All the tube news that’s fit to surf …

– The next season of 24 may be its last. Sad news – it’s my all-time favorite TV drama – but it’s gotta be one of the most exhausting shows to make, for the cast, crew and writers. Besides, the end of the series will likely mean a big-screen movie (or movies), so we’ve got that going for us, which is nice.

– Variety has an early review for next week’s third season premiere of Mad Men, and it’s a very positive one.

– And New York City is also going mad for Mad Men next week.

– Oprah is allegedly being sued for a trillion dollars. At least she can probably afford it.

– This story alleges that the reason Jon Gosselin is so in demand is because women want to save him and they feel he’s misunderstood. Or perhaps it’s just that these women are just that desperate for their own little piece of reality infamy, even if they have to go through an Ed Hardy-obsessed d-bag to get it. But that’s just my theory.

– And this story, which goes into detail about The Real Housewives of New York City star Bethanny Frankel‘s pregnancy testing experiences, is really, really too much information.

– Jay Leno has booked quite the musical line-up for his primetime premiere on Sept. 14: Jay-Z, Rihanna and Kanye West.

– Speaking of Leno, some of TV’s top showrunners are speaking out about what a bad move the Leno-in-primetime show is for scripted fare.

– Oh, Billy Mays … the autopsy report on the pitchman’s death says cocaine contributed to his death earlier this summer.

– The final season of Nip/Tuck premieres on FX on Oct. 14.

– Paula Abdul says she’s gotten lots of job offers since quitting American Idol, but I bet none of them are going to pay her millions of dollars.

– Speaking of Paula, being her fan can get you beaten up. Ask Constantine Maroulis.

– And this weekend in primetime:

FRIDAY
– NBC’s fantastic cop drama Southland is re-airing throughout the summer (8PM ET)
– Shark attack survivor Bethany Hamilton is a contestants on Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader (8PM, Fox)
– Denzel Washington, James Caan and Quentin Tarantino are the guests on Friday Night with Jonathan Ross (8PM, BBCA)
– Surviving Suburbia season finale on ABC (8PM)
– 24‘s heroic Aaron Pierce, a.k.a. actor Glenn Morshower, guests on Mental at 9PM on Fox
– Elizabeth Perkins guest stars on the eighth (and final) season premiere of Monk on USA (9PM)
– Lock ‘n Load with R. Lee Ermey (9PM) examines the history of the military tank
– Eureka‘s teens are acting mighty strange (9PM, SyFy)
– Cesar helps a ‘fraidy cat, er dog, named Roscoe on Dog Whisperer (9PM, NGC)
– Discovery Channel re-airs its scary, fact-based Shark Week movie Blood in the Water, the story that inspired Jaws (9PM)
– A Red Cross employee gets new duds on What Not to Wear (9PM, TLC)
– The Goode Family wraps its first season on ABC (9:30PM)
– Psych returns for its fourth season (yay!) with Cary Elwes guest-starring as an international art thief who eludes Lassiter, Shawn and Gus (10PM, USA)
– The Soup is cookin’ up some pop culture funny at 10PM (E!)
– IFC has part two of three of the Chris Kattan miniseries Bollywood Hero (10PM)
– It’s chefs vs. foodies in a big-city battle on the series premiere of Food Network’s Chefs vs. City (10PM)
– The team tries can keep a cool Gibson Les Paul guitar if they can prevent it from burning up in a fire on Catch It Keep It (10PM, Science)

SATURDAY
– Three full hours of Unwrapped eps on the Food Network (8PM)
– Dogs are behaving badly on back-to-back eps of In the Dog House on Animal Planet (8PM)
– A truck driver tries to win $1 million on NBC’s new poker series Face the Ace (9PM)
– Bill gives money to his scheming bro on The Bill Engvall Show (9PM, TBS)
– SyFy’s guilty pleasure movie of the week: Infestation (9PM)
– BBCA has a new ep (9PM) of its new drama Being Human
– It’s the series finale of Dirty Sexy Money (10PM, ABC)
– Bollywood Hero concludes on IFC (10PM)
– George Lopez does his stand-up act in George Lopez: Tall, Dark and Chicano (10PM, HBO)

SUNDAY
– Who Wants to Be a Millionaire celebrates its 10th anniversary with a limited-run return, with original host Regis Philbin (8PM, ABC)
– Nominations for the next eviction are revealed on Big Brother 11 (8PM, CBS)
– The Bills and the Titans play an exhibition game at the Pro football Hall of Fame in Canton on NBC (8PM)
– Ruby‘s (8PM, Style) tries to recall her forgotten childhood
– Eight neighboring families are walled off into a community where they compete for a $250,000 prize on the series premiere of There Goes the Neighborhood (9PM, CBS)
– Office Space star Ron Livingston is an astronaut who embarks on a long mission to Venus in the new ABC drama series Defying Gravity (9PM)
– Deb wigs about Jane’s birthday on Drop Dead Diva (9PM, Lifetime)
– Eric’s arrival changes things for Sookie on True Blood (9PM, HBO)
– It’s the eighth season finale of Law & Order: Criminal Intent (9PM, USA)
– Admitted gold digger Megan Hauserman tries to land a rich dude on her Rock of Love spin-off Megan Wants a Millionaire (9PM, VH1)
– A bride asks her hubby-to-be to sell blood to pay for her hair appointment on Bridezillas (9PM, WE)
– Tornados (9PM) and lighting (10PM) are the subjects of Raging Planet episodes on Discovery Channel
– On Ice Road Truckers (9PM, History), there are just two weeks left in the season
– The fourth season of America’s Best Dance Crew premieres on MTV (9PM)
– ABC has the series premiere of Shark Tank (9PM), where people pitch their inventions to potential investors
– On a new In Plain Sight on USA (10PM), a political activist hates her new home
– Back-to-back new episodes of Pawn Stars on History Channel (10 and 10:30PM)
– On Hung (10PM, HBO), Jessica forces Ronnie to tell her the truth about their new financial situation
– A couple asks for a peacock cake on Amazing Wedding Cakes (10PM, WE)
– Country singer Shelby Lynne guests on Army Wives (10PM, Lifetime)
– Jesse tries to escape from a burning vehicle on Jesse James Is a Dead Man (10PM, Spike)
– Vince and Drama golf with (guest stars) Tom Brady and (series producer) Mark Wahlberg on Entourage (10:30PM, HBO)

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• Tags: 24 series ending, Bethanny Frankel, Billy Mays, Mad Men, Mad Men season 3 review, Nip/Tuck finale season, Oprah sued, The Real Housewives of New York City

All the tube news that’s fit to surf …

– Roseanne dad John Goodman has signed on to star in The Station, a Ben Stiller-produced Fox comedy pilot about CIA operatives who are trying to install a new dictator in Central America.

– The Real Housewives of New York City star Bethenny Frankel is getting a spin-off series, according to the New York Post. Bethenny will star in Skinny & the City this fall, a reality series that will follow her as she plans her upcoming wedding (even though, just a couple of weeks ago, there was no confirmation that she was actually engaged).

– Oprah may need to give away more cars … Her show ratings have slipped 32 percent since 2004.

– More ratings woes: Conan O’Brien‘s Tonight Show suffered the lowest ratings in the show’s history last week.

– Former star of The O.C. Mischa Barton – who’s set to star in the new CW model drama The Beautiful Life this fall – is under psychiatric hold at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles after she called police for a health problem this week.

– Pitchmen will continue without Billy Mays on the Discovery Channel, though the late infomercial king’s son, Billy Mays III, will help steer the show’s second season.

– IGN.com has details on Matt Damon‘s October guest gig on Entourage: He’ll play himself, and he’ll be trying to guilt Vinnie Chase into donating a lot of cash to one of Damon’s favorite charities.

– The Listener is dunzo on NBC. The low-rated series will reportedly finish its run – five episodes – at NBC.com.

– And this weekend in primetime:

FRIDAY
– The SpongeBob SquarePants weekend marathon – which celebrates the show’s 10th anniversary – kicks off (8PM ET, Nick) with a new ep in which a dryer accident leads SpongeBob to purchase a pair of round pants. The marathon runs through Sunday night at 10PM
– New Degrassi: The Next Generation on The N (8PM)
– Star Jones and Jack Hanna try to win cash for charity on Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader? (8PM, Fox)
– It’s the penultimate ep of Chopping Block on NBC (8PM)
– ABC has a new episode of The Goode Family (8:30PM)
– A single mom needs a fashion intervention on What Not to Wear (9PM, TLC)
– Carter’s trying to get recertified, but, of course, nothing is ever that simple on Eureka (SyFy, 9PM)
– On Whale Wars (9PM, Animal Planet), chaos ensues because of Paul’s code words
– Jack treats a suicidal teen on Mental (9PM, NBC)
– A lesbian couple shops for wedding wear on Say Yes to the Dress (10PM, TLC)

SATURDAY
– It’s part one of the Kings season (series?) finale on NBC (8PM)
– The Bill Engvall Show opens its third season (9PM, TBS)
– Happy Thanksgiving, Darlings, on the lame duck drama Dirty Sexy Money (10PM, ABC)

SUNDAY
– Lindsay Lohan‘s straight-to-DVD comedy Labor Pains makes its premiere on ABC Family (8PM) before heading to disc
– The second round of eviction nominees are revealed on Big Brother 11 (8PM, CBS)
– Ruby goes back to work (8PM, Style)
– The ESPY Awards (9PM, ESPN) are hosted by Samuel L. Jackson
– Jane represents a woman who lost her job because she gained 50 pounds on Drop Dead Diva (9PM, Lifetime)
– There’s a new ep of the Emmy-snubbed True Blood at 9PM on HBO
– Poker? No, he killed her – or someone – on a gambling-themed Law & Order: Criminal Intent (9PM, USA)
– New ep of Ice Road Truckers at 9PM (History Channel)
– The final four have to perform live on a cooking show on The Next Food Network Star (9PM)
– One Bridezilla has orange hair – not on purpose – on her wedding day (9PM, WE)
– Living on the Moon (9PM, NGC) examines NASA’s Project Constellation, which plans a human outpost on the moon by 2020
– Ace of Cakes premieres its seventh season at 10PM on the Food Network (and then moves back to its Thursday timeslot next week)
– Pawn Star$, a reality show that follows a family who runs a pawn shop, debuts on History Channel at 10PM
– Mary makes a training video on In Plain Sight (10PM, USA)
– Denise and Frank head to counseling on Army Wives (10PM, Lifetime)
– WE’s new game show, Most Popular (10PM), is hosted by British funny guy Graham Norton and finds audiences judging contestants based on first impressions
– Ray’s got issues with his neighbor on Hung (10PM, HBO)
– Vinnie and the boys attend the red carpet premiere of Gatsby on Entourage (10:30PM, HBO)

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• Tags: Bethenny Frankel, Billy Mays III, Conan O'Brien ratings, John Goodman, Matt Damon Entourage, Mischa Barton psychiatric hold, Oprah ratings, Pitchmen season 2, SpongeBob SquarePants marathon, The Listener canceled, The Real Housewives of New York City