(ALL TIMES ET)
9PM | ABC
Modern Family – Mitchell and Cameron “audition” for potential birth mothers, while Phil gets Haley and Gloria to pretend to be regular audience members during his big real estate presentation. And when Manny and Luke have to concoct the best capsule to protect an egg in a two-story drop for a school project, we see exactly where Claire’s hyper-competitive side came from.
8PM | ABC
The Middle – Sue finds out a member of the wrestling team is crushing on her, while Brick makes a map project for school … and Axl eats it.
8PM | THE CW – 9TH SEASON PREMIERE
One Tree Hill – Past citizens return, as Brooke and Julian settle into family life and the show kicks off its final season.
8:30PM | NBC – SERIES PREMIERE
Are You There, Chelsea? – This is not a recommendation that you watch this show, based on Chelsea Handler‘s book, and starring That ’70s Show‘s Laura Prepon as the Handler character and Handler herself, well, not as Handler … it is only a reminder that it premieres tonight should you want to watch it. Again, not recommending it as something you should watch/will derive any entertainment value from. Not.
9PM | CBS
People’s Choice Awards – You picked ’em. Now see how your votes played out as Kaley Cuoco hosts the live show, from the Nokia Theatre in Los Angeles. Among the stars scheduled to present/attend: Faith Hill, Demi Lovato, Robert Pattinson, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Liam Neeson, Ewan McGregor, Ian Somerhalder, Nina Dobrev, Paul Wesley, Cuba Gooding Jr., Cory Monteith, David Boreanaz, Angus T. Jones, Don Cheadle, Julianne Hough, Busy Phillips, Rob Schneider, Sharon Osbourne, Liam Hemsworth, Alyson Hannigan, Zachary Levi, Matt Bomer, Elisha Cuthbert, Pauley Perrette and Vanessa Hudgens.
9:30PM | ABC
Happy Endings – Dave’s dad (guest star Michael McKean) comes to town with his new girlfriend: Penny’s mom (guest star Megan Mullally). Penny is happy about the new duo, Dave, not so much.
10PM | NBC
Law & Order: Special Victims Unit – Creepy: Kevin Pollack and Fisher Stevens guest star as an actress is sexually assaulted during a theater performance, and the audience thinks it’s all a part of the act.
10PM | MTV
Real World/Road Rules Challenge: The Battle of the Exes Launch Special – Challenge vet Kenny Santucci hosts this preview of the Jan. 25 Challenge season, in which former BFs and GFs are reunited, whether they like it or not, to try to win the $300,000 grand prize.
10PM | FOOD NETWORK
Restaurant: Impossible – Chef Robert performs his makeover magic on a California bistro whose owners are more than $2 million in debt.
10PM | ABC
Revenge – From ABC’s official description of tonight’s episode: “a stunning revelation is unveiled and becomes a game changer for Emily and the Graysons.” This may be the best primetime soap since the Allison/Billy/Amanda and Brenda/Dylan/Kelly days of Melrose Place and Beverly Hills 90210.
Worth flipping to during commercials:
– On Suburgatory (8:30PM, ABC), Tessa thinks the new boy at school is gay, but he’s really an undercover cop (yes, just like Johnny Depp on 21 Jump Street);
– Adam Richman kicks off Amazing Eats (9 and 9:30PM, Travel), in which he travels the country to track down favorites like the best pork dishes and the best burgers;
– It’s the 8th season premiere of Ghost Hunters (9PM, Syfy);
– It’s the season two premiere of Face Off (10PM, Syfy), the reality competition series for aspiring makeup/special effects movie artists;
– Joel McHale and the gang serve up another bowl of The Soup (10PM, E!);
– On Toddlers & Tiaras (10PM, TLC), the contestants include feuding sisters and a little girl coached by a drag queen;
– And on Top Chef: Texas (10PM, Bravo), it’s restaurant wars week!
And the late-night line-up:
– Conan (11PM, TBS): Jack McBrayer;
– The Daily Show with Jon Stewart (11PM, Comedy Central): Senator Jim DeMint;
– The Colbert Report (11:30PM, Comedy Central): George Stephanopoulas;
– The Late Show with David Letterman (11:35PM, CBS): Dolly Parton;
– The Tonight Show with Jay Leno (11:35PM, NBC): Liam Neeson;
– Jimmy Kimmel Live (12:05AM, ABC): Woody Harrelson and Yvonne Strahovski;
– Late Night with Jimmy Fallon (12:35AM, NBC): Robin Thicke, Donnie Wahlberg and Rosie O’Donnell;
– The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (12:37AM, CBS): Adam Goldberg;
– Last Call with Carson Daly (1:35AM, NBC): The Airborne Toxic Event.
(ALL TIMES ET)
9:30PM | ABC
Happy Endings – When Jane and Max get into a tiff over a sweater, they decide whoever can be the least vain will get to claim the garment. Another Adam Pally-intensive episode can only be a good thing.
8PM | ABC
The Middle – Frankie promises the family an all-you-can-eat buffet if they can maintain their New Year’s resolutions for a week, but that means Brick has to stop reading all the time, Mike has to smile more, Axl had to keep his room clean and Sue has to try out for fewer activities.
8:30PM | ESPN
2012 Orange Bowl – West Virginia takes on Clemson in Miami, as the Tigers try to extend their winning streak against the Mountaineers to two games (the two teams have met just once before, in 1989).
8:30PM | ABC
Suburgatory – Tessa gets her driver’s license, which Dalia just sees as an opportunity for her to be chauffeured around town. But Tessa may have the last laugh, as her new job provides an opportunity for her to spend time with Scott …
9PM | ABC
Modern Family – Phil Dunphy is a man prone to going overboard. So imagine what he’s like when he thinks he may be dying.
10PM | FOOD NETWORK
Restaurant: Impossible – Chef Robert tries to save a Colorado pub on the verge of bankruptcy.
10PM | ABC
Revenge – Emily’s master plan starts to unravel, which can only mean this addictive drama, one of the most fun new shows of the season, is going to get even better.
Worth flipping to during commercials:
– Dr. Drew and Pam Anderson are among the celebs claiming their not the celebs they are on the reality switcheroo I Get That a Lot (8PM, CBS);
– ID’s latest true crime series Fatal Encounters (10PM) unfolds murder cases, including, in the opener, one woman’s plan to steal another woman’s baby;
– They’re baaaack for another season: the moms of Toddlers & Tiaras (10PM, TLC);
– It’s a BBQ showdown on Top Chef: Texas (10PM, Bravo).
And the late-night line-up:
– Conan (11PM, TBS): Chris Isaak;
– The Daily Show with Jon Stewart (11PM, Comedy Central): Elizabeth Dowling Taylor;
– The Colbert Report (11:30PM, Comedy Central): John Heilemann;
– The Late Show with David Letterman (11:35PM, CBS): Brian Williams;
– The Tonight Show with Jay Leno (11:35PM, NBC): Pawn Stars star Rick Harrison;
– Jimmy Kimmel Live (12:05AM, ABC): Octavia Spencer;
– Late Night with Jimmy Fallon (12:35AM, NBC): Geoffrey Zakarian and Ed Burns;
– The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (12:37AM, CBS): Melissa Rauch;
– Last Call with Carson Daly (1:35AM, NBC): Kaitlin Olson.
(ALL TIMES ET)
10PM | USA – 6TH SEASON PREMIERE
Psych – Shawn and Gus take $500 from a kid to recover his stolen Star Wars figure, but while retrieving the collectible, Shawn stumbles upon a dead body and has to fake a psychic vision to lead police to the crime scene. Lassie, of course, isn’t buying Shawn’s ruse, which leads him to hook Mr. Spencer up to a lie detector machine … how will Shawn get out of this one?
8PM | ABC
The Middle – Sue decides to try out for cheerleading, while Brick’s school days are spent trying to defend himself against his class bullies.
8PM | NBC
Up All Night – Chris is very popular at Amy’s playgroup, but Reagan worries she’s not being a good mom because of her hectic schedule.
8:30PM | ABC
Suburgatory – George is a hit with the PTA, which doesn’t make one of his neighbors very happy. Meanwhile, Tessa turns the school newspaper into a tabloid.
9PM | ABC
Modern Family – David Cross continues his guest stint as the obnoxious city councilman who may just inspire Claire to run for officer herself.
9:30PM | ABC
Happy Endings – Megan Mullally guest stars as Penny’s mom, who’s hiding a secret from her daughter.
10PM | CBS
CSI – When a former Vegas mayor gets shot at the Mob Museum, the CSIs have to take a little lesson in Las Vegas history to find clues.
10PM | BBC AMERICA
Luther – Luther begins to have deep feelings for Jenny, while pursuing a serial killer who doesn’t seem to have a motive for his handiwork.
10PM | COMEDY CENTRAL
South Park – The boys play a game of “Texans vs. Mexicans,” and guess who wants to be the U.S. border patrol agent? Of course, Cartman.
Worth flipping to during commercials:
– An unhappy castaway on Redemption Island spills tribal secrets on Survivor (8PM, CBS);
– The remaining contestants go to the judges’ homes for mentoring on The X Factor (8PM, Fox);
– LaToya Jackson and the Kardashian sisters guest star on America’s Next Top Model (9PM, The CW);
– Hotch thinks Jack is being bullied on Criminal Minds (9PM, CBS);
– Harry and Oliver defend a teen cyberbully on Harry’s Law (9PM, NBC);
– On MythBusters (9PM, Discovery): is it possible to walk a straight line while blindfolded?;
– On American Horror Story (10PM, FX), Ben sees a patient who has nightmares about being cut in half;
– On Extreme Couponing (10PM, TLC), a Colorado family of five gets by on student loans and extreme couponing while the dad attends engineering school;
– Grey’s Anatomy alum T.R. Knight guest stars on Law & Order: SVU (10PM, NBC) as a family suspected of being a serial rapist;
– The whole house throws down after Frank brings someone home and has sex throughout the house on The Real World (10PM, MTV);
– Pastry chef Francois Payard is the guest judge as the dessert artists are challenged to turn carnival food into fancy cuisine on Top Chef: Just Desserts (10PM, Bravo);
– On Nick Swardson’s Pretend Time (10:30PM, Comedy Central), skits include an alien paternity test and a cleaning product for very harsh stains.
And the late-night line-up:
– Conan (11PM, TBS): Michael C. Hall;
– The Daily Show with Jon Stewart (11PM, Comedy Central): Ron Paul (REPEAT);
– The Colbert Report (11:30PM, Comedy Central): John Lithgow (REPEAT);
– The Late Show with David Letterman (11:35PM, CBS): Bill Clinton;
– The Tonight Show with Jay Leno (11:35PM, NBC): J.R. Martinez, Zooey Deschanel and Fountains of Wayne;
– Jimmy Kimmel Live (12:05AM, ABC): Idris Elba and Rob Lowe;
– Late Night with Jimmy Fallon (12:35AM, NBC): Michael Phelps and Alan Cumming;
– The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (12:37AM, CBS): Jim Parsons;
– Last Call with Carson Daly (1:35AM, NBC): Butch Vig.
(ALL TIMES ET)
8PM | FOX
American Idol – The three finalists, Lauren, Scotty and Haley, make hometown visits, and then perform three tunes: one they choose for themselves, one chosen by the judges and one chosen by mentor Jimmy Iovine.
8PM | ABC
The Middle – Axl wants to snag a coveted job at the public pool, but one thing stands in his way: Sean Donahue, his rival and sworn enemy.
9PM | CBS – 6TH SEASON FINALE
Criminal Minds – A.J. Cook returns as Jareau, Nicholas Brendan returns as Garcia’s boyfriend and the team thinks a human trafficking ring is afoot when they find two missing bodies in the trunk of a car.
9PM | ABC
Modern Family – The whole fam gathers at Jay’s house to head off to Alex’s junior-high graduation ceremony together, but various shenanigans may lead to them missing the whole thing.
9:30PM | ABC
Cougar Town – Lou Diamond Phillips guest stars and … gives business advice to Laurie and Bobby.
9:30PM | TLC
Extreme Couponing – In tonight’s ep, one woman calls herself a coupon addict, while another – whose name is “Treasure” – started couponing to save her family’s business and has since amassed a stockpile worth $35,000.
10PM | NBC – 12TH SEASON FINALE
Law & Order: SVU – Will you still watch the show next season when Mariska Hargitay goes to part-time status and her replacement may come in the form of Jennifer Love Hewitt? Something to ponder during the action-packed finale, which includes a shootout in the police station after Benson and Stabler’s rape case witness is murdered.
10PM | MTV
The Real World: Las Vegas – A free trip to Cancun should equal paradise, but that all goes out the window when Dustin and Mike get into another fight.
10PM | COMEDY CENTRAL
South Park – The episode’s called “T.M.I,” as in, the school posts the boys’ penis sizes on the bulletin board. Who’s most upset about it? No, not the parents. It’s Cartman, who gets so irate that he’s sent to the principal’s office and is ordered to attend anger management therapy. This has “serenity now” written all over it.
Worth flipping to during commercials:
– A winner is crowned on the 16th season finale of America’s Next Top Model (9PM, The CW);
– Adam and Jamie duke it out as spies on MythBusters (9PM, Discovery);
– The team tries to find a killer who disfigures the faces of his victims on Criminal Minds: Suspect Behavior (10PM, CBS);
– On Top Chef Masters (10PM, Bravo), the chefs help a man propose to his girlfriend with a very special, six-course dinner.
And the late-night line-up:
– Conan (11PM, TBS): Bradley Cooper;
– The Daily Show with Jon Stewart (11PM, Comedy Central): Richard Beeman;
– The Colbert Report (11:30PM, Comedy Central): Austan Goolsbee;
– The Late Show with David Letterman (11:35PM, CBS): Julie Bowen, Keith Olbermann and Ben Harper;
– The Tonight Show with Jay Leno (11:35PM, NBC): Ed Helms;
– Lopez Tonight (Midnight, TBS): Will Ferrell;
– Jimmy Kimmel Live (12:05AM, ABC): Adam Carolla and Topher Grace;
– Late Night with Jimmy Fallon (12:35AM, NBC): Jim Parsons;
– The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (12:37AM, CBS): Julie Andrews;
– Last Call with Carson Daly (1:35AM, NBC): Adam Blackstone.
(ALL TIMES ET)
8PM | ABC
The Middle – Axl texts a girl to ask her to the prom, and she accepts. The problem: His text went to the wrong girl, and his parents insist that he either take the girl who accepted, or tell her – in person – that he doesn’t want to be her date. Meanwhile, Frankie and Mike find Brick’s new one-man show entertaining … the first time they see it. Not so much after that.
8PM | FOX
American Idol – Lady Gaga serves as a mentor as the top four sing the songs of Jerry Leiber and Mike Stoller, who penned Elvis Presley hits like “Hound Dog,” “Jailhouse Rock” and “Don’t,” as well as other classics like “Kansas City,” “Yakety Yak” and “Stand By Me.” In other words, great music, but yet another not-so-contemporary theme that makes Idol seem out of touch. Meanwhile, it’s a very Gaga night in primetime (see below) …
8PM | CBS
Survivor – Andrea participates in her first Redemption Island duel, while another Survivor plots a major, and risky, move.
9PM | CBS
Criminal Minds – Tonight’s case becomes personal for Morgan (Shemar Moore) when a Florida serial killer begins burying his victims in the ocean, and Morgan’s aunt is petrified that her missing daughter may be among them.
9PM | ABC
Modern Family – Cam has the flu, but it’s Mitchell who’s just sick about the possibility that Cameron’s illness may jeopardize his chance to see Lady Gaga in concert.
9:30PM | ABC
Cougar Town – Is Grayson finally tired of Jules telling him what to do? Yup.
9:30PM | TLC
Extreme Couponing – One of tonight’s couponers shows how her coupon savings provide her with funds for travel, while another busy mom has to take her kids along on an otherwise meticulously-planned shopping trip.
10PM | NBC
Law & Order: SVU – All is not what it initially appears to be (i.e., twists ahead), when a woman finds a naked teenage boy sleeping in her bedroom, and the kid’s mom (Rita Wilson, a.k.a. Mrs. Tom Hanks) strenuously defends her son.
10PM | MTV
The Real World: Las Vegas – Nany‘s got some secrets, but Cooke doesn’t, as Heather finds out that Dustin and Cooke hooked up, and she’s none too happy about it.
10PM | COMEDY CENTRAL
South Park – The royal wedding and our neighbors to the north are the spoofees tonight, as Ike becomes obsessed aboot the impending nuptials of the prince, and princess-to-be, of Canada.
Worth flipping to during commercials:
– The two finalists are revealed on America’s Next Top Model (9PM, The CW);
– The MythBusters dudes test Hollywood sound effects (9PM, Discovery);
– Oz locks the team in the office when they fail to protect a fast food chicken chain’s secret recipe on Breaking In (9:30PM, Fox);
– Fickler asks the team to help find the missing daughter of his good friend, a judge, on Criminal Minds: Suspect Behavior (10PM, CBS);
– The chefs prepare a meal for Maroon 5 on Top Chef Masters (10PM, Bravo).
And the late-night line-up:
– Conan (11PM, TBS): Jon Hamm and Ke$ha;
– The Daily Show with Jon Stewart (11PM, Comedy Central): Albert Brooks;
– The Colbert Report (11:30PM, Comedy Central): James B. Stewart;
– The Late Show with David Letterman (11:35PM, CBS): Ray LaMontagne, Chaz Bono and Keith Olbermann;
– The Tonight Show with Jay Leno (11:35PM, NBC): Dick Van Dyke and Steve Earle;
– Lopez Tonight (Midnight, TBS): Nick Cannon and Bruno Tonioli;
– Jimmy Kimmel Live (12:05AM, ABC): Chris O’Donnell;
– Late Night with Jimmy Fallon (12:35AM, NBC): Jakob Dylan, Keith Richards and Jennifer Hudson;
– The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (12:37AM, CBS): Tim Meadows;
– Last Call with Carson Daly (1:35AM, NBC): Grouplove.
Charlie Sheen, Russell Brand and Louis C.K. are getting most of the attention, but I’m most excited that one of the best new shows of last TV season — Wilfred — returns for its second season on FX tonight (10PM ET). Season one of the series ended with a cliffhanger — had Ryan (Elijah Wood) […]
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