(ALL TIMES ET)

10PM | TNT – 3RD SEASON FINALE
Southland – NBC must, or at least should, regret cutting Southland loose, since it’s one of the rare dramas that has only gotten better. And tonight’s season finale keeps the good stuff flowing, as Ben (Benjamin McKenzie) wraps his rookie run while his partner, John (Michael Cudlitz), grows ever more dependent on painkillers. Elsewhere, Sammy (Shawn Hatosy) confronts Nate’s killer.

8PM | FOX
Glee – Gwyneth Paltrow returns as Holly Holliday, the fill-in sex ed teacher.

9PM | DISCOVERY – 7TH SEASON FINALE
Dirty Jobs – It’s a family affair as Mike’s mom and dad pop in while he looks back at all the family businesses he’s visited.

9PM | FOX
Raising Hope – Jimmy’s cousin Mike returns with a wife (guest star Mary Lynn Rajskub) and three “brother-husbands,” while Mike’s dad (guest star J.K. Simmons), Burt’s brother, looks to Burt for help in bonding with his son. Bonus awesome guest star: Best Week Ever host Paul F. Tompkins as one of the brother-husbands.

9PM | ABC
V – Diana tells Lisa an attack against Anna is the only way to save the humans from being wiped out.

9:30PM | FOX
Traffic Light – Adam may come to regret (erroneously) getting credit for rescuing his elderly neighbors’ puppy when Mrs. Neighbor goes overboard with her gratitude.

10PM | FX
Lights Out – Ed’s (Eamonn Walker) training plan for Lights has the whole family in an uproar, from Theresa and the girls, who don’t like the late hours, to Johnny, who’s upset that Ed won’t let Lights promote the Reynolds bout.

10PM | MTV
Teen Mom – Kailyn has no choice but to move in with her mother, and Jenelle plans to move to New Jersey with Kieffer. On the good news front, Leah and Corey are happy to get baby Ali‘s diagnosis.

10PM | USA – 2ND SEASON FINALE
White Collar – Neal finally gets more info about Kate’s death.

Worth flipping to during commercials:
– Sully coaches some wannabe pitchmen in the second season finale of Pitchmen (7PM, Discovery);
– The Biggest Loser (8PM, NBC) includes a mud pit challenge;
– New Jump City Seattle on G4 (8PM);
– It’s the classic Happy Days (8:30, The HUB) episode in which Richie and Lori Beth get married (via telephone!);
– Kenny Rogers: The First 50 Years takes a look back at the career of The Gambler (8:30PM, GAC);
– On the second season finale of Cupcake Wars (9PM, Food Network), the contestants create treats for the 50th anniversary of the Ice House Comedy Club in Pasadena;
– On Joan & Melissa: Joan Knows Best? (9PM, WE), Joan is supposed to babysit Cooper and her friends for a weekend, but when she gets a job, she passes the babysitting baton;
– A female boxer gets a makeover on What Not to Wear (9PM, TLC);
– Several suspects keep the detectives busy when a college co-ed is murdered on Detroit 1-8-7 (10PM, ABC);
– The volunteers hunt rabbits and then eat rabbit pie on Kill It, Cook It, Eat It (10PM, Current);
– Still hoping the Real Housewives of Miami (10PM, Bravo) gets more interesting, lest it end up being as big a dud as RH of DC.

And the late-night line-up:
– Conan (11PM, TBS): Gary Oldman and Drive-By Truckers;
– The Daily Show with Jon Stewart (11PM, Comedy Central): Brian Christian;
– The Colbert Report (11:30PM, Comedy Central): Dan Sinker;
– The Late Show with David Letterman (11:35PM, CBS): Justin Bieber (REPEAT);
– The Tonight Show with Jay Leno (11:35PM, NBC): Jennifer Lopez, Ryan Seacrest, Randy Jackson and Steven Tyler (REPEAT);
– Lopez Tonight (Midnight, TBS): Aaron Eckhart;
– Jimmy Kimmel Live (12:05AM, ABC): Alex Trebek (REPEAT);
– Late Night with Jimmy Fallon (12:35AM, NBC): Jennifer Aniston and Piers Morgan (REPEAT);
– The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (12:37AM, CBS): Topher Grace;
– Last Call with Carson Daly (1:35AM, NBC): Jon Foster (REPEAT).

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• Filed in Glee, Late Night, Teen Mom, TV Picks
• Tags: Dirty Jobs, Glee, Lights Out, Raising Hope, Southland, Teen Mom, Traffic Light, V, White Collar

All the tube news that’s fit to surf …

– ABC has a novel way of promoting its upcoming V series remake, which premieres on Nov. 3: The network has hired skywriters to create giant “V”s in the sky near 26 U.S. landmarks, starting on Nov. 23 and continuing until the show debuts.

– Southland producer John Wells says two networks are interested in picking up the cop drama that NBC canceled before its second season began.

– Taylor Swift will pull a Justin Timberlake by being the host and musical guest on Saturday Night Live‘s Nov. 7 episode.

– Fox is developing a sitcom based on the dog-training life of The Dog Whisperer, Cesar Millan. That 70s Show star Wilmer Valderrama will play a character based on Milan.

– Last week’s Balloon Boy saga, not surprisingly, was part of a stunt to land Balloon Boy’s family on (another) reality show; the fam had already appeared on ABC’s Wife Swap.

– Samuel L. Jackson isn’t starring in a TV series yet, but he is producing two in-development projects, including a comedy and a medical drama for CBS.

– Mad Men Emmy nominee Elisabeth Moss is guest starring on NBC’s medical drama Mercy. Her episode, in which she plays a cancer patient, airs on Nov. 4.

– The Hills star Stephanie Pratt – sister of Spencer Pratt – was arrested on Sunday on suspicion of drunk driving.

– The Real Housewives of New York City star Bethenny Frankel is engaged.

– On Glee this week (Weds., Fox, 9PM ET): Will sings “The Thong Song” and Puck sings Neil Diamond.

– Kelly Ripa confirms she and hubby (and former All My Children co-star) Mark Consuelos will return to the soap for a couple of episodes to celebrate AMC‘s 40th anniversary.

– And The New York Times wonders if the late DJ AM‘s participation in the MTV reality series Gone Too Far might have led to his drug use relapse.

– And tonight in primetime:
– Barney tries to talk Robin into becoming a U.S. citizen on How I Met Your Mother (8PM ET, CBS)
– A guest appearance by Ernie Hudson is at least one (and maybe the only) reason to watch Heroes (8PM, NBC)
– On One Tree Hill (8PM, The CW), Nathan’s scandal jeopardizes his endorsement deals
– Dancing With the Stars week five (8PM, ABC)
– On Good Eats (8PM, Food Network): cooking with beer and wine
– New Lincoln Heights (8PM) on ABC Family
– A police detective thinks he’s going to die at 40, because all the men in his family do on a new House (8PM, Fox)
– On a special Man Caves episode (8:30PM, DIY), Ace of Cakes star Duff Goldman gets a cool new space for his band to practice
– Billie gives the fellas love advice on Accidentally on Purpose (8:30PM, CBS)
– On Greek (9PM, ABC Family), if Evan’s not known as the rich kid, then who is he?
– HBO’s Schmatta: Rags to Riches to Rags (9PM) unfolds the history of the garment district in New York City
– Serena and Nate team up to help Carter on Gossip Girl (9PM, The CW)
– Pot City, USA (9PM, A&E) is just what it sounds like, an investigation into the pot-heavy area of Humboldt County, California
– Witch Haze, Daffy and Tweety join Bugs Bunny for Bugs Bunny’s Howl-oween on the Cartoon Network (9PM)
– A murder case puts to Lightman Group in danger on Lie to Me (9PM, Fox)
– Fall goodies like pumpkin pie, apple cider and candy corn are spotlighted on Unwrapped (9PM, Food Network)
– New Trauma episode (9PM, NBC)
– Wil Wheaton guests on The Big Bang Theory (9:30PM, CBS), as Sheldon’s competition in a trading card contest
– The Jay Leno Show continues to feel 90 minutes early on NBC (10PM)
– Castle (10PM, ABC) and Beckett investigate the murder of a woman whose body was found in a manhole cover
– Guy visits oldies but goodies – like a 1940s diner in L.A. – on Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives (10PM, Food Network)
– The chefs create circus-themed cakes on Ultimate Cake Off (10PM, TLC)
– New Million Dollar Listing ep (10PM) on Bravo
– DJ AM stages an intervention for a young heroin addict on Gone Too Far (10PM, MTV)

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• Tags: Balloon Boy, Bethenny Frankel engaged, Glee, Kelly Ripa Mark Consuelos All My Children, Southland, V

Here’s the official line-up from ABC, followed by the network’s description of its new series:

ABC PRIMETIME SCHEDULE: FALL 2009
(All Times ET)

MONDAY
8PM – Dancing With the Stars
10PM – Castle

TUESDAY
8PM – Shark Tank
9PM – Dancing With the Stars results show
10PM – The Forgotten

WEDNESDAY
8PM – Hank
8:30PM – The Middle
9PM – Modern Family
9:30PM – Cougar Town
10PM – Eastwick

THURSDAY
8PM – Flash Forward
9PM – Grey’s Anatomy
10PM – Private Practice

FRIDAY
8PM – Supernanny
9PM – Ugly Betty
10PM – 20/20

SATURDAY
8PM – Saturday Night College Football

SUNDAY
7PM – America’s Funniest Home Videos
8PM – Extreme Makeover: Home Edition
9PM – Desperate Housewives
10PM – Brothers & Sisters

…Read more

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• Filed in Comedy, Drama, TV News
• Tags: ABC, Cougar Town, Courteney Cox, Eastwick, Ed O'Neill, Elizabeth Mitchell, Flash Forward, Hank, Happy Town, Jerry Bruckheimer, Julie Bowen, Kelsey Grammer, Mark Burnett, Modern Family, Neil Flynn, New fall schedule, New fall season, Patricia Heaton, Rebecca Romijn, Shark Tank, The Deep End, The Forgotten, The Middle, Upfront, V

A rundown of what is/isn’t/might be popping up on the 2009-10 primetime schedule at ABC during this week’s Upfront presentation …

ABC (Upfront presentation: Tuesday, May 19)
Returning series: America’s Funniest Home Videos, The Bachelor, Better Off Ted, Brothers & Sisters, Castle, Dancing with the Stars, Desperate Housewives, Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, Grey’s Anatomy, Lost, Private Practice, Scrubs, Supernanny, True Beauty, Ugly Betty, Wife Swap
On the bubble series: Surviving Suburbia
New series:

– Cougar Town (Comedy)
Plot: The dating adventures of a newly-single mom and her teen son
It stars: Courteney Cox, Busy Philipps, Brian Van Holt, Christa Miller, Josh Hopkins and Ian Gomez, created by Scrubs creator Bill Lawrence
It’s like: Janice Dickinson‘s life

– The Deep End (Dramedy)
Plot: Newbie attorneys at a prestigious law firm
It stars: Billy Zane and Tina Majorino
It’s like: Scrubs or Grey’s Anatomy in a law firm

– Eastwick (Drama)
Plot: Three witches come into their powers when a mysterious fellow arrives in town
It stars: Rebecca Romijn, Lindsay Price, Matt Dallas and Sara Rue
It’s like: The John Updike novel and big-screen movie The Witches of Eastwick, on which it’s based

– Flash Forward (Drama)
Plot: Sci-fi-ish story about what happens when the world blacks out for two minutes and everyone has visions of the future
It stars: Joseph Fiennes, Sonya Walger, John Cho and Courtney Vance
It’s like: Every show that has employed the unfortunately ubiquitous time travel gimmick on TV recently (i.e. the network hopes it’ll catch on just as Lost unrolls its final season)

…Read more

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• Filed in Comedy, Drama, Lost, TV News
• Tags: ABC, Alyssa Milano, Better Off Ted, Billy Zane, Castle, Cedric the Entertainer, Cougar Town, Courteney Cox, Eastwick, Ed O'Neill, Elizabeth Mitchell, Empire State, Fall TV season, Flash Forward, Geoff Stults, Hank, Happy Town, Inside the Box, Kelsey Grammer, Kim Raver, Lost, Matt Dallas, Modern Family, Morris Chestnut, Patricia Heaton, Rebecca Romijn, Reiko Aylesworth, Romantically Challenged, Scott Wolf, Scrubs, Shonda Rhimes, The Deep End, The Forgotten, The Law, The Middle, Twin Peaks, Upfront, V