, Heidi Fleiss, Hilarie Burton, I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here, One Tree Hill, Sanjaya, Sarah Connor Chronicles, Speidi, Spencer Pratt, terminator, The Hills, Tom Sizemore, Top Chef, TV Fat Guys with Hot Wives

All the tube news that’s fit to surf …

– The Eminem/Bruno (Sacha Baron Cohen) brouhaha from the MTV Movie Awards got all the press, but how deliciously campy was it when Kristin Cavallari showed up at Spencer and Heidi‘s wedding wearing the exact same color dress as her old Laguna Beach enemy Lauren Conrad on last night’s ep of The Hills?

– More Hills news: The stars of the show are upset that Paris Hilton called their show fake. Insert your own joke here about the pot calling the kettle fake.

– BTW, the winners at last night’s Andy Samberg-hosted MTV Movie Awards included Heath Ledger for Best Villain and waaaaaay too many popcorn statues for the Twilight cast.

– Wanna guarantee yourself a reality TV deal? Apparently fertility drugs, and a heaping side dish of crazy, are the answer. As creepy as she is, Octomom Nadya Suleman has signed a deal to film a series starring her brood, though no American network has agreed to air it. Yet. Meanwhile, did you know that she actually likes the Octomom nickname, so much so that she’s trying to trademark it?

– Bob Saget‘s Surviving Suburbia couldn’t survive the summer TV line-up. Better Off Ted, meanwhile, will get some summer lovin’ from ABC, as the quirky comedy rejoins the line-up on June 23.

– Susan Boyle losing Britain’s Got Talent … as shocking as Adam Lambert losing American Idol?

– Ray Romano talks about his upcoming dramedy, how he thinks Jay Leno‘s new show will do and about what he watches on TV. Hint: Lots of reality stuff and 24.

– And speaking of 24, Freddie Prinze Jr. as a wannabe Jack Bauer and now Forrest Gump‘s Mykelti Williamson as the new Bill Buchanan on the next season of 24 … it’s almost sounding like a whole new show, isn’t it?

• No Comments
• Filed in 24, American Idol, Celebreality, Comedy, Drama, Reality, TV News
• Tags: 24, Adam Lambert, American Idol, Andy Samberg, Better Off Ted, Bob Saget, Britain's Got Talent, Bruno, Eminem, Freddie Prinze Jr., Jack Bauer, Jay Leno, Kristin Cavallari, Laguna Beach, Lauren Conrad, MTV, MTV Movie Awards, Mykelti Williamson, Nadya Suleman, Octomom, Paris Hilton, Ray Romano, Sacha Baron Cohen, Spencer and Heidi, Spencer and Heidi wedding, Spencer Pratt, Surviving Suburbia, Susan Boyle, The Hills